It was the grey dress shoes that did it.
There they sat… right near the garage door, after I told my 12-year-old girl to put them back up in her closet six days ago and reminded her every day since. We pass those shoes about a dozen times each hour… coming and going to the car.
For SIX days I have been telling her to put those shoes AWAY.
I looked at them for the 13,435 time and cracked open the dam that poured out those raging waters, flooding the house with my ultimatum to both children.
“That’s IT. I have had enough of you guys leaving all your stuff all over the house! I tell you over and OVER and OVER again to put your things away! And while I’m on a roll, how many times do I have to tell you to clear your plates? Wash your hands? Do your chores? HELLO!! Stop staring at the T.V. and LOOK AT ME!!”
They jolt their heads up at me, with that startled ‘mom is on a roll’ face.
I paced the hallway, and began mumbling loud enough for them to hear my little litany of complaints and how I must do something to get it through their thick skulls that they need to play by the rules of our home or else…
And then it happened. That moment when you realize that anything you say will have no impact on their little sweet minds, because they are completely clueless. They don’t get the severity of their crimes, they don’t know how many cups I have cleared or shoes I have stacked in the cubbies. They have no idea just how many times I have picked up after them. Surely these are tiny misdemeanors to them that never add up to major offenses… but they are about to get the charges set on them and the punishment will surely fit the crime!
“I’ve got it! Oh, do I have a plan. A plan that will be sorely consequential to you!! Oh yeah baby, this is good!”
They perked up with that dreaded fear that their mom has officially: Lost. It. But what really happened, is I found my creative parenting mojo in the rushing waves of frustration.
“Guess what’s gonna happen?”
They continued to stare at me with complete confusion, waiting out this rampage, knowing that when I get to this point, there is going to be something big at the end of it all…
“There will come a day, and I’m not gonna tell you when it’s going to happen… you will wake up and find that I will have turned into YOU. Oh it’s gonna be good. And guess what? You will have to be ME!! “Switch It” day is a comin’ kids!! It will sneak up on your innocent lives and soon you will truly get a taste of what it is like to be on MY end of this parenting gig.”
“What? No MOM!! That’s not fair!!”
“Oh, surely it is!! It’s the best discipline I’ve come up with for a long time!! I will leave a trail behind me everywhere I go. I will stare at my computer screen and not lift an eyeball when you talk to me. I will whine and moan and not do anything you tell me to do, even after three, four or five times. And when you finally get my attention, I’ll respond like you always do, with a “Oh, yeah. I was gonna do that, mom.” Or my favorite, “Okay mom.”- without a hint of action. After I respond to your requests, I will go back to playing on my phone or watching that tv show. I hope you’re ready to do the dishes, pick up the plates and get on that laundry! And just to warn you, I’ll be getting hungry on the hour. I get to PLAY all DAY, and leave my stuff everywhere, while you scurry around the house and keep it in order, mkay? It’s gonna be sooo fun!!”
*Groans*
They perk up- “Wait, she will have to do our chores! This will be great!”
I retort- “Oh you silly soul… I’m smarter than that! I will surely pick a Tuesday or Thursday to be YOU. No chores on those days…But you can make me read, that I’ll do.”
*Sighs*
Then of course the begging begins- “Come on mom! That’s not fair!! Please don’t! We’ll do better!”
Confirmation, affirmation, proclamation– “Sorry kids… the day is comin’…It’s too late for you.”
And the day hasn’t come, just yet. Well, with all the things going on, I had to be mom through spring and well into our third week of summer. But as I look at a plate sitting on the table right now, I wonder if it’s time.
My kids haven’t forgotten this threat, this master plan of The Switch. Just last week, my daughter and I were in the car driving to swim team practice and she said out of the blue, “You’re not going to really do that, right mom?” I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Do what honey?”
“The Switch…”
“Oh yes, my love. On any given day… you just wait. It’s a comin’!!”
*Groans*
“Please don’t mom!! Please!!”
They’re still haunted by my plan.
I’ve played this one well.
Now which Tuesday or Thursday will I choose?
Hmm…
You are hilarious. My favorite thing to say when one of my kids complain about someone not doing what another person is supposed to do, “Welcome to my world.”
The other day, I sent Charis to ask all her siblings what they wanted for lunch, giving them two options. Everyone ignored her and no one would give her a straight answer. She returned frustrated and said, “No one will even pay attention to me!”
“Welcome to my world.”
*eye roll*
HA!!! Love that Charity!! I say that phrase ALL. THE. TIME!!! I love that we are so much alike. Oh, and major *eye rolls* over here too… 🙂
What a great idea and seriously cannot wait to hear about how this turns out when you do finally decree the switch, so please do keep us posted and share here 😉
I will definitely write about “The Switch” when this day finally comes!! I just have to plan it strategically!! 🙂
You are SO nice, Chris. When I didn’t pick up my things, I arrived home to find them littered on the front lawn (dirty clothes, toothbrush, books, you name it). I came around not long after the grass was a patchwork of my unmentionables.
Not fun.
Truly.
Here’s to Switch Day.
With heart,
Dani
NO WAY!!! Now THAT is some awesome parenting Dani!! LOL!! The toughest I ever got was shoving my son outside in his underwear during the freezing cold winter night and locking him outside for a few minutes… because the kid kept saying how it wasn’t cold, so he didn’t need to put clothes on.
I showed him. 😉
Haha, this sounds amazing! I wonder if the threat itself is enough to drive action. I will have to remember this clever parenting tactic when Eve is older (assuming she’s like most kids and will tell me she’ll do something a bunch of times and not actually do it). If you do end up doing this, I hope you will write about the experience!
It wasn’t enough, sigh. It’s NEVER enough!! My kids know all to well, I am too hell bent on being organized to let anything slide!! BUT- I WILL go through with this… and it’s gonna be GOOD. 🙂 I’ll let you know how it goes!
Oh do it!!! do the thing!! pics or it didn’t happen. I want to see your empty coffee cup and summer read and pretty painted toes propped on the chair….. and the chaos you have left in your wake. LOL
I think this is a great idea, and I did something similar once where I replied to all my children’s daily requests in the same manner they reply to me.
“thirsty, juice.”
me: stares blankly and then starts talking about something completely unrelated.
why do I not think to blog about these things?! 🙂
HA!! You simply MUST blog about these things! ANd yes… I will definitely take pics!! I’m sure the wake left from the day will be picture worthy enough! LOL Sigh… But at least I’ll have painted my toe nails and read a great book, right? “)
This is fabulous, Chris! You must write all about it!
Thanks Sarah! I will… I’m sure it will be an interesting read!
OMG you MUST do this!! Hubs and I did it years ago when our four kids were young. Saturday was chore day for everyone, but I wanted to give the kids a taste of their own medicine, so Hubs and I acted like 10 yr. olds and made the kids be the adults with all the usual responsibilities. We carried this out for 4-5 hours and it WORKED! My kids STILL talk about it to this day, and they’re all adults now!!
SHUT. UP!!! I absolutely LOVE that you did the same thing, Marcia!! Did you put it in your book? I still need to read it… shame on me!! It’s in my pile of ‘to read’ books. Sigh… I’ll get to it. You KNOW I will!!
Ha ha! Brilliant! The REAL “Freaky Friday” is about to happen! I love creative parenting. And this is one of my favorite parts…
“I’ve got it! Oh, do I have a plan. A plan that will be sorely consequential to you!! Oh yeah baby, this is good!”
Ever child knows when they hear words like these, they should be very afraid. Ha ha!
HA!!! I LOVE that you got a kick out of this Topaz!! Oh do my kids know… it’s gonna be GOOD! They ARE afraid. Very afraid. 🙂
It’s like Freaky Friday, only better! Please do this, Chris – what a fabulous lesson for your kids. Just the fact that they are dreading it, though, shows that they know how much you do for them (even if they don’t admit it).
I totally TOTALLY thought about Freaky Friday too, Dana!!! I like your point, girl. I never thought of it that way… I’m betting you’re right about that!!
Will definitely remember this. Might come in handy one day. 🙂
It sounds like an excellent idea, doesn’t it? But wait on it until I execute this plan, Lux. Lets see how it goes, before you stash it in your bag of tricks! 🙂
This is hilarious and genius. I just read it out loud to my husband! But he doesn’t think I’ll be able to handle it…to not deal with the trail. I’ll wait to here how your execution goes.
Ha!! I just love LOVE that you read this to your hubs!! I could totally see me on your end and my hubs saying the EXACT same thing!! LOL!! I will definitely give you the scoop when this day comes, Allie!
Hi Chris! I can’t wait for the blog post about THAT day! Or maybe your kids should just live in suspense…that might be more fun 🙂
Getting creative is a great way to avoid the ‘Mom rant’ thing. I remember many a rant in my day, and I wish I would have thought of this. More fun for me, and definitely memorable!
Happy Father’s Day to your husband this fine Father’s Day,
Ceil
I have seriously thought about holding the suspense factor for a while, Ceil!!! I need to play this one out just right… hmm… 🙂
Thanks for the Father’s Day wishes, Ceil! You are so thoughtful, my friend!
I’m secretly (not so secretly) glad to hear it isn’t just me… I have these meltdowns, and yes, the kids are adorably clueless about how OFFENDED I am about them leaving their trash and toys (same difference?) everywhere.
I do wait for that special day…. I just have no plan in action, of course.
Drives me CRAZY. I’m telling you- when your cutie pies get older, it just gets even more maddening!!! Start stocking up on cookies now… 🙂
Brilliant! I can’t wait to hear how it goes! Please do it so I can live vicariously through you.