I turned around from my desk and let out that under-the-breath-kind-of-sigh as my eyes rolled up and over to my husband. I had things to do and little interest in what he was saying. It was quite apparent to him, too.
“Never mind. You’re obviously busy.”
As he walked away from me, I sank further down in my chair realizing the moment he responded that I had made the wrong choice.
“I’m sorry! I just have so much to do since I got home late…” My words faded into empty air as he had already started to retreat to the basement.
I paced the kitchen with that punch in the gut lingering.
I tried again to holler down with my pathetic explanation of how I’m really tired and I just wanted to get this done before I pack the lunches and it’s late and… and…
I was attempting to excuse me of any offense and negotiate a new deal of interaction-
He’d have none of it.
He wasn’t mad, just disappointed. I heard it in his voice. I saw it in his eyes. And he had every right to feel that way. I haven’t seen my guy all day, and he simply wanted to talk. He had some ideas to share and his bid for my time was rejected. So he checked out. He received my message loud and clear.
Other things in my life are more important than him.
It happens too many times.
Funny thing is-
If I were to list the most important priorities in my life, that guy is number 2.
He’s right up there on the top of the list, only second to The Almighty Creator of heaven and earth.
Huh.
Well, it sure doesn’t look that way.
There are just so many little distractions eating up our lives, bidding for our time and attention, steering us away from the things that matter most.
Some of them are actually pretty important and deserve our attention. Some of them are even on our top priority list, but perhaps down a few lines beneath the big ones. Others, not so much. They are simply time eaters. Really. An utter waste.
I live a lot of my time in many of these categories.
Distracted by them all.
This moment with my husband was one of them.
There was nothing urgent I needed to do. Sure there was a long list of things on my agenda, but really?
I just felt the urgency to get it done.
What I missed out on was the big catch of the day, while swimming against the crashing waves of little fish nipping at my skin.
It’s all upstream I tell ya.
Picture your own top five priorities in your life…
Think of them as those beautiful big whales in the deep blue sea. Such valuable pieces and parts of our lives are easy to spot right? Not if you are constantly in a swarm of massive schools of fish nipping at your legs and clouding your vision so all you see are millions of little fish in those murky waters. You flail your hands trying to swim through them to open up that clear path to find the whales, but they keep coming right back through your legs and arms engulfing you everywhere.
You are submerged.
And that thundering white noise of splashing fish can drown out the true priorities of our lives. I hear those precious top priorities whisper as I muddle through those waves of little fish, and often the simmering whispers finally bubble into a boil of screams begging for my attention.
That’s when I know I am in too deep…
And I finally make the right choice.
Oh, how I wish I had made that choice with my husband.
This week I lost many opportunities while being swarmed with other stuff, but there were a few times I did make the right choice…
The other night, I rushed home from the grocery store and threw all the bags in the house knowing my boy was waiting ever so patiently for me.
There he was, sitting at the piano waiting for the lesson I promised him weeks ago. THIS was the night I was going to come through on his plea. It was a near miss. I attempted to shove in one more thing and time was running out.
“Where were you, mom? I’m ready! I’m waiting! Can I have my lesson now?”
I took off my coat and walked straight to the piano and sat next to him with a squeal of delight and left those bags strewn all over the floor, while I focused on the right choice. I have never let the grocery bags sitting on the floor like that. Ever. I’m sure my anxiety drives my need to complete tasks, because I get increasingly anxious and overwhelmed when I can’t finish them. I decided at that moment to consciously keep that crap at bay. I heard the bubbling whispers turned into boiling screams. I needed to grab hold of this precious priority NOW.
We had 45 minutes before I had to leave again to go get my daughter at swim practice. That was just enough time to pour all my attention and my love all over my boy.
The kid was beaming.
And I kept thinking to myself, “Yes. THIS. Oh, so much THIS.”
Earlier that afternoon, I left my messy house and loaded email inbox to go help a dear friend prepare for an upcoming surgery.
Another really good choice.
I swatted that anxiety and all those frenzied fish right out of the way for my catch of the day.
After I helped clean out her craft closet, I went to work on her bed. I flipped her mattress, shook her sheets in the air to fall on the bed just so. I tucked the fitted sheet underneath the corners, then followed with the loose sheet on top, gently pressing through the wrinkles with the swipe of my hand, lining her bed with perfect symmetry. I added the top comforter, the pillowcases and then fluffed the pillows and centered them on top- as though I was creating a work of art.
“Yes. THIS. Oh so much, THIS.”
I’m not sure there is anything sweeter to taste in life, than helping someone you love…
My own house chores could wait. The emails, the paperwork, the errands, the text messages- all of it- swarms of fish have been swatted aside so I could set my eyes and my efforts on the big whale of a loving friendship and a need I could fill.
That’s the weird thing about this ever elusive balancing act. When we get it right? When we make the right choice?
Oh, the joy! The fulfillment.
That peace in knowing you are holding that thing which is most important right in the grip of your hands, settling it into the folds of your heart…
It’s really something, isn’t it?
Oh, how I want to make the right choice every time.
I know some things will come up and grab the first seat in the priority list as they warrant our attention. I realize there are priorities we cannot control that immediately render first place.
But, oh, there are so many other times I DO have a choice.
It’s up to me to make the right one.
What are your priorities? Do you have feisty fish keeping you from them too?
Let’s all keep swatting at those swarms of fish and take hold of the things that matter most.
So with all that said-
Please excuse me now…
I see a whopper of a whale with my husband’s name on it.
Aw, Chris trust me you aren’t alone and some days I am pulled in many directions at once finding myself having trouble making the right choice with my priorities. So I do appreciate the reminder here as I do need all the help I can get with this. Thanks and here is to us both making better decisions now.
Oh yes Janine! Here is to us both working on catching those big fish, my friend!
Oh Christine! Don’t you hate being pulled in hundred different directions? And for me, it’s my Husband who usually gets the shaft. I don’t’ mean to, but I always feel as though he should understand, because when he’s busy for work – well look out, you know? But moms, and wives – we’re supposed to be super human and super kind, right? Rich is gone this weekend and I decided that after read a few emails – that’s it. I’m all about the kids this weekend.
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I hope you thoroughly enjoyed your time with the kids Allie!! And yes, hubs gets the shaft more often than anyone. It happens here too.
As always, a great reminder. I know I get caught up with stuff that has to be done, deadlines, and the same thing happens here. It never hurts to hear this message.
Yeah.. I get it Michelle. Oh, do I get it. Reminders are good. I need them often. 🙂
Life’s little distractions do a magnificent job of blinding us to the really big things, don’t they? At least you realized it and can take steps to prevent it from happening again. Hopefully…
Will see… I miss the big catch more often than not Scott! Will keep trying and swatting those fish. 🙂 Thanks for coming by, my friend!
Oh, girl! I am so there with you lately. All. The. Things. that constantly pull me in so many different directions. Just the other day, I was busy in the kitchen. My 8 year old walked through and wanted to give me a kiss. I stuck out my cheek, but inside I was annoyed, thinking “Why does she ALWAYS have to have a kiss every time she walks by ?” As soon as I thought it, I wanted someone to slap me. How could I be annoyed by my sweet girl wanting nothing more than a kiss?? Fish. Swarms and schools of fish. Thanks for this reminder. XOXO
OKay- I’m-a-gonna-slap you in the FACE if you don’t find anyone else to! LOL That is about the sweetest thing I have ever heard!! Don’t you EVER miss a kiss!!
Not sure about the rest of the swarms of fish, but that one? That’s a hellofa WHALE.
PS: I have pushed Cade off my lap a total of 4 times in the last hour I have been trying to reply to these comments. *SLAP ME*
Ah, the push and pull of life. Yep, we all have it.
A similar scene unfolded at my own home one night. Tasks had to be done – there was no avoiding it. And nothing is worse than when your mate feels like just another “thing” demanding your attention. But I am a Taurus and no one slinks away from me to go sulk in the basement!! No way – I’m a-coming after ya. haha
And the thing we both learned that night: we BOTH had a choice. I couldn’t ignore the tasks – they were pressing in this situation, but I could have created space for him too. And he, noticing the immediate needs pressing down on me, could have offered to help. Work side by side. Sharing the burden so that they could be completed quicker, and thus creating a chance to rest in one another once done. I remember some of the best conversations are had while folding laundry together, or preparing dinner. When we share in the tasks that our families depend on us for, we melt closer to one another knowing that we are still a team.
Oh Leslie- you rock! ‘… no one slinks away from me to go sulk in the basement!!! No Way- I’m a coming after ya.” Ahem. I’ve done that before and it hasn’t worked out well. I’ve learned to let the air breathe between us and dissipate the tension. Believe me. I know. 🙂
I love how you share the burden together and catch up while doing just that. Perfect.
Great reminder… I am so bad about being busy and “distracted”…. I sometimes have to catch myself (like you did) and realize what is truly important and what isn’t! Thanks for this!
I think we all catch ourselves, Clare. It’s SO easy to keep busy and distracted and miss out on the most important moments. We can all be challenged to be more intentional with our time! It’s encouraging to know others are working on the same issue!
This is so so beautiful and such an amazing reminder, Chris! And oh OH that LOOK. The “I get it. You’re busy.” one. Sigh. I love that you left the bags on the floor and filled up your soul and your home with music and glowing. XO Love.
Thanks love. I’m so glad you get it! That looks breaks my heart, and I swear my guy is SO patient with me… But he really deserves better. SO much better. Guess what tonight is? Piano lesson night! SQUEE!!
I’m feeling so submerged these days. This was a deep, fresh breath for me, my friend. I can so relate. My pie chart would not be pretty! Thank you for your always much needed encouragement and reminders, Chris. There is nothing more important than time with our people. I feel like I’ve chosen busy work over them far too often these days. I’m unplugging for a week to help rectify that. I absolutely love the thought of those grocery bags on your floor while you sat at the piano with your adorable son. Let’s keep increasing our number of right choices :)! I’m in!
I’m so proud of you for unplugging Candace. Bless your heart. You are so wise to do that. Wanna know a secret? Shh… I am going to take ALL of December off. Yup. God has been calling and calling and calling… me to STOP, listen, linger, and restore,replenish, and rest.
I’m finally gonna do it. It’s scary to let go. But I trust Him.
I pray you finish your week feeling both fulfilled and inspired to continue on in His Plan. I know God has an incredible journey waiting for you- Your story will surely bring hearts to HIM!
What can I say? Only how very grateful I am that I was one of your big fish this week! Thank you so much for your love and dear friendship!
You KNOW how much joy it gives me, don’t you? I seriously was upstairs making your bed and oozing joy and smiling and truly thinking those thoughts! I love you. I’ll see YOU, tomorrow! 🙂
It can be hard when we are being pulled in so many different directions. Great reminder to focus on Love & what’s important! xo
Thanks Sarah. I think everyone struggles with the stretch at some point in their life. Mothers and women especially feel the strain- at least that’s what I believe!
I’m so guilty of putting my husband and kids on the back burner. My husband is so gracious and patient about it, but the message I get from the expression on my kids’ faces is loud, clear, and heartbreaking. I’m torn between so much that needs to get done! Yet, I’m still their world as they are mine, and wow, are they ever zooming into what I prioritize. I want to make the right choices, too, so I’m not left with regrets as I look back at them in a rearview mirror after I drop them off at a college campus one day.
Julie- from your heart to mine, girl. You said it perfectly. <3
Hi Chris! I am always surprised by days when I’m sick. There I am, letting everything go, and the earth keeps spinning. Nothing is lost. I wish I could remember that more, as I spin around each day trying to get everything done…and somehow forgetting my priorities.
I guess I think my family will ‘always be there’ which of course, isn’t true at all. I love the way you came around to understand that your little guy was depending on you. And you came through! That’s when you see that the earth still spins, nothing is lost. But so much is gained…
Blessings,
Ceil
Oh yes, it’s amazing how much we think NEEDS to get done and the reality on what we could easily let go. I gained a lot that night with Cade. I hope I continue to choose wisely, Ceil. 🙂
I was driving today with the kids, after devoting two hours of a day I didn’t even have, to take them to Build a Bear Workshop! I’m nuts, right?
And it was amazing. And then my anxious mind was thinking of them growing up and leaving. Sob. And then I thought of Cassidy – changing and growing, sure, but not in the same way. And I thought, “I’m so glad I love him as much as I love them! Whew!”
Anyway, I need to show him that more. He bids for my time too. And I can be dismissive, which sucks.
I love your precious thoughts in the car, Tamara. I often have the SAME ones!! <3
I am a bit like you Chris. I do miss chances. I do make the wrong choices from time to time. But what’s important is being able to spot it and to make another choice next time.
On weekends for exemple I do like to get everything organised before sitting down and enjoying my little one. It nevers works. Cause I always have “one more thing to do”. So in the past couple of weeks, I tried to spend the time with my little boy when he needed me. The rest can wait really. Cleaning and laundry and emails are note begging for my attention. And this time shared together is a MUST!
Thank you Chris for pointed us towards what’s important in our lives. We tend to be so busy that we do forget it.
Love from Paris.
You and are are challenged by the same thing, Marie! I love how you are choosing your priorities too, and together we can be intentional about where our time is BEST spent! 🙂
So many hats to wear, so little time. Take it easy! 🙂
Thanks Lux. 🙂
THIS. Yes! Of course, we would never get anything done or grow if we didn’t have a little bit of time to ourselves. It’s a dance, isn’t it? And I will never regret picking my family over “stuff”.
It’s a total dance, Katy. Family is never a bad choice, is it!
You are definitely not alone in this! I prioritize “me time” over “them time” every single day. It’s a retaliation against the years when I felt sucked dry as a new wife and mom, and I self-protect to the detriment of all my relationships. Swatting at the schools of fish to get to the big whale is an image that resonated with me. You’ve really given me something to think about.
Life will keep you busy but sometimes you have to slow down and enjoy the journey. Focus on what’s important.
I know, love. I know… <3
I’m constantly picking priorities. It’s really all I can do sometimes. Things have to fall through the cracks in order to keep the order we need and to give those who need our attention most the time they deserve. My blog reading has fallen through the cracks, but I always love reading your words Chris.
You are SO good at prioritizing and managing such a HUGE plate, my friend. Really- you’re such an inspiration, Jen. 🙂
I know how busy you are, and I’m so grateful you took the time to come by to read this sweetie. I miss you and hope we can have a phone date and catch up soon!!!