My dear friend Julie has some beautiful encouragement for all of us mamas! I don’t believe there is one mom out there that doesn’t struggle with this ongoing quest for the unattainable Super Mom status! Take it in, and lets all have her mantra today!!
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We all love super heroes, right? The super strength, the super speed, the ability to always get the bad guy and overcome evil, the downright awesomeness that is the unattainable for your Average Joe, and the joy that comes from another day saved in their part of the fantasy world. They are just amazing beings…yet they are fictional, and we know it. Somehow, that doesn’t stop us from thinking that we moms are supposed to be super heroes of our own making: the Super Mom.
I see it all the time and have been there myself. We have it in our heads that we are to be the best, the super, the unattainable. We are supposed to ____ (fill in the blank). If we have always thought the ideal was to be a successful working mom, we feel we are a failure if we don’t have a job or end up staying at home with a baby or a child with special needs or can’t work due to illness or a chronic condition or disability. If we have always thought the ideal was to have a natural birth without pain meds, we belittle ourselves if we have to have a c-section or need the epidural. If we have always thought that the ideal was to get married and have a baby right away, we feel like an utter failure if we can’t have a baby right away or at all. We feel worthy of shame if we can’t nurse our babies if that’s what we feel the ideal mom is supposed to do. We feel inferior if our child has allergies or illnesses or difficulties that we think, “If I’d just done ____ when I was expecting, then this would never have happened!” We constantly compare ourselves to some unattainable being: the Super Mom.
The problem with the Super Mom is that she isn’t real; she is fictional. She rises from the imagination of little girl dreams, teenage ideals and womanly wants. She takes on a personality that no one can live up to…and she is a product of our own making. We all have our own Super Mom image that we want to be, and we all have to realize that what we thought was Super Mom is not what is Super Mom.
A truly Super Mom is one who listens, loves and is there. She is one who does what is best for her family. She is one who fights for her children when they need her to fight, and one who kisses away the boo-boos and mends the broken hearts. She prays earnestly for her children, and she loves them without conditions. She is the living example of God’s love to her family, and she lives every day for their best in her heart, mind and soul. Her life is meant to serve, shelter when needed, and support always. She does the best by her loved ones, loves her Lord, and that’s what makes her super.
Super is not in living up to some form of ideal that we set, but rather in doing our best daily. So what if you had a c-section instead of a natural birth. The important thing is that the baby is safe and so are you. So what if you can’t nurse. The important thing is that your baby is fed and loved. You say your child has learning difficulties or physical needs and you blame yourself, and you’re wrong to do so. It is NOT your fault, but how you handle it is. You say you’re a failure because you aren’t a stay-at-home mom or because you don’t home school or vice versa, and you are wrong to do so. You did what you had to do for the good of you and yours, and there is no shame in that.
Stop comparing yourself to a legend, and start living the possible. You can’t change the past, but you can mold the future. As long as you are doing your best, it is good enough – for everyone. Your children don’t know that the reason you are sad or depressed is because you didn’t get your ideal situation. They only know and see that you are sad and depressed and it is somehow connected to them, so they blame themselves. What results is a snowball effect that sends everyone’s lives into a tailspin, and we all know that was not your intent.
Dear, dear, mom, don’t fall into this trap. Stop the cycle. Stop comparing yourself to a super hero, and be real. Be that loving, wonderful woman that you are, and stop thinking you’ve failed when you never did. If you made a mistake or 3 or even 100, that’s ok – we all do – so stop beating yourself up about it. Today is a new day. Start over and live.
Instead of “Up, up and away!”, make your mantra, “Giving my best to my family today!” It’s the only way to truly live a super life as a truly super mom.
Julie Moore is a wife (married for just over 14 years) and mother of 3 (ages 11 1/2, 10 and nearly 4). She is also the author of Natural and Free (http://naturalandfree.blogspot.com/), which provides allergy-friendly recipes and helpful information for those who suffer from or care for those suffering from one to all of the top 8 allergens.
She also authors Fibro, Fit and Fab! (http://fibrofitandfab.blogspot.com/) where she chronicles her journey to becoming fit and fabulous in all aspects of her life despite having Fibromyalgia. Posts about her life in general and topics she is passionate about pop up there, too.
I absolutely loved this Julie!! What an encouragement for all of us mamas!! Lord knows, I need it daily! Will practice my new mantra regularly!
Thanks so much for sharing it at my place, dear friend!
Thank you so much for having me, Chris! This post has been on my heart for a long time, and I was talking to myself as much as the reader. We all need to hear this now and again, and I hope I am able to encourage your readers!
Beautiful message and wish I would have read this after having my first (Emma) and she was unable to latch. I beat myself up for months and felt inferior to moms who could indeed nurse. Now, I do know better, but still in those early months I was a mess and then add onto the fact that Emma had colic and never slept, I truly couldn’t think straight. But you are so right about the true meaning of super mom and cannot thank you enough for being here and sharing today 🙂
My sister had a story similar to yours without the colic with her children. I know I was only able to nurse a short time (about 5 months with my first, 4 weeks or so with my 2nd and about 2 weeks with my 3rd), and I had to remind myself that I was doing all I could for my kids all the time. I know what it is liked to be looked at and feel judged, and I know what it is like to feel envious of those mommies who have no troubles nursing. But we can’t compare, because God gives us each a path to walk that is not like anyone else’s. He gives us what is best for all involved…even if it is nothing like we had hoped or expected. It truly does work out for our best! 🙂
I’m glad I have been an encouragement for you today!
Super mom I am not. Today is a new day. Those are the words I need to live by.
You and me both, Michelle! I think I’d take an apron and a hug over a cape, though, any day, don’t you? 🙂
What a great post, Julie! I love your mantra, and need to post it on my bathroom mirror! Wouldn’t that be a great way to start the day?
Amen to that, Ginny Marie! 🙂 I think you’re onto something there!
Giving my best to my family – yes that is my new mantra! I love it! So happy to meet you here at Chris’ place!
Glad to meet you, too, Tricia! I’m glad you like the mantra! I have to tell it to myself constantly, multiple times a day.
Preach it sister!
You got it, girl! 🙂 Let’s get the word out, shall we?
Hi Julie! What a great post, and so wonderful that you have this wisdom at this point in your life. I don’t think I figured it out for a long time.
Pointing out what makes a real ‘super-mom’ had my head bobbing…yes! Love, love, love. That’s what lasts anyway!
Nice to meet you here today 🙂
Ceil
Nice to meet you, too, Ceil! I have to remind myself of these truths all the time because I am still fighting that legend. My head knows the truth, but the heart is a little longer in following, if that makes sense. 🙂 I’m glad you found the post encouraging. Thank you for encouraging me!
Always love your posts, Julie! I need to remember this one — super mom is just being the best we can be each day! Pinning!
It is so easy to forget that, isn’t it? I wrote this post as much for me as for the readers. I need that reminder all the time! I’m glad you found the post encouraging! 🙂
This is a beautiful message that all moms need to here. My mantra lately is I am enough. We need to stop beating ourselves up!
We DO need to stop beating ourselves up, Jennifer, I agree! We have enough pressure; we don’t need to add to it!
I think this is one of the hardest things to do as a mom – especially when it seems like so many of the people are around us are “super moms.”
The key word there, Kim, is “seems”. No one has it all together, no matter how it appears. Everyone struggles with something. In fact, you will often find that the very people you think are the perfect, super mom think that they are not but YOU are. Talk about irony. 🙂 As long as you are doing your best for your family, you are a super mom…and that’s what you have to remember. 🙂
Great reminder! Trying to be supermom is exhausting and unrealistic.
Exactly! And often trying to be Super Mom makes you even LESS available to your family, so it is lose-lose all around.
A much needed reminder for all moms. thanks!
You’re welcome, Andrea. I am glad you found the post helpful. 🙂
Absolutely! Wonderful advice for all moms!
Thank you, Lisa! I know it is advice I have to give myself all the time, too.
I like to think every now and then that I’m a super mom because I have successfully navigated another day, loving and caring for my children, and they have gone to bed happy.
Every day is a bit of a battle. There are no easy days lately, but they’re wonderful.
I love this. I need reminders very often.
Absolutely those things make you a Super Mom, Tamara! 🙂 I call that a beyond successful day! 🙂 Every day IS a battle, and every day that ends with knowing that there is love is a win-win. 🙂
Great post! Love your message.
Thank you, Beth! I’m glad you found the post encouraging!
Absolutely beautiful…both the message and the blogger sharing it! So glad to have read this today…I needed it. :)-Ashley
Thanks, Ashley! Glad that I could encourage you! 🙂
Well said. Be there and love them but know that you’re going to make mistakes. We all do. We are learning. When you think about it, we know so little when we bring that first one home from the hospital. We are barely more than a child ourselves. I feel bad for the pressure on moms now. There is no way I could put that little elf somewhere creative every night or remember to do that little leprechaun thing. And I am really glad I raised my children before technology took over so much of our lives. We were the house that limited Nintendo and television as it was. lol
I hear you! There is a lot of pressure…and most of it is of our own making. Kids may think they want all the things, but what they really want is our love and time. Things fade, but love and attention don’t. Those are the memories that last and shape us. I’d rather have my kids go without the toys and games and know I love them and will spend time with them than to have it the other way around.