In the last 24 hours, I have had several mom-friends share their feelings of either shame over “failures” or exhaustion over trying so hard to do it all…
I can’t shake it. I know these women. I believe in who they are and all they do for their children. How is it that they don’t see the same things I do? Do they see the gifts they have and the amazing blessings they give their family? Self-criticism, blame, and punishment. It comes so naturally doesn’t it? I see it all the time. I often wonder why it is we can’t see beyond those pieces in our life that we fall short on, and embrace those triumphs in all we do right.
A mom who regrets and shamefully shares that she was unable to keep photo albums of some of her children, however she has had nine kids (yes, NINE) and all have grown into beautiful amazing faithful human beings. ALL OF THEM! Falling short?
A mom who works full time, comes home to do homework with the older kids, rises to the “mom job”, breast feeds her infant at 3:00am and up to start the day all over again at 6:00am… but she can’t shake her fatigue and depression because she needs more time in the day to do it all. Falling short?
A mom who has four children, works as a nurse for 12-hour shifts, and struggles with desperate attempts to help her kids with ADHD and academic issues. Her shame? Not being able to find her son’s glasses that he lost and equating this with her success as a mom. Falling short?
A mom who forgets a morning brunch and shames herself for not keeping up with her social calendar… having a nursing baby, 7 other children off to school that first day and one on the way in a month. Falling short?
A mom who is desperately trying to help her children adjust to a divorce and living arrangements, feeling pain over their pain. Yet, her faith is evident in their lives, as she has remarkably taught them to trust in God. Falling short?
A mom who loses her temper with a child she is home schooling and shames herself for lack of control…all the while just starting this new way of life with THREE children in various grade levels, attempting to create a unified family. Falling short?
Here’s the thing my dear moms…
What’s your “mother mission statement”?
If we think in terms of having this ministry in our lives, which indeed that is exactly what it is: Should we have a purpose to shoot for? Are we indeed carrying out our mission? Aside from the things we fall short on, can we see that our mission is being fulfilled? Or has it been clouded up with the self-blame and judgment choking our light and our power? If we have a mission to measure our motherhood, maybe we would be able to realize that although we may fall short on some things…
We are carrying out our mission!!
I can’t write your mission statement. But I can offer some ideas…
My children build a strong foundation of faith.
My children are loved unconditionally and always know they belong in our family.
My children become successful citizens of the community and find a purpose.
My children learn to love others and live in grace.
My children develop strong coping skills to live in society.
My children find true self-confidence in who they are.
These are just a few. Maybe you have more or maybe you like them all…
Of course there are millions of goals we have for our children and many details we must follow through in order to achieve them: Sleeping through the night, potty training, passing 3rd grade, making the volleyball team, keeping up with their homework… ETC. It’s not these “missions” I am talking about- those are “mini-missions”, not THE mission! Of course they are significant, but as we walk through the millions of opportunities to fall short on those…
We can keep our eyes on the bigger picture.
If you realize your Mother Mission, the details and every day shame will become smaller and your vision of your ministry will become clearer. There is no perfect mom. All far short. But at the end of your day, you can reflect on your “mom mission” and know that even through those few failed attempts in the details…
Your mission is being accomplished.
Can I hear an AMEN?
So as you find yourself counting all the mini-goals and details you may have fallen short in your mother ministry, please do me a favor?
Reflect back again and find all the things you have done that truly support your mission.
Picture your mother ministry like a hiking path that is created by those pebbles you see often at parks etc. You are walking on your path defined by the pebbles. The pathway is created by millions of them that lead you around bends and turns. There are endless pebbles as you go on that path that leads your way. You see some pebbles that have been kicked off the path…maybe even some piles, maybe you see a few way over on the grass.. Although you continue to see them scatter to and fro at times by the pressure of your feet, the path is still evident. You are still able to see where you are going to go, where you have been, and where you are…because the millions of pebbles are exactly where they should be.
On the path…
(Okay, not that you can’t go and grab a bunch of pebbles and throw them back on the path! Even one or two when you can, if you can! But the visual is getting too long! I could do another page on how to “pick up the pebbles and throw them back onto the path, but really…I think we’re done here!)
I do needed to read that right now especially after being up with the baby for 2 hrs already in the middle of the night.
Oh you poor thing!! I cannot imagine how you do it with three little ones, Nicole! SO glad you were encouraged by this post and SO glad you took the time to comment! Now I can pray for you today! 🙂
Thank you for bringing this to light in your own special way. You know I think we all aspire to be “June cleaver” but fail to remember that June a) had help on the set and b) being “June” was her only role (okay and the obvious that SHE WASN’T REAL!) What is perfect anyway right? thanks again Chris for the reminder that we’re all in this together!
YES! There truly is no perfect mom, and we will always fall short! Eyes on the prize mama…eyes on the prize!
WOW, Nicole and I need to become BFF’s too!! I read this while I was up with our little one in the middle of the night! It helped to keep me up and thinking!!
I wonder, though, if it isn’t that very drive, “the shame over “failures” or exhaustion over trying so hard to do it all…” as you put it that pushes us. What happens if we all stopped doing that? I fear it would make me lax on what needed to be done. I may just actually stay in bed the whole day and never move!
I don’t know, I am constantly told to not be so hard on myself. I give everyone else the benefit of the doubt, but not me. I don’t know what to do if I did…would I just stop? If I don’t do it all, will I not do anything? I am trying to give myself a break, but I truly don’t know how!!
I don’t think we would ever give up or let go entirely because it is IN US!!! We sometimes think we would just stay in bed all day if we had the choice…but I know YOU Melissa!!! You could never do it!! Although your body might be screaming SLEEP, your heart screams louder…MOM!!! Love you honey, praying for you!!!!
Oh, and Melissa meet Nicole!! You are NOW BFFs!!!!
Love this and yes…I can give you an Amen! You are such a beautiful soul! love ya
AMEN! SOOOO glad you read and liked this post!! You’re even more beautiful my dear friend… 🙂 Here’s to “stayin’ on the path”! Oh how you are an example of carrying out your motherhood mission! For all THREE of your kids… You amaze me.
Great Job, Chris!
It is exactly where we need to stay focused…on the bigger picture. I love your humorous spin on life, as always. 🙂 Thanks!
Did you see you in there? You are amazing… and inspiration… and a great example of this truth. 🙂
Thank you Chris! 🙂 I am reminded of the passage in scripture where Jesus says it is the weak whom He makes strong and that His grace is sufficient for me…I can do my mission only with God’s help. Also, wanted to recommend a wonderful book I read recently that really inspired me in this area: “The 10 habits of happy mothers: reclaiming our passion, purpose, and sanity by Meg Meeker. (You can get book on cd from the library.)
Amen! Thank you so much Patty for sharing the scripture and the book!! Both are a great source of encouragement and grace, and we ALL need that in this ministry and mission!! SO glad you shared!!!
Well said. We, as moms, need these reminders. We’re not falling short. We’re simply trying to do too much. As long as we’re on that path, we’re good. Thanks for that reminder.
Yes, always trying to do more than we can and expecting way too much of ourselves! I have to remind myself that grace is in every step of my path, pebbles kicked and all! Thanks so much Jennifer for reading and commenting!!! So grateful! 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement for the ‘mom’ club so many of us are privileged to be a part of! Yes, I of course noticed your ‘personal’ touch in this post. I know we all push ourselves so hard and are too hard on ourselves, but the rewards are so awesome and at least for me, those rewards, like my 5 y/o climbing in my lap every day and running his fingers through my hair, those moments I hear a voice whispering that I’m doing a lot of good stuff every day….my prayer is that moms out there here that same voice each day to carry them and inspire them to the next day!
I can just picture that precious boy sitting on your lap and caressing your hair while cuddled in your arms! What a precious visual…and a treasured time for you with your children! If only all moms can notice those little blessings daily to pull them through the times they feel like they are falling short. On those hard days/hours/minutes…we must remember our mission!
Hey there Christine! I’m visiting from SITS.
This post was so poignant for me this morning. I’m a mom of 1, run a business from home, and have a husband that travels often. Our house is pretty busy and it’s hard to balance it all (as I speak, my sink is full of dishes and the laundry hasn’t been folded in a week). I’m a juggler by nature, but sometimes you just reach a max capacity point and have a “moment” where you think, I’m falling short.
One of the best quotes I’ve heard is “I’m doing a good work and cannot come down” referenced from the Bible story of Joshua building the wall. As a mom, wife and business owner, I have to remind myself of this constantly. It’s not always perfect, but my heart is good and sometimes we just need a date night, a good bubble bath or some alone time to reflect and appreciate the good things we’ve been given to manage.
Thanks for your post! I appreciated it
Lisa
LOVE that quote!!!! We all are doing a “good work”!! Our mission is being accomplished! If we could only see it from ‘above’ and realize the path is strong and steady, no matter how often we feel the guilt and shame over falling short! Thanks so much for reading and commenting Lisa!!!
Beautiful Chris. Full of wisdom and honesty. Mothers should definitely have a mission statement. I was at an event yesterday where there was a lot of talk about mother guilt and how to simply stop feeling it. It was impactful. So was this post. 🙂
Thank you SO much Asley!! It’s amazing how much that guilt of “falling short” keeps us from embracing the grace in the every day. Sometimes it simply blinds us of our amazing mission we continue to succeed in, no matter how many pebbles get kicked off the path!!
it’s true, we beat ourselves up for not being perfect, when there is no perfect, only the best we can, day after day. thanks.
And our best is good enough!!! Our kids will make it through all the things we do RIGHT… 🙂 Thanks for stopping by my friend!!!
Loved your mission list! Some of the stuff I worry about in the day-to-day has nothing to do with the big picture.
Thanks Adrienne!! That is so true- and I often get submerged in the “day-to-day” stuff and lose sight of the big picture. I need a reminder daily to think “BIG”. 🙂
So needed to read this…just started working 12 hour days a couple of weeks ago and I feel like I’m flunking out with my kids lately.
Oh bless your heart Stacey!!! I can’t imagine working 12 hour days AND being a mom. Please know, despite your long hours… I have a good feeling you are still STILL succeeding in your Motherhood Mission. Perhaps this was the reminder given at the right time. 🙂
Thank you for this! Moms really need to read this, and feel a little better about themselves.
It’s really all about the big picture… despite those small details that pull us down. I like staying focused on my main mission statements and then I don’t feel as guilty or overwhelmed when I kick a few pebbles off the path. 🙂 ALL moms need this kind of grace, I believe!
I love the idea of actually consciously thinking about what our mission is. So often, it feels like we’re just trying to get through the freaking day. Another awesome, inspirational post lady. 🙂
EXACTLY Meredith!!! It’s functioning between one minute and the next… no room for air, especially with little ones! we could keep track of all our mistakes and the balls we drop, or we can realize our mission is still in tact despite a few pebbles off the path. It helps. 🙂
Amen! I have never really thought of having a mommy mission! Not one in print that will remind me what my purpose is on a daily basis anyway. Love this Chris!
Thanks Jhanis!! It makes the little battles and mistakes seem SO much smaller, if we realize our main mission. I think it takes the burden of guilt off our backs more than anything else. I for one, need that!!