I stare at my calendar in that old familiar trance-like state. Oh my… it’s here…May. May is the month full of ‘end of the year’ ceremonies, tournaments, field trips, recitals, concerts and programs galore. I catch my breath with utter exhaustion and sheer anxiety just thinking about the days ahead. How will I do it all? Throw in my daughter’s birthday and Mother’s day and you have non-stop events that infiltrate each day and leave little room for even a sigh.
Everyone has a May. I see you all fly through your days scurrying with uniforms, instruments, athletic gear and costumes. Your faces have that similar sweet sweat, as you race to the next ‘thing’. It’s that time of year where it all comes to a climax and everyone’s plate is heaped high with the consequences of having a full life. I keep repeating my recurring mantra: “it’s all good things”, and yet I am still struggling to envision it all unfolding smoothly.
I’m in it now, as are you… and I wonder how you manage it all? I do it by staying up way too late and scurrying with extreme angst while riding the tail end of tolerance. I carry a certain dread underneath the glow of excitement. I ache for a break or an “out” and often find myself wishing for June to come fast.
So there I was, on a field trip with my daughter’s fourth grade class yesterday… something I was excited to do and yet dreaded at the very same time. How can I miss an entire day of blog work and house work and group planning and errand running and the endless list of “to do”s? I need to check so much more off my list before an AHG session that night and women’s group tomorrow and soccer games and and and and… I was already feeling completely overwhelmed just entering into May’s madness.
And then it happened. God sometimes speaks in a whisper and gently soothes our souls when we least expect it. There was a resounding “click”, and an ever-present peace that replaced my murky existence… He crept into my heart and laid this thought on my mind:
Be in this moment. Let the rest go…
And although I have preached this very thing to my friends, my kids and myself hundreds of times… I never really lived it. I always have an ongoing list of thoughts that litter my mind in preparation for the next ‘thing’. I call myself a forward thinker- but my organizing and planning sometimes leads me to never appreciating the moment when I finally get there.
This May, I am going to intentionally let go and embrace each moment.
I will scurry around and go at top speed to prepare and plan and navigate my way through the timelines and correspondence of said activities. And I will certainly stay up late and run myself down in hopes to prevent panic attacks and heart attacks from within. Oh, I may lose it from time to time and perhaps drop a ball in this high stakes game, as I always somehow do…
But I am going to be in the moment, when that moment happens. I will let the rest go… if only for that time.
After this new inspiration enlightened my heart, I later tried to test it. I searched for my phone deep down in my purse, while on the field trip, just to check on a few texts and perhaps open some emails that I knew I couldn’t respond to from my ‘non-iphone’. It was a habit. An automatic reflex responding to one moment of pause during a wonderful and fulfilling day.
My phone wouldn’t turn on. I tried and tried, and realized that the battery had probably died. You see, it was low when I left the house in a hurry this morning to make the bus. I will assure you I reprimanded myself accordingly for not charging it overnight. But here I was… downtown on a field trip with out any use of my phone.
A moment of panic rushed into my veins. The panic was initially for not having any communicating lines open with the school regarding my son, if need be. Then I climbed to the other side of the panic, and found this new sense of calmness in accepting that I don’t need to have access to my “stuff”. I was living in the moment. Why stop now??
When I got back from being gone all day, I reflected on how lovely it was to spend my precious hours with those adorable kids and learn so much together. Being in the moment becomes a blessing, when you truly embrace it.
I promised right then to myself, that I was going to take each step with purposeful intention and for each and every recital, concert, game, ceremony, celebration, field trip, event…
I will live it. Really live it. And let go of the rest… if only for that moment.
And as I smiled to myself with a new found conviction and promise, I tried to once again turn my phone on, as I fiddled around to find my charger in the car. Before I connected it, I realized my phone lit up and still had some battery left.
Oh sweet loving Lord,