I have been so heavy hearted this week… unable to pinpoint where the ache is coming from. But every time I pray for understanding, I sit still in a stifled soul…suffering and suffocating from the weight. I think I have finally resurrected the angst and turmoil that has perpetuated my spirit…I keep telling myself that it’s feeling the moans of Christ’s crucifixion, as the anticipation of Good Friday hangs on my spirit. But I have realized that although this may be true, I believe something more is taking place. It just feels to me like:
Christ’s crucifixion lives on.
I linger on the Christian sites filled with messages that speak of His Goodness and Grace, and I read the endless comments of hate and disdain for choices made and missions blamed. I find myself twisted with fervent discontent at what I read, longing for it all to go away. The battle rages on…
I also dwell among the unbelievers, reading stories that lead through winding roads of disdain for the church, Christianity and all it represents. It drenches my very heart with tears…
There is so much yuck out there surrounding the bible, Christ and His followers that it taints my passion and at the very least dishevels me to sheer disappointment in His disciples. How on earth would anyone be able to find His Grace among the mess they have created? Why are Jesus’ followers so callous and calculated in determining their voice?
And the Pharisees live on…
Jesus continues to be crucified in this day… and His Light diminished because of chastened ideology and theology. People’s lives are at stake, yet clearly many don’t see the value of that dreaded truth.
This isn’t about church, or religion or any mass conglomeration that fills your mind with propaganda or labels or deeds or misaligned perpetual messages to bring you to some hidden agenda. Faith is found in the silence of your heart… the echoes of your soul… the yearnings of your spirit…the questions of your mind.
It’s birthed in the moments of solitude and the deepest desires that lurk beyond. It’s stretching beneath all the layers of muck, peeling away the madness of this world and emptying the trash of our brokenness. Pulling apart from the battles and the wars that rage differences of divinity and liturgy and principles… stripping down the barriers that break the bond and nurture an intrusive declaration of power that perpetuates rings of isolation or judgment.
I found Jesus on the beach.
I cried and pleaded for His Presence and His Mercy.
I was lost, afraid, confused, desperate, and longing for refuge.
I always went to the beach, or other beautiful places to hide…
From it all.
I longed for God. Prayed incessantly. My urge was relentless.
And I found Him.
Nothing inhibiting or distorting my perception of faith.
These days I’m aware of the mess out there in so many religious sectors and I absolutely hate how it pulls so many hearts away from His Love. There are powerful voices that edge their way into our lives and our beliefs and create such dysfunction that faith becomes messy, while mining for truth is almost unbearable.
It all comes down to this…
If you peel away all those voices and settle into your soul…
If you can be still enough to sense the yearning for something more…
If you can actively search for reason and proof of the Greatness that is God…
If you can dig deep, and discover an indescribable place of surrender…
God will be there.
And He will lead the way…
Trust me on this.
New International Version (NIV)
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
* I now nurture my faith in an amazing church community that grows me, challenges me and loves me in ways I could never discover alone. When the body of Christ is healthy and vital, fellowship is the most significant part of one’s spiritual walk. I am so grateful there are still strong and glorious sacred sectors that shine His Light and His Grace on this world…and in this world. Please don’t be misled by my passionate plea. My aim is to take you to a place of quiet contemplation without constant condemnation. My purpose of this post is to urge you to seek truth and open your heart to God, without the filters of external forces that may mislead or discourage you. Christ’s mission would not be alive today if it were not for the power in the body of Christ… the church. Church has a critical role in many glorious Christian communities and reaches far and wide in leading hearts to Christ. I am merely focusing on the pieces that seem broken.*