Hey sweetheart.
Together we’ve been watching the ongoing headlines unfold about the #metoo movement, as brave women (and men) have boldly stepped forward to share their stories of sexual harassment, abuse, and assault. One particularly painful story continues to be in the news as over 100 Gymnasts came forward in court to speak their truth and confront Dr. Nassar, the U.S.A. Gymnastics doctor, who sexually abused these women over the course of several years. Now, this sick human being will face the rest of his days in prison, thanks to a sentence that fits the crime. But this army of survivors will spend the rest of their days haunted by the trauma they endured.
In all these cases, both the parents and the victims trusted his authority as a prestigious doctor and were betrayed in the unfolding nightmare that continued for years. How does this happen? It’s all unfathomable, outrageous, and heartbreaking.
And then I think of you…
I think about how your dad and I trust your coaches and doctors and teachers and we also believe you understand that no one should ever touch you in any inappropriate way, but would you think an authority figure in your life has the power to do such a thing?
Oh, my beautiful girl, NO ONE has that authority. NO ONE has that right. EVER.
You must speak up if anyone- adult or friend, family member or doctor, coach or teacher- violates your body, makes any verbal or physical sexual advances, or threatens to harm you in any way. No matter what that person says or does to keep you silent, don’t stay silent. Please come to us. Your dad and I will believe you. We will stand up for you and do everything in our power to keep you safe. And if the moment comes unexpectedly and you don’t know what to do?
You fight like hell to stop it from happening.
You have our permission to defend yourself in any way you can to stop anyone from harming you.
You are growing into a beautiful young woman, and there are risks you will face simply because of that. This male-dominated culture has been at odds with women’s rights for generations, but the road is freshly paved with hope and recognition that change has come. The #metoo and #timesup movements have given you and all women a gift. You have been granted the opportunity to have a voice that can be heard and affirmed. This is big.
And this is most important to you.
I hold onto that hope. Your future will be different in this new age of awareness and empowerment with women holding men accountable for their actions, but sadly, the reality is sexual harassment, abuse, and assault will still prevail. It’s a truth I hate to share with you, but I need you to have the knowledge I never had. I need you to understand more than I ever did. I need you to be armed with awareness and empowered with courage.
Because as hard as it is for me to face this truth-
#metoo can be you.
I want you to believe you are worthy of being treated with respect. Do you know that? There are times when I can sense your insecurities, your vulnerabilities, and your need for assurance, and this is certainly NORMAL. We all feel that way about ourselves at times. But please understand no matter how you feel about yourself, you DESERVE respect. You must have the courage and confidence to stop anyone who is behaving inappropriately with you, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. Please honor who you are and believe you always have the right to defend yourself and protect yourself. It might be scary, you might worry about the consequences, and you may think it would be easier to just let it go…
But you are wrong. It is so much harder to live with the resulting emotional damage that comes from being violated. It could haunt you for the rest of your life. These beautiful and brave gymnasts have proven just that. Their testimonies break every parent’s heart wide open and leave it raw and vulnerable to consider their own child’s safety- at any age.
For you, the risk gets higher. You are at the age where the chances of you becoming a victim rise to an astonishing rate. These years, you are under a great deal of pressure. Pressure from your teachers, your coaches, your boss, your peers. But there is no situation or circumstance that should ever allow anyone to pressure you into being a victim. Be on guard, be mindful of the value you place on the people around you and don’t ever let their position take over your own beliefs about what is wrong and right.
Please don’t ever compromise your principles for the sake of acceptance, attention, or praise. It will harm you. You may feel like one comment, one inappropriate advance, one awkward conversation is no big deal- but it IS. Don’t allow one person to take advantage of you and defile your integrity as a woman. If there has been anything I want you to learn from the #metoo movement, it’s this: Let these women’s voices empower you to stand up, be strong, and defend your right to be treated with respect.
You have been given a gift of knowledge, a gift of strength, and a gift of empowerment through the #metoo and #timesup movements. You hold on tight to the wings of millions of women as they rise while showing you how to rise too.
I will always stand with you, believe in you, fight for you, and rise alongside you.
I love you always and forever,
Mom
Beautiful Christine and straight from the heart!
Amy
Thank you, AMY! (I love you and miss you!)
Chris, what can I say as a fellow girl mom, you just said this beautifully and perfectly. Hugs and I am most definitely sharing this now! <3
RIght? Our girls need to understand this, believe it, and stand up for it! Thanks for sharing, Janine!
Beautiful and real. I think about this all the time as a mom of a daughter and son. What will happen to them? Will Des respect women (and men) they way we teach him to? Of course I think he will but maybe many other women thought so too.
I think about what I’ve been through, and it sort of kills me to imagine they might too.
Me too, Tamara. Me too… I hope and pray we can prevent them from going through what we did.
A very important post! I’m going to share it with Audrey.????
Ah thanks, friend. I’m so glad you came by to read it and I love that you are going to share it with Audrey. Our girls need to know this.
YES…… to all of this. Every last beautiful word.
Thank you, friend! It’s sooooo important.
Beautiful, my friend. Cass and so many others need to hear this.
This is so powerful, Chris! Your daughter will thank you. Plus, I really think it’s important to tell our daughters it’s okay to fight back! The first voice of the accusers is always the persecuted as in the gymnasts story. Speaking out will sometimes cause a lashing out but it’s worth the trouble. Thanks for this powerful piece, Chris. All girls should read this and feel empowered.
I hope every daughter who doesn’t have someone like you in their lives finds this and as well I pray for those who feel alone to find someone to believe in them, stand with them and fight for them too.
Amen sister! This is so awesome, Christine. I was trying to talk to my girls about all this yesterday as a matter of fact and I was tumbling all over my words. I’m printing this out for them! Thank you for helping us all find the words on this heavy, important talk. Love you!
Ah yes, it is SO important Julie! And so hard to find the right words to tackle this difficult and uncomfortable subject, but my gosh aren’t we lucky to have the opportunity these days to offer our girls such knowledge and awareness? I am so glad for that. (I love that you are printing this out! And I love you.)
It is SO important to arm our daughters with knowledge, understanding and awareness. Well done, Chris. My heart ached for the mom who spoke out and shared that she was in the room with her daughter during the appointment with the dreadful doc and she had NO idea what he was doing. Oh my word. Who would have thought that a mother should be protecting her daughter when she’s also in the room?
There is hope. My son was a ‘floor fellow ‘ in his final year at college which meant he looked after the first years on his floor in the residence. To prepare for this role he had two weeks of intensive training on subjects from sexual abuse to gender identification to mental health issues. My daughter minored in gender studies. They both have taught me so much in the past couple of months about all of this and both encourage their friends to SPEAK UP.
Kelly, that story just crushed me too! I can’t even imagine…
I LOVE that your kids are so aware of such difficult issues! WOW. That is truly amazing. I wish ALL our kids were!
Your message to your girl is powerful Christine! We should never stay silent.
“Please don’t ever compromise your principles for the sake of acceptance, attention, or praise”. YES YES YES. Everything is about respect. It’s so important to teach girls (and boys) to love and respect who they are, to respect others. And to fight back. And to know that if they fight back, we ‘ll be standing alongside them.
I’ll print it and pass it on friends raising girls.
Take care Chris and thanks for sharing this beautiful letter.
YES!! Thank you so much for your beautiful support and understanding, always Marie! This is SO important.
I can’t even put into words how much I love this letter, Chris. I so wish my mother would have written this to me as a young girl. I didn’t understand many of the important points you explain here to your beautiful daughter. These 2 movements really are such a gift to us all. It’s amazing it has taken this long for these to finally rise up. Sharing this now as I’m certain your words need to be read by so many! Much love to you and your sweet girl.
I feel the SAME way, Candace. I so wish I had learned these things long ago too. It would have saved me so much heartache and pain. I want EVERY growing girl to know this, and I’m so grateful we have a chance to have these conversations thanks to these movements that have cleared the way to do so.
This made me cry thinking of my own daughter. What an empowering post, you’re awesome Christine. My daughter is in her mid-twenties and it never crossed my mind to talk to her about these issues. The #MeToo movement exploded late last year and I’d definitely have her read this. But I discussed this with my teen son. Especially when he told me he’s going to ask someone out this Valentine’s day. I told him to respect all girls. And that if she agrees to go out with him it doesn’t mean that she agrees to everything.
That’s so great you talked with your son, Nena. I too, have had the conversations with my own 12-year-old son and will continue to do so as he gets older. I wish I had known then what I can share with my own girl now. I’m so grateful for this new era where we can empower our girls with this knowledge and support!
“I want you to believe you are worthy of being treated with respect.” Oh my word. This. I wish every girl from the beginning of time to the end would believe this. Why have we been taught to believe the lie that we are not good enough, that we deserve what we get, that we are lucky is a guy looks our way? Why have we been taught to believe that our worth and value is in what we look like and what we do with our body parts? Thank you for being brave enough to have these conversations with your daughter. For far too long women have felt ashamed to talk about it. That stops with us.
YES. So much YES, Stephanie! It stops with US.
Wow Chrissy, what a gift you own, to express yourself with such strength and vitality! A truth for Cassidy too hold onto forever! And all her sisters who read this and swallow hard.
Such warm and compelling words, Chris! The struggle is real for our young girls. May your words resonate in their hearts and give them comfort and courage. Hugs, Ali
Thanks so much Ali. It’s so important we share these truths with our growing girls. I hope many can read this because the risk is far too great to avoid these talks.