I set out to search for the Sacred Season… I had intentional plans and beautiful dreams of how I would find the Prince of Peace in a world that seems to long for it. I needed to discover once again, God’s presence and I knew I wouldn’t find it in the midst of the going, the doing, the constant moving – so I set out for silence, stillness, and solitude.
Uh… yeah.
That did NOT go as I planned.
Now that a week has passed and I find myself more frazzled than before, I am most certain that there are opposing forces using every possible opportunity to Take. Me. Down.
Damn devil.
It’s been quite the week.
I’m not having the easiest time finding God these days… It’s mainly all first world problems, like my computer crashing and consequently losing every document I ever wrote. Or my cable dvr breaking, and the long wait on hold with customer service to get a new one installed. There’s the enormous crowds at the stores, the hyper kids wrestling on the couch for hours and the stacks of gifts I am currently looking at scattered on my floor, ready to be wrapped. It’s this new computer that I waited for, only to have trouble using and uploading any remaining documents we retrieved and don’t get me started on the ‘to do list’ that seems to grow longer every day. Silly stuff really. But this stuff has strangled the peace right out of me and sucked up all my time that I was to spend with the Prince of it.
So really, what I’m trying to say is this;
How about we turn this search around…
Dear Lord,
Would you find me?
Would you find me in THIS place?
Because I can’t find you.
Find me while I’m standing in the long lines at all the different stores I must go into, despite planning ahead and finishing my Christmas shopping. There seems to ALWAYS be one more thing to buy, over and over again- every day. I am amazed at the crowds and the unshakable madness that fills the stores causing a panic of stress induced stifling suffocation. I’m often stuck here- tapping my fingers against my purse, breathing in hard and exhaling harder, shaking my head at the insanity of it all.
Oh, Prince of Peace find me in this place.
Find me while I stare at my blank computer screen, unable to log in once again or find the password or the document or even the damn user name to unlock this incredible high tech world I live in that is attached to my soul. I set out to take a blog break, and ended up spending more time in front of the screen than before- trying to save any remnants of all my work, relentlessly attempting to restore what was… I wish I could let it go, but Lord you KNOW I can’t. So I’m often stuck here- tapping my fingers on the keys, and breathing in hard and exhaling harder, shaking my head (and my fists) at the insanity of it all.
Oh, Prince of Peace find me in this place.
Find me in this beautiful and blessed home when I set apart time to be still, be silent, be in solitude and this plan is thwarted by the people I love most. “Play outside!” I say, and inside they stay. There’s the loud blaring Christmas music and the squeals of my kids wrestling that creates a lovely blast of a dissonant feverish pitch that fills the house. But this is simply the backdrop to the roaring and clanking and thunderous pounding as my precious husband decided to clean out all the air ducts with his newly bought machine. I’m often stuck here- tapping my fingers on the book I long to read, breathing in hard and exhaling harder, shaking my head at the insanity of it all.
Oh, Prince of Peace find me in this place.
You see, it all seems so very easy…
Be Diligent. Be Disciplined. Be Deliberate.
Be still. Be silent. Be in solitude.
But the reality of this world and the lives we lead rarely offers stillness, silence and solitude, no matter how diligent, disciplined, or deliberate we are.
I won’t give up though.
Because if I keep trying and searching with all my heart- no matter what thwarts my plan…
I know God will find me.
He always does.
It just may not be the way I planned.
He’ll find you too…
Amidst the work, the kids, the lines, and all the annoying disruptions in your day.
The Prince of Peace will find us in this place, if we ask Him to.
He’s pretty powerful that way.
OH, and Lord?
When you do, please oh please-
Reach out your Holy Hand and pour that Peace all over us, mkay?
I’m guessing we all could use it right about now.
Totally could use this right about now, too as I have had both my girls sick over the last week and more crazed than ever. So right there with you and echoed my sentiments and feelings here more than you know. So thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling and thinking.
OH Janine, my sweet friend! I DO hope you were able to find Peace and Joy this Christmas, despite the messy madness of it all! God bless you… <3
And if he finds you – will you please send him my way as well? I need him! Really bad. And I am so sorry about your computer? Is the ANY way you can retrieve you documents?
I do hope He DID find you in the mess and madness of it all, my friend!! After HOURS of work- we retrieved many of my docs and pics… some corrupted, others lost for good. I’m letting it all go… I must. A New Year is around the corner… fresh start has new meaning for me now! 🙂
Oh Chris, how I love your truth and vulnerability! As much as I was dreaming for you of blissful, unplugged time, don’t I know the real life that lures us into it’s fold, the crazy life with kids, the rush and hustle that wraps around us like a lasso! My gosh, Jesus, find us in our messy life! I, too, had my share this week..my expectations for my teenage son getting involved in the Christmas tree buying and decorating tradition busted with a bad attitude ..I knew in my gut to do it ourselves..but tradition seemed bigger than teen hormones. Jesus, find us in this place! I love this blog! And technology..ugh! Yes it’s sadly a necessary part of our soul..I had to bring mine into the MAC store yesterday! Jesus meet us here! Love it love it love it…
I love you. I’m just SO blessed by our new-found friendship!! Jesus meet US HERE!!! Thank GOD He always does… <3
Oh, find me too!! Find us all together!
It’s been a week of Scarlet being sick and me not resting and not working. The worst of everything. I know you know how life just stops when your kids get sick.
Cass has had pink eye in both eyes, a cold turned much worse on Christmas day… I get it. Sigh…
I do hope you (and that precious girl of yours) are WELL and full of JOY now… 🙂
Technology…gggrrrr; not to be trusted. Honestly, it’s only good when it works. Our internet has been cutting out on us constantly. I don’t know if more people are just on it (being in a small town that does have an affect) but so frustrating when I have these pieces written…and I cannot get to them to post! Ugh.
Small stuff in the grand scheme I know, but frustrating still.
Other than that, I am hoping my busy time has come to an end. There was A LOT the past couple of weeks, and it all worked out for good. In fact, Great!! So wonderful moments – God moments unexpected and uplifting. So I’m gonna coast on those and try not to let any of the surprises we know – oh how we moms know!! – that pop up steal my Peace.
OH Leslie, I am SO happy that you have been experiencing such beautiful and BLESSED moments!! I love your intentions… and I hope and pray there were no major ‘surprises’ for you! My girl ended up being sick… still is. Sigh… We are still holding on to that peace. 🙂
Oh man, did I need to hear this! Thank you for sharing your heart!
I do hope that the Prince of Peace found you, my friend! And that you had a beautiful and blessed Christmas!
I hope your writing calms you the way it calms me, Chris. I’m feeling okay peace-wise right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Writing does that, doesn’t it? Oh, thank GOD for our words to release our emotions! I’m so so glad you are in a good place Dana. And yes… tomorrow is unknown. Embrace it now! HUGS!
The same kind of prayer I have been uttering lately.
In Him alone do we find peace.
May you find solace in Him always. 🙂
Oh what a beautiful comment, my dear Lux!! Thank you for your perfectly placed words. I soaked them in…
What a profound and humbling prayer this post is. I don’t ever think about God looking for me specifically. I always think of it as me trying to find Him and failing over and over. Just the thought of Him looking for me gives me some peace. I’m frazzled, too, Christine. I’ve been distant from social media, just needing a cleansing from it, but I saw your email in my Inbox and knew I’d find encouragement here:) Merry Christmas!
OH Julie… I have been in a ‘cleanse’ myself the past few weeks- trying to ‘settle’ myself. I *think* I’ve finally done that, despite my girl being so sick… 🙁
I think my greatest source of peace comes from knowing God fights HARD to find us… we don’t need to do all the work. All we need is a heart that longs for Him, despite our failings. That THAT is my comfort. I pray it is yours too, my beautiful friend.