Psalm 139:13-16
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
I had an incredible moment of self-revelation and acceptance the other night. It truly was a powerful turn within. If you missed it, read it here.
I have always felt drawn to Psalm 139, as it speaks to my heart and calls out my name.
It calls out yours, too…
Oh dear readers… read it. Read it again. And again. Take it in. These words are mighty powerful.
Truth. Love. Like no other.
Our Heavenly Father created every piece and part of us. We are “wonderfully complex”, are we not? His workmanship is “Marvelous” in us. He watched as we were “woven together in the dark of the womb” as He saw us “Before we were born”. He “recorded every day in His Holy Book and every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”
Wow.
Do you see what I see? Do you feel what I feel? Oh, how that speaks to my heart like no other verse in the bible.
Every one of us. Each and every one of us…
We are His Creation.
Our paths…
Were already lined by Him.
Our pieces and parts were designed and designated to us by the Maker of Heaven and Earth.
He’s that personal.
He also forgives all our human downfalls, through all the vulnerable twists and turns through all things in this world that are not worthy of Him. Through Jesus, He has given us His Grace. And I am in awe of this every day, as I cling to that truth.
But here is what I have come to discover.
Do I love myself as much as He loves me?
I whisper a shameful “no”.
Because in the corners of my soul are dark places that hide beneath His Grace. Memories and choices made and impulsive selfish emotions that ring and echo through my heart. He knows all about them, and yet He still loves me.
But do I still love me?
After what happened the other night, I realize that I have never truly been at peace with all my “stuff”. Perhaps I have tried all my life to make up for my errors and my wayward ways…
I hated those parts of me. And I cringed every time I thought of them, in that awful humiliating self-loathing way. When I go “there”- I always lift them up to God to take hold of them. I surrender to His Mighty Mercy…
And I go on, with a tender ache pushed back down to those corners of my soul.
Can anyone relate? I wonder…
That night when I had my new-found revelation, something different happened. After I surrendered it all to God, I continued to leave every tiny broken piece dangling outside of me, instead of pushing it back down. I embraced those shadows lurking behind my eyes. I shined a new light of love and acceptance and pride in every single ugly part of me. I ignited a passion I never knew existed. A new kind of love…
For me.
Because I am who I am, and it is what it is.
Somehow, in me came a new profound dignity. And I don’t believe I have ever felt so liberated in all my life. Released from my own captivity- I am free to be me.
All of me.
Messy, messy me.
Oh please try it my friends! Go “there” and find those dark shadows and shine your beautiful loving and accepting light on them all!
You are who you are, and it is what it is.
Oh, I certainly don’t like those heavy-duty debilitating and sometimes destructive decisions in my life. I want to change so much of me for the better. But I stand convicted and convinced that although there is work to be done, I can still love every part of me along the way…
Oh sweet friends, I pray you can experience this for yourselves!
Embrace His Grace.
Embrace yours too.
Psalm 139:13-16
I love this post. Most of us who are fortunate, learn to forgive others who have hurt us and let go of the past in that respect, but we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves and letting go of how we’ve behaved in the past. I don’t think we can achieve totally peace and freedom until we have the same empathy and forgiveness for our own past behaviors. Can I hear an amen?
AMEN sista!!! Why is it so hard for us to truly turn that Grace inward?
Self love is a long and winding road to freedom, really. I know I have journeyed for a long long time toward this destination.
(Not too bad for a POOMA post, right? LOL)
Amen dear sweet friend, AMEN! Your post touched me and slapped me upside the head all at the same time! It has even given me a new appreciation for the phrase “it is what it is”. For some reason I always had issues with that phrase, to me it seemed to release folks of their responsibility for their actions — maybe now I can see it as a grace-filled, self-loving proclamation that we should all embrace along with our heavenly father…. It IS what it IS!!
Oh YES Marcia!!! I thought the SAME thing about that phrase- like it was a callous response to weakness with no responsibility or remorse. BUT- in this light it is so far from that!
Oh precious friend- it truly is what it is… and should that really define our identity and self worth?
A resounding NO. NO. NO. NO…
AMEN! Resoundingly so!
Due to a complicated childhood, I only realised this year (in spite of knowing intellectually that God loved me) that I could have a good opinion of myself, and that it *counted*.
I’ve spent my whole life feeling worthless, stupid, a burden, not good enough, in spite of others telling me they love me for who I am, not what I can do. I didn’t see why, because it was so deeply ingrained that who I was, was a burden, an irritation, a penance whose thoughts and opinions were of no consequence.
But since that day this year when I came to the realisation that I can hold a valid, positive opinion of myself (when all that had counted before was the negative), I have understood God’s love in a much more personal way (I think). I understand so much more. And now can understand when others say they love who I am, because finally, FINALLY, I do too.
(not to say there aren’t bits of me I’m not comfortable with, but they’re a work in progress)
Oh how I LOVE this comment!!!
I hate the part about your feeling “worthless, stupid, a burden, not good enough”… that broke my heart to pieces. It truly did! (Sigh…)
But thank GOD that you have finally learned how valuable and worthy you truly are as a beautiful and loving soul. Who doesn’t have broken pieces in their heart and in their life?
Oh, how grateful I am that you have realized God’s love- and inevitably your own. YAY for you, sweet friend. Xo
It’s one of those things which happens when you’re constantly told it from some of the most important people in your life, from an early age. It sucks, but there it is. And NOW I have found out how to manage that, and thank God I did! I am sure He sent me the person who gave rise to that train of thought. 100% sure.
I’m sure no-one out there is completely whole and unbroken, and God knows that and cares, but it’s so difficult to understand it on a personal level when you’re in a quagmire! I hope that other people who read your blog begin to find their ways out of any quicksand they’ve gotten stuck in.
Amen from me. How hard it is to look at the deepest parts of who we are, let alone release and forgive, because those are the things we wrap ourselves in like a well-worn blanket. Those old familiar feelings are what brings us comfort in a weird sort of way. To embrace who He says we are would be/is truly living and freeing.
Ps 139 again, and again.
Thank you for this today.
Oh yes oh yes oh yes Laurie! It DOES become habitual to constantly see ourselves tainted and ugly… we often don’t even try to battle those critical and sometimes brutal jabs that flow so easily after time.
I just love how you put that…
“How hard it is to look at the deepest parts of who we are, let alone release and forgive, because those are the things we wrap ourselves in like a well-worn blanket.”
Thank you for your kind comment about my poem. There was an aging parent type crisis. My heart was so full but I couldn’t write about it because they read my blog. The poem is what came out.
I so enjoy reading your blog. It always seems timely and applicable.
A resounding AMEN! rises within me! I’m not there yet, as far as liking all of myself, but I remember each time I remind my girls that God made them – all of them – and they should embrace the beauty God made them to be and have. As soon as I speak those words to THEM I’m reminded how much I need to “practice what I preach”. Thanks for the reminder : )
Oh how I get that Tammy!! How many times I am teaching my kids about SO many things and I find myself convicted of the very principle I am imparting on them.
Parenting surely reveals so much in us, and constantly teaches us more and more every day- doesn’t it? Sigh…
I believe it’s truly the fastest way to “grow up”- when you raise a child.
I do pray that you can truly TRULY love all your priceless GEMS within you… each and every piece of you can glow in grace, my wallapoopie!
I love this Psalm so much too. I love it b/c it’s a beautiful love letter from our God and creator to us. All of us. I love your message and revelation that you can love yourself just as you are b/c that’s how Jesus loves us. He doesn’t expect us to fix what is broken before we can come to him. He’ll take us broken, mended or shattered. Being able to give up all the self-loathing once and for all is a big deal. Bless you, friend.
Oh thank you so so much Stephanie… I know you ‘get’ His Grace!! It really amazed me that I hadn’t truly allowed myself to wrap that same grace around myself… I thought I had… I really did.
But I think I had lived a life of “conditional grace”… oh MAN!! I think I just thought of my next devotional. 🙂
Amen! What an interesting and profound question to ask ourselves. No, I don’t think I love myself as much as I should. But I’m learning. I’m definitely learning. And these posts of yours certainly inspire me to accept myself even more!
GOOD for you, Jen!! I think it’s so hard to turn inward with compassion and total acceptance. We are hardest on ourselves…
I’m constantly evaluating myself- I live in the world of “introspection” and often- my grade is low. I know some people just “turn off” that switch because they don’t even want to take a long look at themselves. But they lose out on the blessing of living from a deeper perspective. That makes me sad…
Amen! I keep thinking with age, I’ll love myself more. Instead, I think I have moments where I might and moments when I still struggle. I would love to sit and let all the things that I don’t love about myself surface and then instead of that rotten stomach feeling, I could let them go and give them to God.
The thought that my life is already planned has helped me through some pretty rough times. I kept thinking, “I’ll get through this to get to the part that He’s written where I am okay.”
OH I just LOVE that AnnMarie!!!!
The thought that my life is already planned has helped me through some pretty rough times. I kept thinking, “I’ll get through this to get to the part that He’s written where I am okay.”
I am SO stealing that line!!! What an empowering and encouraging take on your struggles! LOVE it!!!
Thank you for blessing me today, sweetie!! (Will email back later tonight!! lol)
I remember Oprah saying once on her show that her 40’s were her very best time ever because she truly learned about self-acceptance…I can definitely feel myself with each passing year getting to that place. 🙂 Great post!-Ashley
I figure by fifty (holy crap… just four more years!) I will be glowin’ like a PRO!!! I am betting that broken glass sparkles better in the sun than one clean slate… Amen? 🙂
I can absolutely relate. Sometimes we don’t want to remember our poor choices and failures…after re-reading your previous post, what choice do I have but to embrace His grace. His grace is sufficient. Imagine even the hairs on our head are numbered. We are so special. I so love this post Chris! Thank you!
Yes Hope! That is another verse that always penetrates my heart so deeply!!! Oh, how our Heavenly Father loves us…. all of us.
His Grace IS sufficient. Now lets pour it on us… 🙂
You nailed this by calling it out as a grace issue, which is EXACTLY what it is. Thank you. God loves me as I am, and it’s just disobedient to not accept this–in heart and mind. You are so wise, my friend. xo
I wonder how limited so many of us are, because we truly don’t love ourselves and take hold of that Grace within. I wonder…
I wonder how God feels when we constantly reject His Grace that He always pours out on us… I wonder.
Yayy Chris!! It is wonderful isn’t it my sweet friend, to finally accept who you are? Oh the joy! 🙂 And yes, “it is what it is, and we are who we are”!! God is so wise…He knew exactly how He wanted to make each and every one of us and He acted upon it. Now, if only we can embrace His perfect love for us….then and only then are we able to embrace ourselves. Love it my friend! Thanks for sharing…have an absolutely wonderful week! Love ya! xoxo
I wonder how many people have truly embraced His Grace in every corner of their heart…
I wonder how many people are holding themselves captive of their judgement.
Oh, I pray this helps.
{Melinda} I have had those kind of revelations, too, Chris … and it is so humbling and yet I’ve felt so …. LOVED. That is grace. Loving my miserable little self. I’m so grateful that He is patient with me, but beyond that, he LIKES me. He is proud of me when I make the right choices. He’s plotting each step on my path. The Creator of the universe! Blows me away when I really think about it.
I know I KNOW!! If we really truly think about that- it is UNBELIEVABLE that the Creator of the universe actually cares and deeply loves US!! Wowza. Seriously. I don’t think we even understand the scope of that greatness. The magnitude of His Greatness. We are simply too human…
I struggle with forgiveness from time to time. Then I remember that I have a little someone who is listening to my words and who sees my actions. Then I work on it some more.
I love how you said that… such a beautiful way to describe the ongoing journey of self acceptance, forgiveness and love. Beautifully put, my friend! Thank you SO much for stopping by. So grateful. 🙂
It’s so hard to forgive ourselves sometimes. I know there are many times when I “beat myself up” over things and I am still thinking about them years later. God loves us in spite of these things…we need to try harder to remember that.
Exactly Michelle!! He truly does love us, in spite of all of our weaknesses and mistakes and failings… So beautifully said, dear friend, Xoxo…
Said so perfectly and how could I not say a collective “Amen” at the end. Seriously, i try my best to accept myself for better or worse, but definitely still a work in progress here even on a good day. Thanks for the wonderfully written reminder here today, Chris! 🙂
I totally get it Janine!! I think that’s why this moment in the mirror hit me so hard… and oh, how good it felt to truly accept and even take PRIDE in every single part of who I was… who I am. I think the turn happens when we can love the shame. I needed to love the shame…
I love you for reading and sharing your heart. I love you for always truly *seeing* my words. I’m so grateful that they bless you… I pray they always do, my friend. XOXO
Hi Chris! What a wonderful day that was, when you were able to see how much God loves you…all of you! I have a day like that, and then a day that I just sink into the memory of my faults. Ugh. It’s a struggle.
I think it’s so hard to get a firm hold on the concept of being accepted because our world just doesn’t work like that. If you mess up, you are going to hear about it, and someones going to hold it against you. That’s a tough current to swim against.
But I’ll keep trying every day to remember how loved, how planned, how precious my life is. No matter what anyone else says!
Blessings,
Ceil
YES Ceil!! It’s a constant upstream swim. Oh, do I hear ya sister!
Ya know though… I am my worst critic. Shame and discouragement and disappointment can be stronger than the flow of external waters…and that one night, things shifted- really shifted. I still struggle- but there is this new sense of peace and acceptance and love that affirms that I have done the best I could and I continue to do the best I can, in each step and stumble in my life.
I believe that is enough. Because somehow, it continues to lead me closer to Him. Amen? 🙂
And this right here is why I love you so much, Chris. You have such a beautiful soul! XO
AW!!!! Thank you SO much sweet friend!! *Feelingthelove* XOXO
AMEN to messy, messy us. And embracing who we are in all of our imperfect glory. <3
I figured out that in order to really truly love myself, I needed to also love the shame. Because that IS a part of me. Amen?
Love you girl!
***Because I am who I am, and it is what it is.***
AMEN)))!
Chris, you are a blessing & I love how GOD is utilizing your bubbly personality & non-judgmental words to reach out to others.
You. Rock. Hard.
xx
Aw girl!! Thank you so much for always stirring my heart with such love!! I am SO grateful, that you see me- and feel my words- always. *Nothing more beautiful than that* XOXO
Beautiful. A perfect reminder and thank you. And this graphic? I want to print it out poster-size so I can hang it on my wall as a reminder of His grace. xo
I know… every time I look at this graphic I WANT ONE ON MY WALL TOO!! Just love it! XOXO (You’re a LOVE to come by!)