Those Tricky moments…what to do?

So I ‘m folding laundry and there it is…the dreaded fitted sheet.  I shake it out.  I attempt to spread it nicely.  I gently put the corners together…fold… and AAAAAHHHHH!  It crumbles into a ball, AGAIN!  So I ask all you “well bred” mothers out there…how the heck do you fold a fitted sheet????  Seriously!  It’s one of those little “irks” in my daily living that really gets me.  ESPECIALLY the king size one!  It always ends up in a nicely formed mess of a ball rolled up to then be squashed down to fit in the linen closet pile of sheets.  What, per say, am I doing wrong????  Ridiculous, I know…..

So my mind starts bubbling over with more ‘relevant’ (per say) “what to do” moments and those tricky situations a mother runs into with her children, and I thought:  “Wait a minute!  I’ll ask the experts!  My dear blog readers!  All three of you!!”  (Maybe four, maybe two…not sure)  So here I go….

1. You FLY past your pastor’s wife at top speed on the way to school late, and she calls your cell and says, “SLOW DOWN SISTER!!” on the voicemail…. What to do!
2. Your daughter announces in the middle of your son’s basketball game, that the boy crying on the court is a “total crybaby mom!  He like cries ALL the time!!” as we are sitting next to his grandmother…  What to do?
3. You get to the grocery store check out with a half eaten box of Ho Ho’s that you bribed your children with so they would just STOP driving their mother crazy!!!  The cashier gives you a funny look….What to do?
4. Your son tells you he has to go poop NOW when you are in line at the Post Office… the dungy thrift store…. the disgusting discount store…you get the idea!….What to do?
5. You’re at the park with a friend and you both realize your boys are standing, side by side, urinating right by the drinking fountain where kids are playing happily around them. (looking much like their own fountain of sorts) What to do?
6. You’re in line at the department store and your kids ask if this is the last errand so they can go home, you say yes …to which they exclaim, “YIPPEE!  NOW WE CAN GO HOME, GET NAKED AND WRESTLE!!!”  The entire long line looks at you wide eyed as the cashier does the same……What to do?
7. Your two-year old daughter strips naked at Target while you weren’t watching and refuses to get dressed….then, your baby starts wailing….then you wrestle your two-year old to the ground trying to force her clothes on her as people stop to stare….what to do?  (ah…good memories…)
8. Your little cherub throws a full throttle tantrum as you then escort her out of the store while she yells at the top of her lungs, “DON’T HURT ME MOMMY!!!!”….every eye on the apparent ‘abusive mother’ now….what to do?
9. Your son TRULY believes he’s famous because he thinks his middle name is “WEBKINZ” and defends to the death against his sister’s attempt at telling him it is “Epkins” not  “Webkinz”…..what to do?
10. When walking into a Christian Girl Scout organization (AHG) you stub your already deformed painful toe and yell, “DAMN” as girls and unit leaders are all around you.  A unit leader looks at you and says, “Did you just SWEAR in CHURCH????” …What to do?
11. When you walk into the doctor with your children and everyone stares at you….  Oh, and your children are dressed as wonder woman and a ninja…. Um… and it’s not Halloween…what to do?
12. You were at the ER with your daughter the week before (pneumonia) and now walking out of crowded doctor’s office carrying son on the way to Children’s Hospital to treat him, and daughter goes into full asthmatic cough while starting to vomit as everyone is staring at her horrified….what to do?
13. You leave that dreaded middle of the night ER visit at 8:00am during a snowstorm with child, having been there all night the snow is now a foot deep on car and you have nothing to wipe the snow off the car…what to do?
14. After spending much effort and time educating your daughter’s kindergarten teacher about her asthma, she then poses the monumental question, “have you tried a cough drop?”  What to do…. (grrrr…..)
15. When people continued to ask you if your three-year old daughter was in chemo because of the bald patches all over her head.  Do you tell them the baldness is from her pulling her hair out when she’s sick???  Or is it easier to let them think she has cancer?  What to do?
16. You’re precious and quite inquisitive daughter asks you, “What’s God’s last name mommy?” …. What to do?
17. Your son very politely “whispers” (with same volume as talking voice of course) in your ear RIGHT in front of your mother whom he hasn’t seen for years, “MOMMY, WHY IS SHE SO OLD????”  What to do?
18. After singing a wonderful chorus of “Happy Birthday” to your child with all family members and friends present, your daughter yells, “and don’t eat all my cake this time mommy!”  What to do?
19. You’re holding your son down on the table as the surgeon sews stitches through his eyelid and you just can’t bear to watch, (what a brave soul!)  (I mean me!) (ha! No really him…) You now realize you have to be at the church for dress rehearsal in the next hour as your children are the flower girl and ring bearer for your niece’s wedding and your husband’s out of town… what to do?
20. And FINALLY…. You fold your laundry oh so nicely, and then comes the fitted sheet. What to do??????