From the moment we hold our babies and look into their sweet freshly opened eyes, we begin the journey in discovering the joy of “firsts”…
First cry. First poop. First outfit. First bath. First smile. First giggle.
First time rolling over, pulling up, crawling, walking, running…
First time latching on, taking a bottle, starting foods, self-feeding…
First word. First kiss blown. First full sentence. First tooth lost. First time on the potty.
So many firsts…
And as our babies grow, the firsts start crashing faster in waves almost out of control, as our babies seem to launch into growth at rapid speed. It seems there are too many moments to keep track of, so we lose the camera shot to capture them all.
But somewhere along the way, those firsts become liberating. Our children begin to be more independent as they get older, and I am discovering this sweet spot of parenting right now.
Their firsts become my firsts…
The first time I didn’t have to wipe a butt.
The first time I didn’t have to bathe another body.
The first time I didn’t have to watch their every move.
The first time I slept in, knowing they would be okay.
The first time they could get to bed on their own, if I was unable to be there.
The first time I didn’t have to worry about entertaining them.
The first time I could trust their judgment.
The first time I could leave my kids home alone.
The first time I could send them off to camp on their own.
The first time I didn’t have to do all the housework chores.
The first time I could drop my kids off at the pool, and feel at peace about leaving them there.
Oh, what joy!
Now, I’m still teetering on the edge of some of those firsts… not yet trusting in them completely, as I struggle with letting go of expectations, and I am challenged by those inevitable risks I cannot control.
But as we recently left for a trip to visit my sister, I was reminded of the sweet release of this new parenting transition. I told my daughter she needed to pack for the trip, and I had no need to check her bag before we left. I was confident that she prepared for the four days ahead, despite me asking at the last minute if she packed her toothbrush.
She hadn’t.
There’s an innate maternal sense that guides this ever-changing season of motherhood. The holding on and letting go that pulls us back and pushes us forward. It’s quite profound really. It’s about having confidence in our kids, while seeing the fruits of our labor bloom in them. It’s about witnessing the seeds we planted take root and rise. It’s about freeing ourselves of some parenting responsibilities, yet forging on to new heights of worry. It’s about celebrating those stages and ages that run tirelessly toward the finish line and realizing the finish line is coming at you fast.
Along the parenting path, there are these slow winding turns that bring us all our firsts. It’s a wild ride for sure. I know there will be many more firsts to come, and perhaps some I won’t want to face. But this is motherhood. It’s pretty exciting each time our kids show a sign of independence and our roles adapt through the years. It’s a power-packed emotional ride to witness our children grow more and more independent. I’m strapping myself in, because there are some big turns ahead.
I’m sure of that.
Not quite there yet, but imagine I still will be double checking like you did with the tooth brush when our time comes for this all. Great work, Chris and I have no doubt your kids are coming up on some big milestones, as well as you, too 🙂
As are YOURS, my friend!! It comes fast and furious… doesn’t it? Here’s to all our upcoming firsts!! 🙂
Hi Chris! It’s like a little graduation isn’t it? I always felt like I accomplished something when my kids could truly be more independent. Of course, there were epic fails and a few ‘whoops’ mixed in, but what a joy for you to know that your children have learned from you and your husband.
I should share that my son used to ‘fake’ shower all the time. He’d run the water, but not get in. Sigh…
Blessings!
Ceil
I feel the SAME way Ceil!! I do feel so good when I see my kids take a turn in growth and independence!! It’s a mini celebration for us moms, isn’t it? Your son? HA! Too funny… Well played. 🙂
I have found, in the last six years, that I’m the kind of mother that pushes my children towards independence. I can wax nostalgic on past years, but I don’t really miss those baby years. I am always looking towards how my children can be more independent of me. I wonder what effect that will have (has had) on their psyches.
I don’t miss those baby years either! They were incredibly stressful to me!! I think you are doing it right, my friend. We are to prepare them for independence… that is the end goal, isn’t it? The effect will be that your children will become strong individuals with the ability to make their own way… 🙂
I always wonder when I will stop packing bags and giving baths. Then I wonder if it will break my heart not to do such things! What will I do with the free time??
Probably read. And write.
It’s quite liberating… really, it is. It’s hard too, of course. Lasts are part of the firsts I suppose. 🙁
Oh so true! Love and hate this truth!
You know it all too well, don’t ya babe? I’m counting on you for those future firsts, wpb. You’ve been there, done that! LOVE you!! (And miss you!)
Now with a high schooler – I’m facing a ton of first! Like today, first time I sent my child on a bus that would take home out of STATE — with out me:(.
That is a DOOZER of a FIRST, Allie!!! Oh my… but you DID IT!! 🙂 Way to go mama!!
–I’m one to HOLD on.
I miss all of the “FIRSTS.”
but I know that “Letting Go,”
brings growth, freedom, LIFE.
Ok, I know all of this,
but it still hurts, darling.
xxx kisssssss and Loooove.
I don’t want to reach the season that you are in. I just don’t. *Will hold on tight to the one I’m in.* <3
Hang in there precious mama... hang in there. I love how you LOVE your boys with everything you have. It's truly INSPIRING.
Beautiful!
Lists like yours almost make me feel sorry for myself that I didn’t get a chance to be a Mom. But then I know there are so many children out there that I can reach out to with love!
OH yes, Corrine! There are SO many children you can ‘parent’ in powerful ways. You have a significant role. Be encouraged by that truth!
Thank you for coming by to read this. I’m deeply touched that you did. <3
There are some big ones still ahead for you and your growing littles, my friend! Thank you for these much needed and beautifully encouraging words, Chris. I’m in the phase of first house and room mates for my daughter. I don’t know how we’re already in the middle of that first! I can so relate to this: “The holding on and letting go that pulls us back and pushes us forward.” What a struggle that can be for me at times, but you have truly shown the positive, happy part to it here. You always uplift :).
Aw!! Thanks so much Candace. Your first are far down the road for me… I just flashed to your scene with MY daughter and gasped! I don’t want to let go… I can handle the ‘little letting go’ but I think I am going to really struggle with those big ones in the future. I’ll need YOUR help with that, okay? Hang in there MAMA!! (Thank God we can place it all in His Hands… I honestly don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t.)
Those firsts come in waves, don’t they? Happy firsts, sad firsts, firsts that make you relieved, ones that make you terrified. Such is the ride of motherhood!
Yep yep yep… I’m enjoying these firsts thoroughly!!! I know there will be more I won’t enjoy as much. So for now? I celebrate! 🙂
appreciate EVERY first you have when you have it
Oh I do… I DO!! 🙂
Beautifully written!! I was juts thinking about this last night when my sister was changing her daughter’s diaper. In May, I finally got my almost 4 year old fully trained (late but she wasn’t ready) and I worked for like seemed forever to potty train her. I got to thinking I will never have to change one of my own kid’s diaper again and got a little sad.
Oh do I remember that stage Miranda! I was still wiping butts when my kids were five! (And for one? Six and seven!) Every phase of motherhood is about holding on and letting go, I suppose. It’s an incredible journey, isn’t it? 🙂 Thanks for coming by Miranda!
I’m not a parent yet, so I haven’t had the chance to experience any of those, but I definitely am very aware of the struggles my own parents faced when it came to stepping back and letting us make our decisions. Even now, with all three of us kids married and out on our own, they often struggle in trusting us with our own decisions, and in not having to do everything for us to make sure it happens ‘right’.
It’s definitely a difficult time for a parent.
And sometimes, no matter how old or responsible your child gets, they’re still going to forget that toothbrush (it’s the number one thing I forget).
— >And sometimes, no matter how old or responsible your child gets, they’re still going to forget that toothbrush (it’s the number one thing I forget). LOVE that, Tabitha! You are so right about parents… it’s an ongoing challenge of holding on and letting go. I love that you shared your perspective with your parents. Thank you, for stopping by to read this and respond with such a thoughtful comment my new friend!