I am a mother of two.
I have written countless posts about Cassidy… and quite a few posts about both Cass and Cade. But I don’t believe I have given Cade the attention he so deserves. Three of my favorite posts about him come to mind: His amazing birth story, how he grabbed the flag in flag football, and his precious nighttime wish. I really don’t share enough about my boy. I have thought long and hard about this, because each time I share a story about Cassidy-Cade lingers in the background. He has equal amounts of love and attention in our home and in my mama heart.
He knows that.
But?
It’s different.
As each child in every family has a different story, so too does ours.
My motherhood experience with each kid is much like going on two different trips…
My first child’s trip was one of those trips you dream about your entire life… prepare for it for years in your heart and your mind and your home.
But when it finally happens? Everything turns into your greatest nightmare. Everything that was mapped out in your plans and in your itinerary was blown to smithereens, and you are left still piecing every part together. You have survived it, and now you are reflecting on all the blessings threaded through the fearful years of angst and turmoil-
And all the ways God pulled us through.
We have finally landed back home where we are safe and on solid ground once again. Redefining our new life with a sense of gratitude and mistrust. Trauma does that. Constantly re-living the madness and the twists and turns of it all… and as life often does, moments jolt my memory and I reflect on that time once again. Things come up that force me into explanations of the past and the blurry vision of that long endured trip comes crashing back to now.
And then?
I look at my first born in awe. It will always resonate in me each new day I see her healed, strengthened, and triumphant in this long endured battle of health.
There’s a sense of pride in telling the story, only because of how it all ended. Victory over long hard war is sweet like that. Especially with a child I have loved more intensely than anything in this world. A child I spent so many desperate nights with, that as soldiers often do in combat- we melted into this powerful union that fiercely fought long and hard for survival.
Those eight years of my life, of her life, our life… will always be treasured as God’s finest work.
In me. In her. In us.
With my second child…
The trip was completely different. The take off was swift and intense, with an answer to prayer. I was still on the other catastrophic trip with Cassidy, while embarking on this one with Cade- so the tainted window of the plane was my source of perception.
Was Cade as sick as Cass?
No.
Did Cade cry every single night, all night for his first year?
Yep.
Did Cade choke every night with aspirated reflux?
Yes.
Did I constantly sleep with him on my chest upright so he wouldn’t choke? (All the while having Cassidy by my side too.)
Yes.
Did Cade struggle with terrifying asthma attacks in the middle of every night?
Yes.
Did Cade also have RSV?
Yes.
His asthma was different than Cassidy’s. Albuteral treatments made a difference, most of the time. It cleared his little lungs out well. Those middle of the night episodes were horrifying, as I would anticipate the episode with sheer panic. We never did figure the cause or treatment for them. But for the most part, he was your ‘typical asthmatic’- unlike Cass. He was your typical reflux baby- Unlike Cass.
He was treatable.
Unlike Cass.
Big difference.
It’s as though God gave me Cade to see the other side of one child’s suffering, while living in the dark with the other. And when you experience the victory so sweet each time you shake with that earth-shattering jolt, it puts one piece of your heart back in place. Had I not held that critical peace in place, I’m not sure I would have made it. My second baby slowly emerged with strength and health, through each passing test and desperate tear.
When I see my boy grow into this beautiful force of health and love, I can’t help but embrace the gift every single day and reflect and dance in the light of his living. I watch my boy thrive with his friends, academics, sports, and most importantly *his-much-too-honorable-character-for-an-8-year-old* that literally brings me to tears.
(Cade reading his new bible on a road trip. The one he brought to school and boldly shared bible stories with his friends. Every week. Honorable character, I tell ya.)
I bask in the goodness and the glory of his health, his strength, and his talents. And deep within, I celebrate over and over again the trip that continues to be an enormous success, despite it’s tumultuous start. I swell with pride and peaceful fulfillment with each and every day I wake to live another God given moment of this life with him.
And each time I get to look into his eyes and feel that passionate connection with my boy, I discover over and over again that there’s no bond quite like the love of a mother and her son.
Oh, my beloved children…
I am surely a mother of two. And the experience of each is uniquely and profoundly Divine.
If other women told us how terrifying parenting could be before we have kids, I wonder if we’d believe them. Good thing no one does though … it’s like even in the midst of our own anxieties about our young ones, we still understand it’s the most beautiful calling there is. xo
LOVE that Michelle! If I knew I was going to endure and triumph with this journey, I’m sure I would be more terrified than I already was! But God always brings us through… and there is no greater calling than that of a mother. We are BLESSED.
And LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing YOU here!!! SQUEE!!! 🙂
Oh, Chris. You are so right about the bond of a mother and son. I feel so lucky to have two! Such a sweet post. Your love and pride just ooze out of the screen!
And you are so blessed to have the hearts of TWO beautiful boys!! I know for certain, that the bond you three share is always and forever going to be incredibly close. I am so inspired by your bond, and your beautiful mama heart Jen! Keep holding them close… oh how they adore their mama. 🙂 XOXO
Totally can relate Chris and will say that both my girls are totally night and day in many ways and yet then they are both mine having similarities, too. And as you my heart is so full having both my girls that I couldn’t imagine not having either of them at all. I feel truly blessed and can say that whole heartedly.
Don’t you love how that works Janine? Such a perfectly intricate balance… oh how blessed we are!!
Ahhhh BEAUTIFUL 🙂 I’m so glad you’ve written for Cade. Cass is my BFF, as she tells me, but I do so very much adore Cade, too 🙂
🙂 And he adores you as well, love. He’s the stealth light in our family. You will LOVE his hugs and kisses when you meet him! XOXO
‘Stealth Light’? I think that might be his ninja name! WOW! He’s such a great kid and I can’t wait to meet them both 😀
I kinda want to schnoogle him – do you think he’ll mind? Cass and I will have to be very cool and probably create our own secret handshake (cuz, yaknow, BFFs do that) but Cade I want to schnoogle and hear all about what goes on in his mind, and hear his thoughts and his imagination and his outlook.
(There’s a chance I *might* be missing my schnoogly Neff a little bit right now)
Beautiful, Christine! Just beautiful!
Thank you SO much Roshni! I so appreciate you coming by to share in it with me! XO
So true, each child brings different experiences to a mother. And we love them in a different but the same way. Hard to explain. Its like a mother’s heart is designed to be stretched and molded to love our kids perfectly. Like water, it takes the shape of the container. I know I’m not making a lot of sense anymore so I will just stop. Beautiful post Chris!
You DID make sense Jhanis!! You’re too cute! We DO stretch and mold like water in whatever shape the container as our motherhood journey unfolds… Each kid per cup! 😉
Wow! Beautiful stories! Hope you have a fabulous week!
Thanks so much Sarah! Beautiful stories of beautiful kids. 🙂
I am constantly in awe of the unique relationship with each child. Can I love them any more? Can one relationship get better? Is one relationship better? It’s just amazing how each one is so special. Blessed. That’s all I can say.
BLESSED INDEED mama!! And isn’t it amazing how each one grows us in different places? I believe God made each child for us, and us for them. The different dynamics in our journey is so amazing…
There is something about the bond between a mother and son. Yes, you have shared a lot of Cass’ story but that doesn’t take away from Cade’s story. I’m sure his time will come; you’re too considerate and thoughtful to leave it alone. Your heart is writing it all down…one thing at a time sister.
My heart IS writing it all down! Love that, sweet sister!! 🙂
Well, I don’t have a son, but I do understand what you mean by how parenting each child is a different story. I am continually amazed by how different each of my girls is. Even though they have the same “backstory” – same parents, same rules, etc. they are so incredibly different from one another. I have to remember this and treat them accordingly. But, I always love them equally.
It is so fascinating how our children come from that same place- made with the same genes- and yet? Oh so different!! I’m so glad it works that way. It’s really miraculous. 🙂
I am so truly a mother of two too. They fill up different but equal parts of my heart.
Cade is so beautiful. I can’t take it! Can I reserve him for my daughter or he is so already betrothed?
She’d make him frozen pizza and he’d make her monkey bread!
DONE and DONE!!! Cade’s a lover- full blown lover. He will treat that precious princess of yours like GOLD!! Lets set the date NOW!!! 😉 And he’d gladly just take some of your ice cream or homemade popcorn. XOXOXOXO
I feel the love you have for both of your kids – equal intensity but completely different in the way it is expressed sometimes!!!
I think Cade seems like an incredible young man – sharing Bible stories at school?! That is amazing!!
It’s true Kim. And sometimes the one with the most difficulties get the attention… and yet? Cade’s glow exudes all the love and light strong enough to penetrate us all. I am so blessed for that intricate balance of God’s provision!
I have three and each of them has taken me down a completely different path as a mom. They each have their own unique story.
And they each grow us in different ways, don’t they Shell? Amazing how motherhood does that… 🙂
So beautiful Chris! And yeah, I think the mother and son bond is magical and I love that you shared more of Cade’s story here today. What an amazing boy. You’re right to be so proud of both children. <3
You know that bond all too well with our boys- and yet? I think you know much about my bond with Cass too- with all you experience with that sweet precious boy of yours!! We have so much in common, mama! MWUAH!
MWAH!!
MWUAH TIMES TWO!!!! 😉 lol You are the best!!
Such a sweet post! Is this the one that gave you so much trouble? It was worth rewriting!
It WAS THE ONE Ginny!!! LOL I am glad I pushed through the madness! And thank you so much for coming by to read it and take it in… It was well worth the effort. This I know. 🙂
I didn’t know you during those rough years with Cass and Cade, but I believe I can say with certainty, they made you who you are. You, Cass, and Cade are auch precious additions to my life and I can’t shine it without you guys. I can’t imagine SOPHIE’S life without you guys! We are beyond blessed to be journeying with you, broken bones and all ; )
XOXOX
I started to well up in tears… then your last line made me LOL!! I am SO blessed that our families are bonded- tightly wound with incredible love and blessings!!! Oh, I can never thank God enough for you, for your precious family- for US. XOXOXO
I’ve been realizing lately that Henry tends to get left out. I’ve noticed it when I look for pictures of him by himself or try to think of stories I’ve told that involve just him. I guess part of that is middle child syndrome, but it makes me want to make sure I give him the focus he needs too.
I get this so much Rabia! Just with my two, I can leave Cade out! I remember once taking the ‘first day of school picture’ with Cass and as I started to put the camera away- Cade was like “What about ME MOM!!!” Bigtime fail right there! Thank GOD we all laughed. BUT it was convicting – oh so convicting. Granted Cass was starting a new school so I was all worried and trying to support her- but it surely doesn’t excuse my neglect!
I might have 2 girls, but you and I do have many things in common as mothers, including very different experiences with our children (and of course dealing with repeated sickness.)
Great that he is thriving and doing so well now.
“Gift” is also how I think about my children and my second daughter’s early struggles were what made me so aware of this.
AMEN to THAT Yvonne!! You said it so beautifully!! It’s amazing how we can embrace it as a gift, when we suffered so much for it. We are blessed mamas indeed! XOXO
Two beautiful (in every way) children you have! And they are so lucky to have a mother like you who has endured the struggles and come out so strong on the other side! Wishing your children good health and happiness always!
OH what a beautiful and thoughtful comment!! Thank you SO much, my new friend. I just love your precious words!! 🙂
This was beautiful to read. He’s probably too young to appreciate it but I hope he gets to read it someday, too. There’s a lot of love pouring off this page.
Thanks Stephanie!!! You are such a sweetheart. I save all my posts- actually print them off and tuck them away in two separate boxes for my kiddos to read someday.
Right now I am only the mother of a son, so I don’t have a comparison, but I love the trip analogy. It makes me very excited to see what lies ahead for us should we have a second child. There will be preparations and packing, but I probably won’t study the roadmap backwards and forwards the way I did with my first.
You got that right Katie! I think after we experience the first ‘trip’, we aren’t in need of the frantic preparations and packing and planning… The road map is in place- but BUT the view and the stops along the way are entirely unpredictable and nothing can really prepare us for that! That’s when I find peace in knowing God has already equipped us for it. 🙂
What a lovely post honoring your children. They are beautiful and you are BLESSED. XO
Thanks so much Marcia!! I am blessed INDEED! XOXOXO
Your post made me smile. Each child is so different, aren’t they? And we have an endless capacity for love for them. I hope he reads this someday!
Thanks Michelle!!! I save all my posts- actually print them out and each kid has a box filled with them. I do hope someday they can read them all!! A tiny treasure of their mother’s history… And theirs. 🙂
Oh the tears. And how I can relate in some way. What beautiful blessings you’ve been given. And what beautiful wisdom as well.
We are both blessed mamas indeed, my sweet sister. Each ‘trip’ of its own… 🙂 XOXO
BAWLING. Oh Chris, this is just so beautiful and perfect and truly captures motherhood, especially when you have more than one child. And that post about Cade and flag football is still one of my all-time favorites of yours! :)-Ashley
I LOVE so so much that this touched you Ashley!!! You know it, don’t ya?! Thank you friend. SO much for your sweet support and I’m SO glad you still like that flag football post! GRAB THE FLAG GIRL!! Funny- I just published a post about the weight we bear… hmm. 😉