This is one of my favorite laughable memories of potty training. After you read this one, add your own in the comments below!
My four-year-old son paid me to wipe his butt.
Let me say that again…
My four-year-old son paid me to wipe his butt.
You see, he is almost five and still has “issues” with wiping poop off his butt. I get that! It’s not a fun thing to do, now is it? I also understand that he can make a hell of a mess with what lingers “down there”. I know the kid really needs to wipe his own butt, but I also realize the mess that can ensue if he does. I confess….
I have been wiping his butt every time he poops.
So… Realizing that he better do it himself soon because they don’t wipe butts in kindergarten, I have set the goal of him wiping on his own by age five. He whines and moans and cries for help… I prompt and encourage and push and threaten and we go round and round… every day.
So the other day he is sitting on the pot and yelling and whining and moaning for me to wipe his butt. I then prompt and encourage and push and threaten. He then throws in a new punch….
“MOMMY! I’LL GIVE YOU ALL MY MONEY IF YOU WIPE MY BUTT!!!!!”
Wondering how much he’s got…. Could use some extra spending money. What’s one more time? We still have a few more weeks to make our goal.
He continues….“SERIOUS MOM! I WILL GET MY PIGGY BANK AND GIVE YOU IT ALL!!! PAHLEEEEEEEEEEEZE!”
I give in.
My seven-year-old daughter laughs hysterically as this plays out, and exclaims, “I can’t WAIT to share this in circle tomorrow!!! My friends are gonna laugh so hard!”
Another story for her teacher… great. Why does she have to share everything?
My son goes right upstairs after the “deed is done” and gets his piggy bank. He struts right back down and empties it on the table in front of me.
My daughter starts counting as he stands by to wait the inevitable….
I must say, my son is a man of his word. I was impressed! I seriously expected he would back out of this one after he got me to wipe his butt. I was fully prepared to give him the speech about following through on his word, but apparently it wasn’t necessary after all.”
“64 CENTS MOM! HE HAS 64 CENTS!!!” My daughter rejoices…
“WOO HOO! MOMMA’S GOT 64 CENTS!!!” I chime in…..
“There you go mom.” Says my precious son.
Deal is done.
Sue Theimer says
Required reading for moms everywhere! Beautifully written, well-received, immensely loved.
Oh, so grateful to hear that feedback! 🙂
You should get him some kandoo flushable wipes! My lil guy had a terrible time getting himself clean too. After a few weeks, he was wiping by himself…then gradually to regular toilet paper. Good Luck! http://www.pampers.com/en_US/proddetail/id/900810
michelle @ this little light says
Oh. My. Gosh, Chris, that is so flippin’ funny. My 6-year-old STILL asks me. Actually, until recently, that is. I asked him last week what he did in school when he needed to poop and he said “Duh, mum, I wipe my butt.” All this time I think he was poop-wiping-challenged. Nope, he just liked having mom do the dirty work … literally.
Thank you for the afternoon laugh, my friend! xo
SO funny because my 7 YEAR OLD (now) STILL asks me to wipe his but when it’s “messy!”. Yup. I know that “mommy wipe my butt” scam all too well!!! My kid waits all day to come home from school and sit in the bathroom for twenty minutes!! BUT the kid can wipe his own butt. THIS I know!! (However, I still do it when it’s messy. Lucky me!!)
Hmmmmmm…this is not such a bad idea! I also have a son that we struggle with wiping. 😉
– Stopping by from themommymess!
Give it a try… And just think of all the shopping money you will get in this parenting twist! (I mean I almost could buy a pack of gum!!)
This is beyond hilarious! I have had to wipe a lot of butts myself way past potty training – and even though I am done with babies, hypothetically speaking, if there ever is a next time, I’m asking for money!
I wish I continued to get paid for it!! I would SO be a rich woman now!!! 😉 Ooooh. WAIT!! I know for a FACT the kid has 50 bucks in the bank from his birthday! I am totally going for it next time!!! LOL
Bahahahahahaaa!!! Hilarious! My 8 year old still begs for help! Not every time, but on those really messy ones. LOL!!!! (shhhh…don’t tell anyone). I need to share this whole plan with him.
Oh, well now that I know there is an 8 year parameter in this wiping gig… I am SO gonna make some more money!!! AND next year I am totally raising my fees!! 🙂
Erika ~ Prey Species says
OK – this is hilarious!!!! Sooo glad you shared this one!!!!!
Thanks so much Erika!! I still crack up thinking about how it all played out! 🙂
Since Gia is newly-potty trained, I can totally relate to this as I predict that I’ll be wiping butts for a few more years. So funny!
Your son is quite the entrepreneur!
I believe so Robbie!! I actually call him the master manipulator!!! I mean, really??!! Next time I am sooo gonna see how much he has first! 🙂
Kristen Daukas says
Oh how grateful am I that we’re way past this stage? Although.. if you give him enough money and he gives it back to you.. you can justify buying YOU things because HE gave you the money, right?!
This is fantastic! I think you are brilliant for getting your son to pay you–how am I not savvy enough to do this?? Hope you didn’t go too crazy and spend all that $$ at once! 😉
I have a plan… he has saved up his allowance and birthday money. I’m going BIG next time. When he is DESPERATE with a messy butt… I will get it ALL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Score ONE for mommy! 😉
OMG!!!! Chris! I almost choked on my late night tea…maybe I shouldn’t be drinking tea this late. This is sooo funny and I can totally relate! And here it is 3 years later…you must be very rich my friend.lol