Sometimes I wonder how I would feel about my life, when faced with the end of it. I suppose I have this intentional desire to do my best every day, in order to be able to look back and consider this life well lived. I find myself in those moments of reflection, anticipation and evaluation fairly often. My biggest dream and desperate desire is to come to the end of my life and be able to feel peace and a sense of fulfillment about how I lived it.
I want to be able to reflect on my timeline and see in it, what I believe to be the most valuable parts of living. I can only hope and pray when that fateful day comes, I can feel full assurance I truly gave my all. That I stretched and reached and twisted and turned my comfortable safe place of easy- to take bold steps to love others as I have been called to do- by the God of love himself.
I often tell my kids that I am proud of them no matter the outcome, as long as they give it their all.
I suppose I feel that way about myself too.
Have I given this life my all?
That is the question I ask myself at the end of every day.
I think there are some days I fall short.
Days I fail to show up, give more, or stretch my heart toward love instead of judgment. Days I allow pride to take hold instead of finding grace to let go. Days I coil my emotions into a knot of selfish seclusion or angry outbursts. Days I don’t discover gratitude and grace in the grueling grind of the day.
Those are failures I battle in shame as I wrestle for redemption to restore my discouragement, my disappointment, my defeat…
But there are also days I do give it my all.
My everything.
I trust that there are more of those days, where I truly accomplish a life well lived.
I continue to calculate the cost of living a life of purpose, while understanding more and more, that sacrifice and giving are the true variables I cherish most in the outcome.
The older I get, the more I realize that success and pursuing dreams take a back seat to the more profound life moments of rising to meet the needs of people you love. To stop the motor of my engine long enough to truly listen to those who need my attention, instead of revving it louder and taking off down the road I pave for myself. To selflessly turn toward someone who is reaching out their hand and take it, despite the long list of things I’d rather do. I am often confronted with the reality that what is most challenging than any goal in life, is digging deep within to tap into a well of grace to pour onto those who have hurt you. To allow broken pieces to somehow be placed back together, not by claiming who’s wrong- but by understanding that it is simply pain that needs healing.
Life is well lived, not by milestones and moments that are defined by things, comfort, or success…
But rather-
A life well lived is measured by those moments when you give of yourself, more than you think you can give.
They may not be shiny moments of glory to the world…
But they are celebrated within.
One sacrificial, gracious step at a time.
Those are the moments in my life I am most proud of and I believe God is too.
Those are the days when I feel the greatest fulfillment and incredible resolve…
That I gave beyond what I thought I could give, no matter the outcome. I can only take responsibility for myself- I must relinquish control of the result.
I go back to that scene I play out in my head, over and over again…
When I come to the end of my life, what would bring me peace and fulfillment?
To know I have given my everything. To allow grace to take over and healing set in. To listen, to reach, to love, no matter the cost. To respond, show up, and leave my comfortable corner to get messy in the mess of life when another life is in ruins. To rectify wrongdoings I have made and pour grace to saturate the fire. To give my everything, even when I feel I have nothing left to give.
Every day I have new opportunities to live a life well lived. I will continue my intention to choose well, with each miraculous moment I am offered the chance.
How about you?
I read these lines and was reminded of a conversation Renato and I had yesterday about love, grace, and the often dicey in between:
“I am often confronted with the reality that what is most challenging than any goal in life, is digging deep within to tap into a well of grace to pour onto those who have hurt you. To allow broken pieces to somehow be placed back together, not by claiming who’s right- but by understanding that it is simply pain that needs healing. To stop the motor of my engine long enough to truly listen to those who need my attention, instead of revving it louder and taking off down the road I pave for myself.”
Thank you for the reminder, dear one.
Thank you.
With autumnal blessings,
Dani
Thank YOU for reading this and soaking it in all the way through your heart and into your life, my precious friend. Do you know that I haven’t stopped thinking about you and praying for you? I have… And I will continue to every day. Please update me when you can? Anxious to know how you are doing… <3
Absolutely! What an encouragement to keep how we live on the forefront of our minds
Thanks lovey! It is constantly on mine… 🙂
You definitely have so much to be thankful and proud of and think that when that day comes (hopefully not anytime soon though) that you will be seen as having lived your live totally well for all intents and purposes! 😉
Thanks so much Janine! I would like to feel that way, when the day does come… Hopefully NOT TOO SOON!! 🙂
As I get older, I think about this more and more, and I feel like I could do better. I need to be more mindful of it, all the time, not just some of the time. You always have such thought provoking posts, wonderful for individual reflection. Thank you!
I’m so glad you came by to read this one, Michelle! I often think too much… LOL It comes out here. 🙂
Oh yes, I think this way so often too! ???? I love your heart and just know you are writing a life story worth celebrating as you choose joy and love big every day!!
I try, Sybil. But I also fail too. BUT I constantly evaluate what I believe God wants me to do and what I am doing… Sometimes I’m quite pleased, and other times- I want to give up!
I think that is all we can ask of ourselves – to give it our all. And, some days we have more to give than others. Beautiful as always! XOXO
Amen to that Lisa! Amen to that. 🙂
I think about this often. When I have rough days, when I’m frustrated. When I lose a day to mundane, unimportant things and go to bed feeling like nothing good was done…I’m trying to keep perspective and it’s not always easy. This post helps with that, it’s a reminder and an assurance that I’m not alone in those thoughts.
Stephanie, I love when you come by and respond to my words- my heart. It really blesses me. I have those days too- where I forfeit my intention and plead for a do-over, then fall into bed ready to surrender the day. But I try to have more days that I feel satisfied with my actions, my words, my time I spend doing what I truly believe God wanted me to do. I hold tight on those fulfilling days! We’ve got to, right?
You’re not alone in those thoughts at all, my friend.
Hi Chris! I love the analogy of shutting off my engine so I can hear someone else. That’s a great visual in my mind.
I don’t think much about what my life looks like, and maybe I should. That would be an interesting exercise. Certainly it would be one that would make me humble. I know I’ve whiffed on a lot of things, would that hound me? Or would I learn from them? Good things to think about…
It is always about love though, of that I’m sure. I truly agree with your meme. It’s always about what we can do for each other. Thank you for your blogpost today, it’s food for thought and for the soul!
Blessings,
Ceil
Thank you for reading it, Ceil! Ultimately, it IS about love- both sacrificial and merciful love. I’m guessing this entire post reflects just that, when we look at the foundation of it all.
What a beautiful reflection, Chris! I, too, C often reflect on the end of my life..regrets always show their face first don’t they. I suppose daily confession doesn’t even do away with the regrets easily! But I trust God knows our hearts..and I see yours clearly, a heart for God, a compassionate heart, a giving heart, a forgiving heart, a heart that knows “that success and dreams realized, take a back seat to the more profound life moments of rising to meet the needs of people you love..” These are the qualities people will remember you by, not the regrets. They will shine through at the end, and are now shining in the lives of those you touch. You encourage me today to be a better person who loves well! Blessings, and thank you for this thought provoking, convicting, instructive, blessed post!
Thank YOU for always offering me such beautiful encouragement and thoughtful insights, Kathy! Your perspective is always incredibly edifying to me. <3
It is challenging to live every single day the best we can be, but I think it is more the big picture than every single solitary moment. We are human, and we make mistakes and are tired and can’t always put in 100%. But it’s the ability to look inward and reflect and make ourselves better…I think that is what really counts. Beautiful post!
Well said Bev! I think I am harder on myself and incredibly detailed in my intentions… but yes oh yes- grace is at the root of everything for me. It has to be!
I like the simplicity of one phrase: just show up. it’s so simple, but yet it’s exactly what most of us probably don’t always do it. we think we can phone it in some days and that will be enough. but that’s why I am so focused on this thing: the power of Now. You have to show up to Now to experience it. If all you got is now, I bet you are more likely to give it your all.
But, I can own and embrace my failures too. that’s how I learn. I just don’t stay there in crumpled heap – I get up and show up again. and again. and even again sometime. those days that I wonder if I will ever get it right, I think now I will hear: just keep showing up. you can’t learn it if you don’t meet it.
AMEN, Leslie. Oh what a challenge it can be to show up. And oh what an incredibly powerful action to go through with it, with purpose and intention. Even when we fail.
I think about this a lot. And this does remind me of a song I always hear on the radio.. Something about, “I did it all.” It’s about reflecting on a life well lived.
I love what Rory says about just showing up. That’s something I’m learning lately. Through anxiety and fear.. just do it.
Oh that is exactly what you are doing, my friend! And quite beautifully too!
Oh my did you ever nail it. Yes, I’ve thought about this so much, especially the past couple years. “That I stretched and reached and twisted and turned my comfortable safe place of easy- to take bold steps to love others as I have been called to do- by the God of love himself.” I need to copy and paste that into a word document, put a bold, fancy frame around it, print it, and post it up on my fridge door!
Thank you Christine.
I just love that, Julie!! (Would you rather I call you Julie Jo? I feel like I should really know this by now!)
I love how you really soak in my words and my intention, dear friend. You always get it, and for that I am just so grateful!
🙂 You can just call me Julie. Most people do. I like to use my middle name because it connects me to my roots and stories from my past.
Okay! Good to know, Julie! You’re a doll to get back to me on that! XOXO 🙂
A beautiful reflection. Each one of us can bring something to the table and live our lives well. We do this because we live gratefully for all Christ has done. 🙂
http://unveiledandrevealed.com
Well said, Brianna!
Beautifully written. My time of reflection on my life is on my birthdays. As I continue to add a new year to my life I look back and sometimes I’m pleased and sometimes not. I’ve started asking the Lord to show me how to be a blessing to someone each day, and, He has complied. This way, each day I feel some sense of accomplishment.
I absolutely love that prayer Mary. Such a beautiful way to live- for blessing one person each day. I too, reflect deeply on my birthdays! It seems fitting, doesn’t it? 🙂
“To give my everything. To allow grace to take over and healing set in. To listen, to reach, to love, no matter the cost. To respond, show up, and leave my comfortable corner to get messy in the mess of life when another life is in ruins. To rectify wrongdoings I have made and pour grace to saturate the fire. To give my everything, even when I feel I have nothing left to give.” This is unbelievably powerful and beautiful – and I’m going to use it as a daily affirmation:). You amaze me.
Your responses to my posts always bless me and encourage me more than you will ever know, Allie. THANK YOU my friend. I love re-reading my own words and realizing their power once again… for me too.
This was very real, raw and relevant. I have learned very quickly in my 24 years that you need to just love yourself and learn from your mistakes.
I’m so glad you have learned that at such a young age, Veronica. Sometimes it takes people a lot longer to do that. 🙂
A life of purpose is simply living a life of love. 🙂 you are doing a great job. 🙂
http://unveiledandrevealed.com
Oh, it truly is that simple- and yet the most difficult way to live as well. Love is sacrificial and merciful. Two of the hardest things to go by…
Well, it’s definitely nice to know I’m not alone in those ponderings!
It may sound strange, but the thought that drives behind that reflection for me is almost always ‘Would my mother be proud of the woman I’ve become and the life I’m living?’. Maybe that’s spurred from the fact that I’ve still not figured out how to grieve her properly (how does one grieve someone they lost at such a young age that they didn’t understand how to grieve?), but at the same time, even if it is, I’m grateful for it. Because it gives me that reminder to stick to the type of person I want to be, the kind that she would be proud of.
I’m sure as I become a mother and move into the next stage, I will begin to ask this question more often, as I’ll no longer be responsible just for being a wife and myself.
That is just beautiful, Tabitha. I have a good feeling your mother WOULD be so very proud of you! XO