Dear New Mom…
I’m not going to tell you how I gave birth, and if I nursed my babes or bottle-fed them. I’m not going to tell you about all the night feedings and how to get your baby to sleep. I’m not going to tell you when to start solids and when my babies started walking and talking. I’m not going to tell you what stages and ages were difficult and what were heavenly.
I won’t tell you about the pains and struggles and heartaches that motherhood brought me along the way. I won’t tell you about the moments that my soul felt full, or my heart felt dark. I won’t tell you about my screams and cries or joyous cherished memories of each moment that motherhood hit me fast and hard. I won’t go on and on about those hilarious things that will happen as your children grow.
Nope. I won’t.
I won’t talk about the years flying by, or the way your child will grow so fast you won’t remember those blurry early years. I won’t talk about how this helped me and that hurt me, and how I felt through each trying season of the mystery of this miraculous journey. I won’t go on and on about the beauty of it all, or the desperation a mother can feel for her child who is hurting. I won’t share those cherished moments of revelation and wondering, of questioning and confidence, of confusion and clarity.
No I won’t.
I won’t go into deliberate detail of my story, because that serves only me. Your story is all your own. Your baby will bring you your own precious story. Yours will be as unique as each human being that comes into this world, and you will care for your baby like no other mother cares for hers.
I won’t let you compare my notes, my opinions, my experiences, my emotions, my challenges, and my triumphs. Because they are only mine, not yours to go by.
What I will tell you is this…
You have set forth on a mission that will create something entirely yours. It is between you and your precious child. You will grow into this relationship in your own way, and discover the art of parenting and caring for another soul in your own time with your own gifts to offer.
You will slide down your own mountains, and claw up your own cliffs~ You will free fall into tundra that is completely unknown to you, and you will grapple thoughts through twisted turns along the way. You will set out on vast terrain, and dive into trenches and carry heavy burdens up many hills and feel the intensity of the weight you bear. You will become a heroine in your own right, through all that you endure and all that you become for your child. You will rise in victory over unpredictable battles, and you will discover an entire universe of strength and sacrifice that you did not know you had. Your world will change completely and entirely for the better.
You have been given a gift and a purpose like no other. You, are the only mother like you in all the world. And your child is like no other child in all the world. Remember that, always. Listen to other people, if you’d like. Learn from others and take in their words. But always know…
You are the author of your own motherhood story. There is none like you. Believe in this truth and hold it tight when the gushing river of voices comes at you with well meaning words. You may not feel like you know how to do this thing, you may question your every move. But I promise you that the only advice you will ever need is this:
You know best.
Believe it, dear new mom.
Oh, believe it.
Chris, absolutely beautiful and I agree each new mom writes their own story from pretty much moment one. The journey for moms is definitely the most challenging, but also rewarding, as well and couldn’t have said it better if I tried 😉
Thanks so much Janine! I had a horrible experience as a first time mom, with so many things going on with Cassidy. The hardest part was NOT believing that I knew how to care for her. The pressure! I just hope this helps any new moms really truly believe they can parent their precious gifts perfectly.
This is such perfect advice, Chris.
Thanks Alison! I’m so grateful you came by to read it, my friend! XOXO
Aaaaaaaa-MEN! Each of us is author of our own mommy-ing Masterpiece. If we compare ours to another’s, we get caught up in what are “aren’t” rather than the truth that God gave each of us to our precious little ones as gifts, just as they are gifts to us. Embrace the gift that you are, Mommy
: )
AAAAAA-MEN!! There is nothing harder than coming up against opinionated people and trying to make choices for your baby amidst the pressure of others in your life! I was such an insecure new mom… and Cassidy was SO sick and had SO many issues. It was such a terrible and terrifying time and I didn’t trust I knew how to care for her. I did. I just didn’t believe I did. I don’t want any new mommies to feel that way… ever.
Oh how I wish I would have just trusted myself in the early years as a mom. I would read all the books and feel like I wasn’t doing anything good enough. This is such beautiful advice, my friend. The years really do fly by, don’t they!! My little bitty girl will be 21 this month. Legal drinking age! Is that crazy or what? Much love to you!
EXACTLY Candace!! I wish I would have felt more strength and confidence as a new mom. I was a MESS!! And mainly because people’s opinions and the pressure of ‘what to do’ was almost unbearable. Oh, my heart wants to protect every new mom out there and say “YOU get to choose! YOU will be AMAZING no matter WHAT you choose! Believe in yourself!”
Your baby is an adult. I’m SO sorry to tell you that. lol WOW!!!
Awesome time is flying by with me, you and the kids.
And our family keeps growing more and more in love every year. Oh, how I love ‘us’. <3
SO so so beautiful!! Love it and sharing it. Thanks for encouraging new moms to believe in the awesome mom that they are! xo
Thanks so much Charity!! If only I had this strength and confidence when I was a new mom. I do hope it empowers new moms to believe in themselves right at the start!
I wish someone would have told me this when I had my first baby – I was clueless and felt like the worst mom ever!!!
Oh Kim, I was a HOT MESS!! Cassidy had SO many issues, and that didn’t help one bit. But I was so weak with worry and didn’t feel like my opinion mattered as much as the ‘experienced moms’… the insecurity was the worst part of those first years. If only I had the strength I do now. I do hope this helps a new mom feel more empowered to parent her child without doubting her decisions.
Hi Chris! I think we would have all benefitted from this post when we were starting out in the baby world. What a beautiful and challenging time. I can relate to everything you said about parenting. We all face it in different ways, but they all have a sameness too. Mothers are loving, nervous, hopeful and happy people. It really is a dream come true to have a family.
But it comes with blood, sweat and tears. That’s why it’s so great to have friends and family who can support us and tell us we are able to get through it with flying colors.
Blessings!
Ceil
Oh Ceil, I just can’t say enough about the bond motherhood can being to women! I also know that first time parenting is so terrifying and I for one, felt insecure and inept countless times and I don’t want new moms to feel that way! As I grow in this motherhood gig, I am slowly becoming strong in my choices and my values and I only wish I felt that way right at the beginning. Too many voices slammed my fragile heart with opinions and experiences, and that was difficult to navigate as I gave in to pressures of others sacrificing my own ‘mom gut’ truths.
I know better now. I hope this saves moms from questioning their worth.
Christine, I love the thought and the heart behind what you say, and dearly wish it was always true…
I do believe it is the mothers who worry and question if they are doing right by their children (i.e. who are consciously parenting) probably are doing the best.
But I am too well acquainted with narcissistic, abusive and withholding mothers who really have no clue what it means to love, care for and raise a child.
I’m so sorry you have had such horrible experiences with parenting, Nancy! I worked for 20 years with abused children, I know the horrific circumstances that prevail in parenting. This letter would be to those moms who earnestly desire to be the best mom they can be to their child… insecurity can be their greatest weakness. It was mine. I simply want to empower new moms to feel confident in WHO they are and HOW they parent.
Love, Love, Love!!!!! The best advice anyone could ever give.
Right? I just want new moms to not fret over all those momisms that surround our every day. Every single one of us will parent differently! The greatest strength lies within who we are, and we were MADE to mother.
Beautiful and very encouraging! Thanks for taking the time to write!
Thank you so much for coming by to read this Janelle! I really want all new moms to believe in themselves. I know I would have loved to read these words long ago…
oh my heart.
you did it! You put the thing into words!!
yes, if only I had this 10 years ago. but, it’s never too late for sound advice and heart full encouragement. 🙂
It was inspired by finding out my friend and Cassidy’s teacher last year is pregnant! She asked me about new mom blogs to follow and shared that she was nervous about it all. This had been brewing in me for some time… I do hope she, and all moms truly believe this.
This is just inspired. Thank you for writing an encouraging yet truthful letter for new moms. This just flies in the face of all the competition and mom guilt out there. This makes me think about the moms who criticize the other moms for not breast feeding or for going back to work for for staying home or for not giving them all organic or WHATEVER. Motherhood is not a competition!
EXACTLY. There is no comparison. At least there SHOULDN’T BE, anyway. There is too much pressure put on new moms, by well-meaning people. I wish I had that self confidence and someone told me these things when I had my first baby. I hope and pray new moms can read this and begin to believe in themselves at the start.
“You are the only mother like you in all the world.” Amen! I love that. This really made me smile. Not that I had any doubts or insecurities (at the moment) but this was really uplifting! Thank you.
I love that too… and believe it with all my heart. I’m so grateful you stopped by to read it Kenya!!
Yes! I wish someone had told me this that first year. Actually, I needed to hear it today — it’s been one of those days.
Bless you!
I wish the same, my friend. And I think we all need to be reminded of this over and over again… (I hope you have managed to survive your day. Those hard days are just…so….hard.)
You could not have put it more perfectly, Chris. No one knows your child the way *you* do, and there is no one way to parent and each child and parenting experience is unique.
Thank you so much Bev!!! EXACTLY! 🙂
Boy Chris – maybe that couchtime has proven to be brilliant for your writing.
I think I already know this went HuffPo but if I hadn’t known already, I’d be saying, “Submit this. Anywhere and everywhere. People need to read it.”
Oh heck. I said it anyway.
XOXO
Aw! Thanks love! Funny thing- ironic and yet probably more common than we know…
I whipped this out around 1:00am… it had been ruminating in me, since I found out Cassidy’s teacher from last year was pregnant. She asked me what blogs are good to follow for new moms, etc. I knew I wanted to write something about all that advice, especially because she said she was so nervous about motherhood. Then came along Stephanie’s post and that was what pushed me along to finally write it!
Published this, on a random whim I sent it to HuffPo.
I couldn’t be happier about it. <3
The one thing all the books never tell you…you did perfectly. That you are the best mom your child deserves, that you cannot carbon copy motherhood because like every snow flake every child/mom is unique.
Exactly, my friend!! I know you get this, and I know your support for other moms reflects this very sentiment. I love that about you, Kerri!
Amen sister! I have a baby shower to go to this weekend and I bought a nice box full of snacks. That’s one thing I feel confident passing along: after you giving birth and being up all night feeding and changing a baby you will be hungry!
PERFECT GIFT Rabia!!! XOXO