I have been so heavy hearted this week… unable to pinpoint where the ache is coming from. But every time I pray for understanding, I sit still in a stifled soul…suffering and suffocating from the weight. I think I have finally resurrected the angst and turmoil that has perpetuated my spirit…I keep telling myself that it’s feeling the moans of Christ’s crucifixion, as the anticipation of Good Friday hangs on my spirit. But I have realized that although this may be true, I believe something more is taking place. It just feels to me like:
Christ’s crucifixion lives on.
I linger on the Christian sites filled with messages that speak of His Goodness and Grace, and I read the endless comments of hate and disdain for choices made and missions blamed. I find myself twisted with fervent discontent at what I read, longing for it all to go away. The battle rages on…
I also dwell among the unbelievers, reading stories that lead through winding roads of disdain for the church, Christianity and all it represents. It drenches my very heart with tears…
There is so much yuck out there surrounding the bible, Christ and His followers that it taints my passion and at the very least dishevels me to sheer disappointment in His disciples. How on earth would anyone be able to find His Grace among the mess they have created? Why are Jesus’ followers so callous and calculated in determining their voice?
And the Pharisees live on…
Jesus continues to be crucified in this day… and His Light diminished because of chastened ideology and theology. People’s lives are at stake, yet clearly many don’t see the value of that dreaded truth.
This isn’t about church, or religion or any mass conglomeration that fills your mind with propaganda or labels or deeds or misaligned perpetual messages to bring you to some hidden agenda. Faith is found in the silence of your heart… the echoes of your soul… the yearnings of your spirit…the questions of your mind.
Alone.
You.
And God.
It’s birthed in the moments of solitude and the deepest desires that lurk beyond. It’s stretching beneath all the layers of muck, peeling away the madness of this world and emptying the trash of our brokenness. Pulling apart from the battles and the wars that rage differences of divinity and liturgy and principles… stripping down the barriers that break the bond and nurture an intrusive declaration of power that perpetuates rings of isolation or judgment.
I found Jesus on the beach.
Alone.
I cried and pleaded for His Presence and His Mercy.
I was lost, afraid, confused, desperate, and longing for refuge.
I always went to the beach, or other beautiful places to hide…
From it all.
I longed for God. Prayed incessantly. My urge was relentless.
And I found Him.
Alone.
Nothing inhibiting or distorting my perception of faith.
These days I’m aware of the mess out there in so many religious sectors and I absolutely hate how it pulls so many hearts away from His Love. There are powerful voices that edge their way into our lives and our beliefs and create such dysfunction that faith becomes messy, while mining for truth is almost unbearable.
It all comes down to this…
You.
And God.
If you peel away all those voices and settle into your soul…
If you can be still enough to sense the yearning for something more…
If you can actively search for reason and proof of the Greatness that is God…
If you can dig deep, and discover an indescribable place of surrender…
God will be there.
And He will lead the way…
Trust me on this.
Psalm 46:10
New International Version (NIV)
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
* I now nurture my faith in an amazing church community that grows me, challenges me and loves me in ways I could never discover alone. When the body of Christ is healthy and vital, fellowship is the most significant part of one’s spiritual walk. I am so grateful there are still strong and glorious sacred sectors that shine His Light and His Grace on this world…and in this world. Please don’t be misled by my passionate plea. My aim is to take you to a place of quiet contemplation without constant condemnation. My purpose of this post is to urge you to seek truth and open your heart to God, without the filters of external forces that may mislead or discourage you. Christ’s mission would not be alive today if it were not for the power in the body of Christ… the church. Church has a critical role in many glorious Christian communities and reaches far and wide in leading hearts to Christ. I am merely focusing on the pieces that seem broken.*
Chris, couldn’t agree more and I don’t usually ever go to church to feel closer to god myself. For me, quiet place or even a moment here or there that I can steal away is my thing, as well. So I can totally relate, Sending hugs your way though, too 🙂
Oh Janine! We are so much alike in that way. I am in my deepest prayers alone- when no one is around. THAT is where I have my most passionate pleas, questions, dreams…
I find fellowship so deeply important too- there is so much nourishment in being around beautiful believers who love you for who you are, or perhaps despite who you are!!! (In my case anyway!) I hate that so many precious faithful people are without what I have. I desperately needed to grow, and just couldn’t do it on my own. I love learning more about the bible and growing my faith with church.
I do hope and pray you can find a church home that is like a home away from home. It took me twenty years to find mine! But it was worth the wait. I have been going to church for 16 years now, and wow- what a difference in my faith journey it has made!!
Beautiful Chris! So insightful, so poignant and BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks so much dear dear friend!! I am so honored that you read it!!! I love you. SO much.
Oh, Sweet Sister! This is so amazingly tender and precious that I feel like you told me all this face to face sitting and having coffee. And I was on the edge of my seat the entire time! Such truth. I love that you and God met on the beach!! Thank you for this honest revelation.
Oh SWEET SISTER!!! Do you know that I could climb through this computer and hug you for about an hour? Are you ready? I’m gonna give it a try… hmm… Perhaps I should just get in my car and GET MY BUTT OVER THERE!!!
It must happen.
STAT.
XOXO
😉
Perfectly said, so there’s not much I can add. That verse pretty much sums it up! Holy Week blessings to you my sweet friend. I hope your heavy heart lightens as we approach the celebration of His resurrection on Easter! XOXO
Thank you so much sweet friend!! I pray you have a beautiful and BLESSED Easter as well. I appreciate you. SO much. XOXO
Sitting here crying. This is so beautiful.
OH Shell… now you’ve got me crying!!
SO glad you read it. XO
Love this. Pondering. Reflecting. Where do I find God? How well do I represent him? Am I a pharisee?
Oh Lori! I just love how you received this post… this message… oh my heart is so filled with joy that you get this!! We must all take a close look, right? There are souls watching us, dissecting our every move, our every word, our every rock thrown. I know- I see them with callous hearts and hardened souls… and it breaks my heart to pieces.
Thank you friend- for your precious open heart. God’s beautiful radiating Light shines through you.
It’s been years since I’ve prayed or gone to church. I’m hoping to find the same peace you have one of these days.
Oh Bianca… I love your honesty. I truly hope you can find a quiet place to just be open to God and perhaps let Him in. God is waiting for your precious heart. No hoops, or whistles or ‘how tos’ or even hills to climb. Just an open heart. That’s it, my friend. He’ll meet you wherever you are.
I’m going to pray for you, is that okay? Not a cheesy/pushy pray for you- just a ‘ohmyheart you touched me, so I’m gonna pray for you’.
I promise He doesn’t bite. Promise! 🙂
Beautiful. My heart aches with you, and I really want to just share cookies/wine with you. I’d even let you get me drunk and you’d be the first person on earth to do that.
WOOHOO!!! COOKIES AND WINE WITH MY GIRL!!!! Oh T- we are gonna have some FUN together when we finally meet!!! I promise I won’t get you too drunk- cause that’s no fun at all. 😉 We will pace ourselves with BOTH the cookies (harder) and the wine ( not as hard as the cookies).
Man, I just adore you. Come over NOW! (Bring the cookies, I got the wine)
It is distressing to see so many things pulling us away from Jesus, but I’ve been finding a lot of comfort in a song I hear a lot on K-LOVE. “Let them see You in me,” it says. And I think that if my life is some reflection of Jesus’ love that my part of the world will be a better place. Whether it’s at church or the grocery store, if others can see Jesus’ love in me, then we can’t be that bad off at all.
THAT is exactly what all of us need to do, Joey! So beautifully put, my friend! Christ’s light can shine through us and radiate within our life circumstances and people WILL feel it, see it, be drawn to it. We are walking testimonies to His Love and Grace. Pretty important eh? YES!
Thank you for your compelling input here, Joey. Have a BLESSED Easter!!!
You are pin pointing the very reasons that there has been an exodus from the church. People are fed up. The church needs to get it’s $#!t together, put our differences aside, stop fighting amongst each other and do the work Christ would have us do.
Until that time we can find peace in the fact that while the church may be in turmoil, God is not. God is constant, God is right here right now, God is wherever you look…waiting to be found.
YES Stephanie!! And God is bigger and His Plan is mightier and it will triumph despite the messy humanity that lies in ruins. I am thankful that there are still many vibrant churches that continue to reach for the lost with His Grace. I know there are some out there… it just breaks my HEART to read of such disdain and callous souls because of believers that would rather be right, or spend their efforts criticizing and blaming and battling…instead of searching for the lost, caring for the needy and serving those who Christ calls us to serve.
Messy? Oh yes! But the church history has always been that, yes?
And yet, God still prevails! He always will…
Thank you so much for your passionate input my friend!! I LOVE it.
Such a beautiful and poignant post, CC. You have such wisdom.
He rose! He lives! He lives! Thank God for that truth.
It was a tough one. I pray that somewhere someone softens their hearts enough to open it to find His Love and Mercy waiting. I pray that hardened hearts become tender enough to listen to His gentle whispers… and their callous souls melt in His arms.
Beautiful. “Faith is found in the silence of your heart… the echoes of your soul… the yearnings of your spirit…the questions of your mind.” I couldn’t agree more!
I do love that myself Jen… It’s not in the motions- or the deeds- or the choices- that radiates Him AFTER we come to seek Him, Desire Him, know Him. First we must take that fearful and vulnerable step with our very fragile hearts… to trust Him, welcome Him, accept Him.
If we are quiet, we will hear the whispers of His Love. And He honors our questions, our doubts, our confusion, our yearnings… And meets us there. And carries us on.
*****“Be still, and know that I am God;***
My favorite verse of all time. How did you know?!
Beautiful. Insightful.
I always knew…even without knowing– that GOD existed.
I know…because I felt His breath & heard his voice.
even thru the darkness…
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
OH Kim! It is my MY favorite verse too!! Why is that? It speaks to our hearts- our anxious heavy hearts… and pulls us out of them and draws us near to His. Yes? ESPECIALLY in the darkness. That’s when His Whisper rings louder than the silent tears that fall.
Oh sweet friend, I hear Him whispering to you. I feel Him drawing you in, pulling you closer… and my heart cries with joy. Sweet joy. Light. Redeeming Light. Thank you Father, for this.
We continue to be blind-sided by religion and all its trappings. By the unbearable impetus of rules and etiquette and doctrine and keeping pace and keeping appearances and making sure that we’re alright and ‘within’…
We get petty. We see the smokescreens and let them become important to us.
We argue.
We fight.
We spend time in deep discussion over translations and particular inferences.
We preach our particular brand of whatever.
We run around in circles trying to live up to it, getting angry when we fail (as though failure were letting the side down, rather than confirming that church is a hospital for the sick, rather than a club for the healthy) and lashing out at those who call us on our failings, or notice them.
We write letters.
We write blogs.
We feel bad.
We have poison in our ears and scales in front of our eyes.
Because all the time we’re caught up on hooks about all of these things, we’re not feeding the hungry, visiting the emprisoned, clothing the naked, befriending the lonely, or bringing our most to the very least of the people we see around us.
While we’re caught, defending ourselves from the Accusations, we forget to Love.
We’re messy. We should try to accept that and move on. And LOVE – active, verb, present and future tense LOVE.
I could re-read this about ten more times Lizzi. SO powerful, poignant, moving, true. SO much truth!! Oh gosh how you speak my heart!! If I were to pick my favorite part? SO hard… but this part- yes this part:
‘We run around in circles trying to live up to it, getting angry when we fail (as though failure were letting the side down, rather than confirming that church is a hospital for the sick, rather than a club for the healthy) and lashing out at those who call us on our failings, or notice them.’
The church is IS a hospital for the sick, rather than a club for the healthy. I swear that needs to be a quote in some really big book… YES! Must we remind ourselves who Jesus hung around?
Mark 2:17 New International Version
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
I can’t claim that one – it’s something a colleague of mine said the other day. He’s a sweet lad. I’m getting to know him a little better. Brash, funny, kind, and with (apparently) a fairly well-functioning faith. He surprised me with this, and I was delighted. I overheard it in conversation between him and another colleague.
Yes…God will lead the way! We tend to forget that part, and are very strong willed and want to lead the way…and as humans, that just ends in disaster. When I was growing up and we had difficulties, my dad would always say “God will provide.” And He did!
I love that your dad had such strong faith Ginny! What a beautiful imprint he left on your heart! YES. God will provide! We may not choose to see how, but He knows us better than we do… We must trust in THAT. XOXO
Have a BLESSED Easter Ginny!
I love this post and 100% AGREE. The church is a wonderful and supportive body but the raw beauty of my faith is found in Christ alone and the sweetness with which you share this truth is a graceful and appreciated reminder. Never made true by human effort–always by Christ. Happy Easter with so much love, and thank you for saying this so eloquently!
OH Meredith! Thank you so much for your beautiful response to this post! YES! The church can be an incredibly powerful piece to our faith journey!! I spent twenty TWENTY years without a church… and I was aimless…hungry for Him… I needed guidance and love and I finally found a place I could be myself and ALSO grow in Christ. THAT is my prayer for all believers. That they too, find a beautiful and vibrant church home that pours grace and love into each other and nurtures His Love in their hearts to shine for all to see.
The first and most critical piece is so personal and private and vulnerable for each heart. ESPECIALLY those who have hardened their hearts to this truth because of experiences or words that have led them away. My pray is that perhaps, they can find that moment where they meet God again. Oh, how I pray they can feel His Love despite the messes of this world!
I love you Meredith. You bless me, friend. Oh, how you bless me. XOXO
Beautiful post, Chris. If I focus on my relationship with God he enhances all my relationships. It’s not about judging people, it’s about loving people. Have a blessed Easter!!
Jennifer, I am so blessed by your precious words!! I love that… truly! You are soooo right!! When we lose sight of God, things crumble- our relationships change and submerge into that ‘yuck zone’. LOVE one another. Second most important to God. Second most important to us.
Thank you sweet friend!!! Have a BEAUTIFUL Easter! XOXO
When I first accepted Christ, I was 15. I hadn’t grown up in a Christian family; instead two friends on my track team shared the Gospel with me. I didn’t accept Christ right then in there, but the message resonated with me, and I found an old Bible, cried over it when I couldn’t understand its passages, and several weeks later took a walk — by myself — and just started talking aloud to God.
(Yes, imaging a 15 year old wandering the streets muttering…)
But it was that day that I chose to follow Jesus. It was that day when I was alone that I not only could pour out my heart and confusions and desires to God, but also when he could pour back into me.
For many, I know that they accept Christ with someone else, which is fabulous, but for me it was just God and me. (And wonderful.)
Great post, Chris. Thank you!
Oh Robin!!!! I was 16 years old!!!! Oh my heart! I am crying right now re-reading your precious words and beautiful testimony!! Us. US!!!! Can you imagine? Me walking on the beach crying out to God… 16 years old. Alone. Desperate for Him.
“But it was that day that I chose to follow Jesus. It was that day when I was alone that I not only could pour out my heart and confusions and desires to God, but also when he could pour back into me.” ME TOO!!!!!!
Ah… oh girl. I am SO blessed by YOU!!!!
Visiting from Karmen’s blog today. So true that God’s own children are often the ones who make it hard for unbelievers to enter into fellowship with Him, with his church. Your are right, it does come down to God and us. When our hearts are right before Him, our relationship intact, He will shine and other’s will be drawn to that light.
PS: I totally think you should meet Karmen for coffee. I wish I lived close enough to give her a hug in person : )
Oh Mindy!! SO wonderful to meet you!! I love how you put that… so TRUE. It’s between God and us… those first vulnerable steps toward Him are eternal choices we make within our very hearts. Fellowship and beautiful growth and nurturing discipleship comes from that moment forward. I pray that my message speaks to those whose hearts are hardened by experiences that mislead them or bruised them in some way. When the church is healthy and vibrant… we are His Light. And if we are radiating it Holy and Merciful… hearts will soften… and lean…and hear His Call.
(I’m TOTALLY gonna meet Karmen, and give her one very long- wait. NO. TWO very long hugs for you and for me!!!)
This is a very thoughtful post, my friend. I get what you’re saying totally. I DO go to church. I was raised in church but that’s not necessarily where I find God. People are the Church, not the building or the service. Personal opinion, you didn’t need the qualifier (addendum).
Oh Laurie! Thank you so much for your precious words of encouragement and truth. YES! I was a Christian without a church home for twenty TWENTY years!! God still found me… or perhaps I found Him… and although my walk has been greatly blessed and faithfully nourished through finding a church family- it begins with that private and personal moment ALONE with Him. That was my message. But I worried it would be misconstrued… I don’t ever EVER want to divide the church with its believers. I am merely trying to lead precious souls to the door…to Him. And then God will take them where they belong.
*been thinking*
God is bigger than all of it.
God is more loving than all of it.
He can work around it and USE it – all of it, if people only get to know Him first: that He’s there – that He matters. And you, and this, are signposts along the way.
And it doesn’t matter too much which branch of the trinitarian, baptismal faith people seek Him in, does it? They’re variations on a theme;like living in different houses in the same neighbourhood.
Baptism. Grace. Redemption. Forgiveness. Grace. Love
Does it matter if the church is a cathedral or a hut or a beach or the internet?
First learn. Then SEEK. Then LOVE. And bask in that love and pass it onwards. (which, by the way, you do SO SO WELL)
OH lovely LIZZI!!! How I adore these words from your heart… TRUTH!! First and foremost… we step forward with our vulnerable, sometimes hardened hearts and pry them open…to find Him there waiting. On the beach… in the church… on a walk…with a friend…in the dark night…it’s between our very souls and the one and only Lord. THAT’S where it begins.
YES. Love. YES!
There, see? You make sense, my dear. Perfect sense. *HUGS*
Thanks for thinking of me when you wrote this post. I have a hard time with expressions of God personified, because that is not how I understand the world, even apart from religion. But I think the sentiment that God is what you find when you peel away all the layers and look inside is right on. I love your passion. Big hug.