I thought this message might be fitting for many of us who celebrate the Holidays with family members, some who may not be our ‘first choice’ on the list of favorite people. (Didn’t I say that nicely?)
As you go about your plans to enjoy and embrace all the festivities with those you love, there may be a few or ten beloved family members you’d rather, ahem, not be around at all. Perhaps you dream of setting a table outside in the back for some chosen people so that you could actually enjoy your time despite them being there?
Ah, yes.
I have a little thing I do with my kids that might help.
Cassidy was 11 and Cade was 8 when I started this intervention. These were the ages they started to fight like crazy and to this day still continue to banter and battle often. And as many siblings do, they also laugh uncontrollably together and I catch them having fun once in a while. So despite their incessant need to claim who’s right- they love each other more than they know.
Literally, much more than they know. 🙂
Cassidy isn’t into hugging or showing any affection to her brother at this point. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for Cade. He’s a lover by nature, always needing an embrace and will do just about anything to get it. (Obviously, physical touch is his love language) Cade feels neglected by his older sister often, and his sister thinks he is needy and annoying. It’s been an ongoing struggle to help these two get along, understand one another, and lean toward each other, instead of picking at every little raw nerve that’s exposed.
Do you have siblings? Yeah, then you probably get this.
So years ago, one day, I had had enough. Cade just wanted a hug from Cassidy and was elevating his whining pitch to meet the yelling revolt of his sister.
I said “ENOUGH!! Cassidy, you will hold your brother for a full MINUTE right NOW!”
That was years ago, and Cade ate it UP- despite Cassidy’s resistance and disgust at this idea. I still make them do it, but not as much as I should.
Ah…
Here’s a snapshot of them years ago doing this very thing.
Oh, the joy!
Aren’t they adorable?
I mean, just look at her face!
Oh, the love.
I can’t even.
So here’s the message for you during this holiday season, because sometimes- It takes someone else to push people together when they have lost the ability to recognize their love.
For those who are gearing up to withstand one or two or ten people in your life who are not your favorite people. For those of you who are polishing your armor, planning to preserve and protect those vulnerable places that might get pinched. For those of you who are dreading the damage that may be done, when surrounded by loved ones who aren’t so, um, loving.
Sometimes…
You have to step boldly forward and love the one you’re with. Force yourself to hold them, even when you clearly have no desire. Embrace them, even when they chomp on every last nerve buzzing through your seething bits.
This is my challenge to you:
This Holiday…
That family member you would prefer never came? That one individual who triggers twitches and needless woes?
Hold them.
Be ‘that person’, who gives more than you thought you could ever give. Be the one who loves more than you thought you could love. Be the one who embraces grace and pours it plenty. Be the one who rises higher than those who dive low. Be the one who shines a light that is impenetrable and strong enough to warm the coldest of hearts.
Be that person.
Love them anyway.
Love them despite.
Love them because…
He first loved you.
“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 NIV
And no matter the outcome, you will have peace in knowing you leaned in and loved…
Despite and because.
***
*If you feel threatened by a family member in any way or if you are at risk of any emotional, physical, or sexual abuse by anyone in your company- DISREGARD THIS AND REACH OUT FOR HELP. Don’t ever believe that God would want you to accept any kind of abuse in the name of love. THIS IS NOT LOVE. If you read this and you don’t know where to go or who to talk to, please email me at Chris@TheMomCafe.com and I can help.*
Aw, Chris, your last sentence really is a beaut. What a kind and generous and thoughtful person you are. Truly. And thank you for that photo of your two hugging. Man alive, your daughter’s expression says it all. It is real and such a refreshing change from the plethora of “happy, perfect, kidlet” photos that flood into my inbox.
Wishing you and yours a very splendid Thanksgiving. I shall be drooling with envy from Canada.
Oh Kelly, you always say the most encouraging things. Thank you, my friend. Your supportive comments mean the world to me!
And yeah, isn’t that picture hilarious? Not the high reel for SURE. Keepin’ it real over here! LOL 🙂
What a priceless picture of Cade and Cassidy! Love them anyway…so important to remember especially when I can overly sensitive (or, in other words, self protective). Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Me too Lynn! Oh me too. I can be super sensitive, and protective/defensive… I always pray to have a compassionate heart- it really helps shift my perspective into a more gracious place.
This is really brilliant and I appreciate because I know what it is to be unloveable. I also appreciate your disclaimer at the end because people are still people and some of them are truly shitty.
You said this whole thing beautifully ❤️❤️
I hate that you know what it is to be unloveable. I can’t imagine how that felt, and I can’t even comprehend YOU being unlovable, dearest Lizzi. And yes, there are some ugly people out there. Sigh…
Oh, that look on Cassidy’s face is priceless! Your post reminds me of our office policy at my last job when we had to interact with some of the more challenging folks — kill ’em with kindness!
Isn’t that picture hilarious? And yes- kill them with kindness! Sometimes you just have to- and it actually is a great way to rise above and feel at peace about how you handled things. (Your baby is GORGEOUS! CONGRATULATIONS MAMA!!)
Love love love this! What a powerful reminder to be the face of love we’d rather not be around. And I’m so gonna borrow that hug your brother trick because everything you described about Cass and Cade is so true of my kids.
Happy thanksgiving! You’re a gift in my life and I so appreciate you!
And I appreciate YOU, my beautiful friend!! Borrow away!! 🙂
I just pulled this up again to show the pic to my Girlie and said, “look what you’re gonna be doing.” Sorry, Chris, but you’re currently low (like super, super low) on her list. But don’t fear, you’re high on mine and probably about to get bumped up on my Bubba’s, too. 🙂
LOLOL!!! I love it! Let me know how it’s going, when you can! Your girl and my girl should talk. And our boys would get along brilliantly! 🙂
I love this. My kids are three years apart too, and older girl, and boy do they fight. I dream of putting them in the “getalong shirt” and making them huddle together in the same shirt! ha!
Ah that would be hilarious and SUCH a great thing to do! You got me thinking… 😉
Loving that picture, Chris! It speaks volumes. Next time you should make them dance together! LOLOL
Ah, wonderful idea! I’m sure they will thank you for it! Ha!
This is a wonderful message, Chris. I love it so much and the picture of your adorable kids, really captures the whole theme! They are soooo cute! I often remind my kids to be caring toward one another. I don’t allow them to bitch about the other in my presence. Sometimes there are little teases, and that’s okay but I don’t tolerate bad mouthing between them especially in the absence of the other. I try to remind them of the good qualities their sibling has. SIGH. It isn’t always easy and sibling rivalry can really create problems if it isn’t dealt with. Sorry—too long comment. Your caveat at the end of the post is also spot on!
I love what you won’t tolerate Lisa! One time my daughter said some not so nice things that crossed the line, and oh boy we set the line straight real fast… she ended up crying and feeling horrible, so I hope she remembers that feeling the next time she feels the desire to go low. I’m sure this will get harder as they get older- but I really hope they can be close. I think they are good people deep down and really do care and love each other… I’ll remind them this often, I’m sure!
Hi Chris! That photo is PRICELESS. You should definitely save it for the wedding video! Teehee!
What a great message for holidays, and for everyday. Who knows who needs that hug that we can give without much cost to us? It could mean the world, and truly change a day for a person who needs a ray of light.
I can totally relate to the sibling thing. My two would go at it hammer and tong and drive me nuts. Only now do I realize that those were the seeds of love struggling to find the light.
Blessings,
Ceil
Seeds of love struggling to find the light… what a poetic way to reflect the annoying and incessant whining and snapping at one another! LOL I will use that next time they bark at each other. 🙂
I LOVE THAT PICTURE!!! It so reminds me of my kids, Chris. My son is incredibly cuddly and touchy feely. My daughter, not so much. A full minute hug would honestly send her over the edge. I love your beautiful call to action, my friend. There are a few people that come to mind for me that I will see over the holiday and I’ll take your challenge ;). Thanks for always inspiring!
Isn’t that picture hilarous? Oh my gosh seriously so true to life right there. 🙂
I’m glad this challenge inspired you, my friend. And you are not the only who said your boy was cuddly and your girl was-not. I think this seems to be the norm! I find it interesting- boys being loving and girls all “DON’T TOUCH ME!” Ha!
Wonderful message! Thank you so much for sharing. I needed to read this today.
I’m so glad you were able to come by and read it Kimberly! It always makes me happy when my words find the right reader at the right time. <3
**Be that person.
Love them anyway.
Love them despite.
Love them because…
He first loved you.**
I want to be that “LIGHT.”
FABULOUS photo of your babies! xxxxxxx
Thank you, love! You ARE that LIGHT. XOXO
So difficult to do sometimes. But thank you for the reminder.
I know. I have to tap into my deepest divine reserves sometimes. LOL But it always is worth it. I feel SO much better when I act gracious, than when I don’t.
Wow – I needed this! Love this post – thank you.
I’m SO glad you found this post and it helped in some way, Cheryl!
I woke up this morning feeling a little blue, so I decided to come here to The Mom Cafe for some spirited community and so glad I did. I’m clearly behind on reading here. Your posts are such gems and I hate to miss any. This one! That expression on Cassidy–I’m dying laughing! Cade–what a lover–a filler upper! You’re all filler-uppers! Yes, some difficult family interactions in our big gatherings, always some tension between a few of the teenage nieces especially. And some really stressed out adults. But when it comes right down to it, we’d each lay down our lives for one another, and to be able to say that about the people I celebrate Christmas with is truly a blessing.
As always, so peaceful and wonderful to be here.