I have had the pleasure and privilege of writing guest posts on various blogs of writers I have connected with over the years. I have also been offered the gift of contributing to Mothering From Scratch for a year, and I continue to contribute to 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting monthly. Just this year, I have had the incredible opportunity to expand my reach with my writing on some pretty big sites. It has been an exciting and exhilarating experience to publish my writing on such massive platforms like For Every Mom, and Huffington Post. When Huffington Post invited me to be a regular contributor, I was ecstatic and utterly honored. I have dreamed of one day having such an opportunity! I am thrilled that perhaps my hard work and prayers for a bigger audience have opened up these avenues for my words. (The page listing these posts can be found on my sidebar, if you are interested in reading and supporting me!)
It’s pretty awesome, really.
Since I’ve been over at Huffington Post, I have experienced both elation and a downward dive into emotional paralysis- two extremes I didn’t quite anticipate accurately at all. There are first and foremost, so many incredible things I have since learned through investing my time and efforts in navigating my way in this new big writing world I now belong. There are verticals that are inspiring and full of good reads, from many talented writers I know- there are wonderful options in which I can publish my work. I love that. On the other hand of this victorious pursuit, is the variety of people that can chime in on the comment section and either add to the message of my words or slam my content down like a vengeful irate bully.
This is where I struggle.
I’m thankful that out of the 17 articles I have published over on Huffington Post, only a few have taken heat. Lots of heat. Boiling bubbling heat. Scalding sinister steam that seems to radiate hate and anger and puzzling proclamations.
I try not to read the comments…
I really try.
But when I am caught off guard and click to check on how my post is doing for a quick second, and find over 400 comments… I have to look. And I get sucked into the sickness of it all.
And I freeze.
Knowing there are people taking the time to write such horrible things about my words, my message, or my story?
Hurts.
And I know- I know so many seasoned writers tell me NOT to read the comments.
I shouldn’t.
So I pull my crumbled self away, still in shock for what I witnessed. I try to tell myself that those are the people I shouldn’t care about. I attempt to convince myself that the amount of likes on a post is what I should celebrate, knowing that it takes a lot of passion to get someone who doesn’t know you at all, to click on that ever elusive “like” button. So I affirm myself through knowing that if my words are shared and liked, then there are some people that were touched, inspired, and moved by my writing.
But those spewing comments.
I’ve been told my skin will get thicker. That I’ll grow less sensitive as I gain more exposure. I am not sure that will ever be, with me.
I’m a sensitive soul. I tend to burrow in, looking for protection from mean people. I don’t do mean well. I allow the negativity to seep through my skin, when I shouldn’t. One of my favorite pieces was shared 9K times on For Every Mom… but I saw a handful of comments criticizing the post, that punched me in the gut and tore down any excitement I could have for its success.
That doesn’t seem right. But the weight of those critical words can pull me down.
I must learn to deal with those ugly responses, if I am going to keep sharing my work. Freedom of speech goes both ways…
And although I once purposefully published a post that I expected some backlash with, I was not prepared for my latest post to have started the wildfire it has. It caught me off guard.
So I sit paralyzed. Afraid. And honestly? Sad. So very sad.
People can be so cruel. And yet? I’m finding many comments are fueled by other commenters… and watching it play out has been quite fascinating, really. If only it could be a dialogue of respectful disagreements rather than slayings of verbal assaults.
I don’t know why this happens. I don’t understand the inner-workings of a person who lashes out in ways I have read online. It’s really the opposite of what I live, believe, and feel.
I suppose it’s part of the dark side of humanity. And because I set foot into the open wide road where all can walk…
I will at times find myself on the battleground getting pelted with some brutal bullets.
It’s not an easy way to go.
But I am passionate about writing.
So I will continue to forge my way through this tough terrain, and pray that my words are worth it.
I don’t live in that world, Chris, so I doubt I am of much help here. But for whatever it’s worth, your words are always worth it. Pray, of course. You’ll find your way. XOXO
Thanks so much for your beautiful support in really everything, Lisa. You are such a good friend. I’m so grateful we have connected and I appreciate you so much. <3
And the haters going to hate, hate, hate…. There will always be critics and it will never be easy yet we are HIS workmanship. Jesus knew the pain of being hated and he has great compassion for the hurt of it all. Yet it takes bravery and hard work to step out and share a piece of your soul through the art of writing so keep on writing. It is human nature to feel wounded by the negative but the critics represent a small group. A larger audience connects with your words of encouragement, inspiration, wisdom, and humor. Philippians 4:8- whatever is true, noble, right, pure, and lovely- think about such things. Your writing consistently provokes thought.
Shannon, your words are so inspiring!! Thank you, my friend. For sharing your support and your encouragement with me. I’m SO grateful. <3 They mean the world to me… (And so did that quote!!)
Chris, I adore you and although I have never been published on Huffington Post myself, I am aware of the trolls that do comment over there. So I can only imagine what you feel on this, but still I have been told by others to pretty much ignore the commenters over there if and when I do find myself dealing with a larger scale audience like that. However like you I keep wondering if I would have thick enough skin, too. I love that you are forging forward though and know that I think you are seriously amazing. Hugs and congrats on getting your awesome writing seen 😉
Thanks for your heart and your support Janine! It’s definitely been a challenging experience for me, and I don’t see it getting any easier. But it’s still worth it. I just need to figure out how to handle the hateful and angry people more internally than externally. I’m praying that I can somehow manage the stress of it all better. Will see…
I sorry you have to deal with the meaness of some. You do need to develop a thick skin, but it is soooooo hard (and I’m not sure I could do it – so easier said than done). Perhaps think of it as a learning tool— you are learning how different people are in this world! How their lives and circumstances are so varied that something that is so obvious, normal or wonderful to you — can be completely wrong to someone else! No wonder we struggle in life – sooo many people have different perspectives. Be grateful you have the mindset you do and share with those who strive to build you up.
Thanks so much for your wise and insightful words of encouragement Leah. It helps. I really am learning a lot, about people. I am struggling with the hate, but trying to understand those who debate me and engage me in a true disagreement. It’s an incredible challenge- but I’m trying as best I can.
I remember when you first began blogging, dear friend, how important and motivating it was for you to see comments from readers – wanting to know whether what you were saying might make a difference in someone’s day, week, life. In our own cafe, over ice water and a plate of lemons, I listen as you talk so joyfully about the many wonderful people you’ve met, how they’ve made a difference in your life and I hear the passion and excitement that you feel for continuing down this path of serving others wherever it may lead. And I pray that you stop reading those stupid hateful comments – and instead remember your many readers who may not comment at all, but who nonetheless are inspired or encouraged by your words more than you know!
I cried when I first read this and I’m crying again now…
You have seen me through it all, haven’t you? And your love and support and encouragement inspires me forward… How lucky I am to have someone like you in my life. How blessed I am to have taken that car trip to the retreat that fateful day many years ago!! Oh, how grateful I am that God gave me you, through all the years our friendship has enriched my life.
I will hold on to your words. You know I need them. <3
I did not know any of this. I am so sorry. I’ve had work published at HP and each and every time I was sacred to death. But if you are getting 400 comments (good or bad), you are resonating with people! And HP will want you back – a lot. I agree with everyone else – DO NOT READ the COMMENTS! Unfortunately it is the nature of the beast these days.
I’m been really lucky to have HP invite me into their backstage, so I have been regularly submitting my pieces over there this year. It’s up to over 800 comments last time I checked (but DIDN’T read!) and almost 4k likes… so this thing has birthed a life of its own, really. I’m staying away. It’s just too much for me!
I’m sorry you have received horrible comments. Even if a person disagrees with a post, there is no excuse for personal attacks. Civil dialogue builds understanding, but name-calling does not. Being able to respectfully disagree, to understand that the problem is with the issue at hand, not with the person herself, is a skill that is lacking in many people. If you run across more comments that are personal attacks,you can feel sorry for the person who wrote them. Hopefully they will develop better communication skills, but until then, a meaningful exchange is nearly impossible.
Kristi, you are right. Your wisdom and encouragement have helped me greatly, my friend. Thank you. <3
I’m going to tell you again. DON’T READ THE COMMENTS! Except my comments that tell you DON’T READ THE COMMENTS! 😉
I swear I kept thinking of YOU during this last one… and I kept trying to STOP reading them!! I’m not reading them anymore. I’ve reached my limit and I’m officially shut down. What do you do when they come to your blog though? Or they EMAIL you? Sigh… what kind of people do that? Mean mean ones.
Oh my heart…I just went over and read the comments. I admit on Huff Post never reading the comments because they tend to be a back and forth of people just looking to argue. Even the ones who are trying to be on the good side get suckered into a harmful debate.
I admire your conviction and your willingness to say, yes I’m going to hurt but I’m going to keep posting. You words might save someone someday and that is incredible and why you put yourself in harms way.
I think you are right about people just looking to argue. It’s amazing to me, how far out of their way people will go to slam them. Thank you for being such a strong and loving support for me, Kerri! Your words mean so SO much to me… <3
Really…the best thing to do is NOT READ THEM….but that is very hard.
People are broken. It’s not you..it’s them.
Thanks for coming by to encourage me Michelle. It means the world to me! This. Is. Hard. Ugh…
Wow – I scrolled through a few comments and then clicked away because it was too ridiculous to bother with.
So sorry that people are so unkind – just know that you have many people who love you and your amazing words!!!
It’s pretty awful, isn’t it Kim? And some have gone out of their way to find my email and send me lovely hideous notes too. It is so disheartening. Ugh. Thank you, for your support and encouragement my friend!
I was talking to Jordan (my 16 year old) – he reads stuff on Huffington Post a lot and said every article he has ever read has 100s of negative comments. So sad!
Kim, that honestly makes me feel better!! I’m SO grateful you came back to tell me that! It is sad. Very sad. It’s comforting to know I am not the only one though. Thanks love. You are such a good friend. I appreciate you SO much. <3
Bless your heart, dear one. There will always be haters. There will always be people who would rather raze a person to the ground instead of building them up.
Unfortunately, social media has given said people power and voice in a way that many didn’t have before. It is so much easier to spew hatred through the click of a keyboard than it is the look in the face of the person you’re assaulting and choose to do the same. The internet detaches us somehow from culpability. It’s rather an odd phenomenon.
Anyway…*steps down from soapbox*
I find you beyond brave and I KNOW your words are worth it.
Under the same sky,
Dani
P.S. Off to read your latest…
Your soapbox speaks truth, my dear friend. And I thank you for it. And I thank you for always holding my heart in your hands with such comfort and grace. <3
((((hugs)))) Remember, the whole purpose of trolls is to tear others down to make themselves feel better. Karma will get to them eventually. I know how hard it is to avoid the comments. Just read a few then once they go negative, pull yourself away. Nothing you will say or do will change their minds. They are nothing but bullies eager to hate on something or someone. It isn’t about getting a thicker skin as much as it is learning how to walk away from the madness. I just found my first trolls with the fat-shaming post. They only proved my point. It still wasn’t easy to read (especially when one takes the time to go to your personal page and leave a comment there). However, I try to remember all the positive comments that came from it…the tweets sent out in support of what I wrote (I <3 hootsuite so I could see those). That's what pulls me through.
Thanks so much Denise, for your support and encouragement! They are coming into my email and blog too… It’s SO hard to walk away from it all, when it seems to find you everywhere you go. I’m just praying for strength and courage, and trust that God’s Hand is covering this mess. It’s really amazing the anger this has stirred about faith, unbelief, and the spirit world. WOW. I had NO idea it would.
Ugh. You have such a good heart and soul…it’s terrible that you have to feel so beaten down by people who probably don’t have 1/20th of the compassion you do. Don’t let them get to you. It’s far easier to criticize than to build up.
You are the stronger person, not them.
Julie, it means so much that you took the time to come over and read and encourage me! I’m not handling this stuff well at all. I don’t feel so strong, in so many ways… I would rather go hide with my hurt heart! I will keep trying to not let them get to me. Thank you SO much, my friend. *hugs*
I can’t imagine not reading the comments either, no matter that people tell me to read them!
I’m a bit of a people pleaser. I’m fairly non-biased and non-confrontational, but of course, I could write so much more about opinions and religion and politics and more.
I don’t because I’m such a chicken!
At 0ver 850, I stopped reading long ago. It sucks me in and I feel like someone is literally chewing on my heart. I dive deep into protection mode… but they are coming into my email box and blog now too. The things people do… I just don’t understand. I’m a total chicken too. I can’t do mean. But apparently people can do mean, even when you mean no harm at all. Huh.
The rent-a-mob aren’t worth the pain, Kitty, but I know that you’ll feel it anyway.
Pray for them. And let it go <3
What are “rent-s-mob”s? They are coming through my comment section and emails too… Wow.
They’re the ones who take issue with anything, just to have a go at whoever wrote it.
In your Huffington Post article about your daughter seeing angels, you implied that unbelievers aren’t genuine in their views, stating they are merely afraid to accept the truth about God.
You have to understand that, at best, such arguments are insulting and condescending; at worst, they are a form of self-delusion.
I’m not trying to be hurtful, I am merely describing what you cannot see. (But I am certainly not defending any jerks who were pointlessly offensive. I like to mock those types. Being mean is just how they entertain themseves — and they seem incapable of being clever about it.)
Terry, I had no intention of ‘implying’ anything about unbelievers. Your interpretation of my words puzzles me. What part in my post, do I say unbelievers aren’t genuine and are afraid to accept the truth about God?
I never have intentions to insult, or be condescending. I have never been called delusional either.
I’m sorry if I offended you enough to come over here and tell me so. Please know I had no motive in sharing that post, other than sharing what I believed to be an extraordinary story of Angels and the hope in faith. That is all.
> I had no intention of ‘implying’ anything about unbelievers.
You wrote: “We search for purpose and protection, while we find peace in knowing we are cared for and loved by an Almighty Powerful God. And yet there are others whose withered souls fear those deep waters, so they build blind barriers of protection…”
I was not offended, personally, but you must be able to see that some might be perturbed when called “withered souls” who build “blind barriers” out of “fear.” That is terribly insulting and might explain why some people criticised you.
My personal concern is not for manners, however. My larger concern is when people believe in imaginary entities (angels, abducting aliens, Bigfoot). When people cannot demonstrate the reality of their belief, they blame it not on themselves but on the unbelievers. You don’t seem to allow that people could honestly and genuinely be unconvinced of the reality of angels. That comes off as being a little self-deluding.
Other people are real, not just you. They have earnest thoughts and feelings, not just you. Think about it.
Gosh Terry, I see how that may be offensive and I appreciate you pointing that out to me. I honestly have experienced so many people who have personally shared their reasons for lack of faith that may have influenced those words. You are right. That is my opinion from my own experience, but there are people that have no faith that are valuable and content in their lives. I believe every person is valuable, and would never want to send the message otherwise. Whether people are unbelievers or believers, they are worthy of respect, love and a voice.
I also didn’t intend to blame anything on the unbelievers as far as witnessing entities. I didn’t write the piece to push the reality of it all, or blame the unbelievers of not seeing it and I don’t see really how my words inferred that. I wrote it because I was believing my daughter’s story. In so doing, I associated the angels she saw with our faith.
And you should! And I am proud of your for doing it! Write for you and nevermind the haters. Not that I would be able to follow that advice…but see how I give it?
You give it good girl!! lol Thanks hun. I appreciate you so much. <3
When I see a friend so proud to have made it to Huffington Post, I’m proud of them too – and also scared. I know what HuffPost comments look like. It’s a bit unfair, for this kid of accomplishment to automatically come with that kind of vitriol.
I’d suggest you take a deep look at what you really want, CC. I know how much it means to share your incredible words with the world. They’ve been a blessing to me. You must determine whether this stage is where you want to be.
My suspicion is that the trolls won’t ever stop hurting you, but that you’ll push on through their words. They’re not there to hate on you, specifically; they’re full of hate and looking for a mat to wrestle it on. It’s just a shame they just can’t stop and read – really read. They’re missing out.
Eli,
You’re a LOVE to come by to encourage me. That’s just SO like you… <3
Thank you. Your wise words and insight help. And your support and encouragement mean the world to me. I have some thinking to do, don't I?
Don’t read the comments is good advice, but so hard to follow. Some people have too much time on their hands
I love you and you are SUCH a HUGE encouragement an inspiration to me, Jen!! Thank you, so so much. (We need a phone date. BAD!)
I just hit the post comment button by accident! Here’s the second half of my comment…
Your writing inspires and encourages others in so many ways. A few haters aren’t going to hurt you. We won’t let them! The good thing is that your writing is making people want to comment and share. You’re amazing, Chris! Love you. (And miss you too!)
Jennifer, I just need to tell you how much I love you. Your encouragement means the WORLD to me, my dear friend. Especially now. MWUAH!!!
OOO, Chris…
It’s hard not to read them, right?
People who take the time to write vicious words have MUCH time on their hands.
Also, I believe they receive a rush like a naughty child, whom desires desperate attention.
In the end, darling, they don’t matter a damn.
But you do. you words do. your message does.
xxx kisssssss from Duluth.
Thanks so much love. You have been such an encouragement to me!! SO grateful. <3
*grinning* And YAKNOW the TRUTH is getting to them when they ‘follow you home’ in order to have a further pop. You’re responding with grace and love, without backing down. You’re awesome <3
Oh gosh Lizzi! Your words just filled me with so much encouragement… THANK YOU dear friend. Thank you!! *Trying*
People are brave when they sit behind a keyboard and they are willing to say anything.
But I always remind myself that sometimes people don’t communicate their thoughts as carefully as they would like and that translates into something harsher than they would have liked or intended to.
Yeah, you are right Jack. I myself have made the same mistake. But some of the comments are just plain awful… on purpose. 🙁
I’m so sorry that you experienced the horrible trolls, Chris. Sigh. I had a recent bout of them on a post I wrote that now sits dark and alone and nameless and so edited that it no longer feels like my story. The lengths people go to – it’s crazy and hurtful and just hard to believe that they’re actual people sitting behind their hateful little keyboards. Be strong. Your words matter. A lot. Hugs and love to you my friend!
Ditto to what Jack said plus…Keep being brave. You have a voice worth hearing.
Oh Andrea, thank you SO much my friend. <3
Hi Chris, I’ve had this up for days, I just needed to have the time to comment properly…now that I’ve taken so long you’ve already heard what I was going to say from Jack (right above) and Eli and many, many others. You know I love your words and probably more importantly, the intent behind them. Many people love the thrill of antagonizing someone and it seems HuffPo is full of those people. It’s so hard to brush yourself off and put yourself out there again but it’s important you do (and it’s good that you do, too.) Their intent is the exact opposite of yours – so you can freely close them out of your thoughts knowing you are not missing anything if you don’t acknowledge/read them. Constructive criticism is one thing and you have friends who can fill that space for you, don’t allow that meanness to overtake any of your joy/love/light. They don’t deserve that space in your life.
Stephanie,
Your beautiful encouragement was such a comfort to me, and STILL is. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart my friend. I’m just so grateful you came by to share them. It helped, and inspired me to NOT give up. <3
Some people just need bigger lives, ya know?
You – can take heart that you ARE living one already. 🙂
It’s been just an awful, fascinating experience with those people Leslie. WOW is all I can say…
Oh I’m so with you on this, Chris! I don’t know if I could handle the cruelty of the big, wide internet world. People are so unnecessarily cruel, shielded behind the computer screen. You don’t have to agree with everything people say. You might downright disagree. But there is a difference between explaining why you disagree and just saying mean things. I commend you for putting yourself out there, I think you have to have pretty thick skin to even do that!
Yeah- cruel is the perfect word for some people. It’s really amazing what they will write… I don’t have thick skin at all- never have. BUT I think the desire to get my words out there, seems to be stronger than the weak sensitive side of me. *I think*
I’m just beginning this road… we’ll see.
I’m so sorry to hear about this happening, Chris! I don’t have tough skin either, my friend. I keep to my little blog to try to avoid that, but I know eventually I must venture out. I’m so proud of you for spreading your words far and wide. You are inspiring! I’m the same about comments. I would have a really hard time not reading them, but at some point you must cut it off to protect yourself. Much love to you! Keep on moving forward. Don’t let the inevitable haters get you down. There are people who I honestly think comment for sport :).
It’s definitely been a difficult challenge for me, Candace! BUT- I’m really feeling like I’m ready to keep at it. I know that I have to struggle through those horrible responses, in order to get other eyes on my words that may need to read them. I just keep praying for God’s guidance in it all… I will trust that He hand picks my words and where they go.
Everyone is a critic! I find it especially hard to hold my own when I talk about my beliefs and I get a lot of negative reactions to my christianity. I think in this day and age, more than anything, people are turning away from that lifestyle and so those who hold onto it, who make it their priority, are few and far between and are subject to nasty comments… (I even get it from some of my own family). But faith aside, whatever it is you are writing about, it’s your place to do so. This is your blog, your very special space and you inspire and reach so many! I am a recent reader and I so appreciate your posts and insight! So hold your head high and keep up the good work my friend in Christ!