*I am joining in the #1000Speak campaign, with our movement focused on “Building from Bullying”. I thought this was the perfect topic and resource to provide in this mission, as hundreds of bloggers unite once again to make a difference.*
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Times have changed. The world has stretched far beyond our back yards and playgrounds where a bully might linger with harsh words and cruel attacks. Now there are countless examples of how people have been impacted by such haters, Online. It scares me.
I can protect myself as best I can, and do my part to defend the victims that fall prey in their innocence as I spend much of my time online. I can be aware of how each and every time I share or post a part of me, my words, my pictures- there is a risk I take in offering myself up to the miserable people that lurk ready and waiting to take me down, cut me apart, taunt me or haunt me with their pain spewed into vicious venom. It can happen. It does. To me, and to precious friends of mine too many times.
It’s a harsh world out there… and the truth of the matter is this: Our world has become connected with as much as a click from one side of this planet to the next. The reach is limitless, and therefore the pool of people is not our safe zone of friends and family- rather it’s a deep sea of strangers and stalkers and bullies who use the online world as their vengeance.
I must also share the power of the virtual world for good. I have seen and experienced compassion and connections that take my breath away. I truly thank God for this new expansion of my own world to touch the souls of many. I have been witness to countless lives being impacted in such a way that their paths have turned and their hearts have been transformed because of an online experience. I would like to believe that more good comes of this new world-wide community than bad. I can testify to the beauty in building relationships and spreading valuable messages across the land, as I have seen hope rise and wounds heal.
It’s amazing, really.
But what happens when our tweens and teens become submerged online? With their impulsive choices and innocent intentions- they dive into the pool naïve of what swims in those elusive waters. They truly don’t understand the weight of their consequences in much of their life, as they are developmentally limited in their processing until well after their teen years. We see the plight of this age group plunge into the virtual world, without any education or training or preparation in how to navigate it responsibly. It’s a downright free-for-all. Our kids use social media, with no guidelines or policies put in place. It’s a world of no rules and no regulations.
This terrifies me.
As a parent, I must face the inevitable that my kids will be diving into this same dangerous online world some day, and how will I equip them in doing so? As much as I want to shut down every accessible door they can use, the reality is that this is how our world now operates. Technology is speeding forward fast and it will only keep the momentum. This IS our world.
Leave it to one of my favorite writers to create a book about this very thing. Galit Breen is someone who is passionate about this subject for many reasons, as her writing career lands her in the throes of the virtual world every day. Through her experience, she has been the victim of attacks on a particular article she wrote and this sparked her beautiful purpose to write a book about preparing our kids for the online world. She’s just the kind of soul to take those lemons and make lemonade. She realized the need for a resource like this, as she was teaching her daughter about the impact of her own online presence. It’s up to the parents to teach our kids how to behave online and in doing so, we can protect and nurture a powerful presence for their engagement and benefit in connecting through social media.
Galit believes that we need to teach our kids the same manners of kindness in the online world, just as we guide them through the same values in the real world. Brilliant, yes?
Here’s a snippet of my dear friend’s perspective about her book and her inspiration:
1. Why did you write this book?
I had a post go viral this fall about comments I received about my weight on an article I wrote about marriage. Not too long after that, my daughter and her friends began using social media platforms like Instagram. When I looked through some of the kids’ profiles, I realized there’s a lot of kindness terrain to cover. After my experience with unkind comments and fat shaming, I knew I wanted to do something about cyberbyulling. This book is my “something.” This is a guide for parents, teachers, youth groups, etc. to use for teaching our kids how to be kind online. I think this can and should be taught. I used my work in social media to inform what needs to be taught and I used my background in teaching (I have an MA in education and I was a classroom and reading teacher for 10 years) to guide the how-to portion of the book.
4. Who is this book for? Can kids read it?
Kids can definitely read it; you have my own tweens’ seal of approval for that. I wrote this book for parents in the trenches of raising tweens and teens, older kids who are teetering on knowing more than we do about maneuvering online. Parenting is hard. When our kids were little, we figured out that sharing our experiences, challenges, goals, and wins with each other was a huge relief and help. Now that our kids are a little bit older, we need just as much help but our support system is dwindling because parenting them feels more private, more their story to tell then ours. But there’s so much to be said about joining forces with our parenting peers and helping each other out. So this book is meant to be read and discussed by parents, friends, teachers, coaches, youth group and club leaders. It’s also meant to be read by–and discussed with–kids. Parents and kids, mother daughter book clubs, scouts, teams, classrooms. Reading this book is a step toward online kindness winning. But the conversations your reading will springboard are the leaps. Kids can, and should, read it.
2. What’s the book’s format?
The book can be read in one gulp or in sections. Each chapter in Kindness Wins covers one habit to directly teach kids about how to be kind online. Each section is written in a simple, parent-to-parent over coffee style and concludes with one resource for further reading, two discussion starters (one to have with peers and one to have with kids), and three bulleted takeaways. At the end of the book there are two Kindness Wins contracts–one for peers and one for kids.
Every parent of tweens and teens needs to get this book and read it with their child. I truly can’t think of a better way to shift the trajectory of the online world for our youth. I’m so glad Galit wrote this in time for me to prepare and educate my own kids about the online world before they are exposed and saturated by the virtual abyss. This will surely be a must read for both of my kids and me. BRAVO to my dear friend, for gifting us with her heart, her experience, and her powerful mission to change the terrain of the technology- with kindness.
Kindness Wins covers ten habits to directly teach kids as they’re learning how to be kind online. Each section is written in Breen’s trademark parent-to-parent-over-coffee style and concludes with resources for further reading, discussion starters, and bulleted takeaways. She concludes the book with two contracts―one to share with peers and one to share with kids. Just like we needed to teach our children how to walk, swim, and throw a ball, we need to teach them how to maneuver kindly online. This book will help you do just that.
Galit Breen was a classroom and reading teacher for ten years. She has a master’s degree in education and a bachelor’s degree in human development. In 2009, she launched a career as a freelance writer entrenched in social media. Since then, her work has been featured in various online magazines including Brain, Child, The Huffington Post, TIME, and xoJane. Breen lives in Minnesota with her husband, three children, and a ridiculously spoiled miniature golden doodle. You can learn more about Galit by visiting TheseLittleWaves.com.
Even though my girls are on the younger side, I most definitely want to check this book out. So thank, Chris for sharing 😉
Chris, Galit, thank you very much for this. The only world is a source of great joy but tend to be a dangerous place at times. And we need to know how to deal with many things in order to guide our kids on the right track. My boy is way too young but I have friends with kids already starting to wander on social medias and interacting with others on Internet. I’ll definitely think the book is an awesome idea and I’ll be ready to get it in April! Thumbs Up Ladies!.
Ohmyheart, Chris. Thank you a million times over for this! You’re so kind, so generous, and your heart is so open. That’s what it’s all about, right? Coming at things with openness and kindness instead of fear. Thank you for being this voice–and including me in such a thoughtful and important post! xo
Oh Galit, I am truly honored to share your book and your mission with my readers!! It is SO. IMPORTANT. I couldn’t think of a better writer to create such a significant resource for our on line ‘health’ than you. <3 Thank YOU, for writing this. It is my hope that your book can truly have an impact on this virtual world we live in.
Oh Janine, you just made my day! Thank you–so much–for being so open to the conversation!
Marie–I’m 100% with you! There’s a ridiculous amount of goodness out there! Like Chris I’ve found so much goodness online. We don’t need to keep our kids away from it all, we just need to teach them how to maneuver it and use it kindly! So important! Loved reading your words so much, thank you for them!
I’ll be adding this to my shelf, definitely. So glad to have found Galit and her wonderful blog!
I look forward to reading this book:)! The on-line world scares me. And I too am terrified for my children. As it is now (my kids’ ages range from 14-7), I won’t let any of them have a social media account. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to have this mandate, though.
It is scary what things our children have to face, my own still being a toddler there are many things I will still have to teach her.
This is such a scary topic! My kids are grown ups now and I didn’t have all the outside forces interrupting their lives as there are now. I just don’t know how parents manage it these days!
It really is scary when you think about what the internet is inviting into your home and what your children are seeing on a daily basis. I have four kids—the oldest wasn’t around a computer much because they were still fairly new and we couldn’t afford one at the time. Fast forward three more kids—-my youngest, who is 19, is very different from his older siblings—let’s just say he has more “edge” and less sensitivity to his personality, and I sometimes wonder if it’s because he grew up surrounded by the latest technology. His teachers taught him to use a commuter when he was just a toddler at daycare. Scary stuff indeed.
Kristi–Oh you, like Chris, are a total and complete gem! Thank you for being my friend! (And for making my day!) xo
I agree that the internet is so frightening when it comes to our kids. Sigh. I’m not ready! And I am so so getting Galit’s book – LOVE the message and the idea and her in general. And you. Sending hugs and admiration.
Lisa, I’m so, so happy to have connected with you! And you made my day with the “adding to your shelf” comment! Thank you for that, so much!
Allie–I love your comment so much for its honesty and transparency! It *is* scary! But I’d so much rather be the ones to get to teach them how to use it “right”–kindly, you know? Like a privilege!
Serins–I feel the exact same way! So much to learn, for them and for us! 🙂 So nice to “meet” you here at Chris’s!
Hi Rena–I absolutely love your input as someone whose been there! It *is* different today! We might as well step into that and learn what we need to know to help and support our kids, right?
Marcia–I’m so with you! Technology has–and creates!–its rough edges! But there’s so much goodness to it, too! We just have to learn how to use it, and how to teach our kids to use, kindly! Love your input here so much, thank you for it!
I have two teenagers who are navigating the world of social media, and it’s been a conversation we’ve been having for years. Sounds like this book would be a wonderful addition to the parenting arsenal!
Yes, I am betting that Galit nailed it with this one! You need to write some posts about your experience, Dana! I’d be all over it… I need your advice!
Oh – this sounds like such a great book. The internet is great except when it’s abused!! Now there are so many sources that it is hard to keep up with them all and protect our kids.
There are SO many new outlets and I can’t keep up with any of them… and I hate that it’s moving so fast that either can laws and clear regulations too. Sigh…
I’m honestly terrified for Frances to enter the online world. She’s had a rough go of the real world this year and I worry that the anonymity of Instagram and the like will be too much for her. Thankfully, she hasn’t even asked, so we don’t have to cross this bridge just yet.
Yeah- the online world is so scary, and I too worry about my Cass much like your Frances! Thankfully, Cass has no interest in social media… yet.
This looks like a great and important book! My daughter used to call me a creeper mom because I was obsessed with watching over her social media accounts. Now that she is an adult, she really appreciates those hours I put into keeping her safe and somewhat smart online.
My son will be entering the social media world in the next year or two. I definitely need to check out this book before then!
I love that you were a ‘creeper mom’ Candace!! I plan on being the same… 🙂
I love that she transformed a bullying experience into a beautiful book. And that kids can read!
My kids are so young, but there are so many life experiences ahead for them that worry me. This one is HUGE.
Yes- Galit is amazing!!! And this book is SO needed!
Couldn’t agree more! Galit is amazing! What a beautiful book!
Thank you for sharing this book! Online bullying scares me too, especially since it’s hard to detect.
I’m so excited to delve into this book myself! I know it’s right around the corner that I have to start thinking about these issues. 🙂
Great interview Chris and Galit! I love the book.
Thanks Yvonne!! I read yours too, but couldn’t comment at the time! I need to get back there and do that… 🙂