The gun is pinned to your forehead. His eyes, glazed over as he stares straight through your soul. The sweat is beading on his forehead and his voice growls with a distinct edge that seethes evil. You’re trembling. Terrified. Your friend lies beside you in a pool of blood. Head blown open with scattered brain and flesh sprayed on your clothes.
He pushes the barrel harder against your head as his hissing words confront your worst nightmares…
“Are YOU a Christian?” He scowls.
Silence.
He peers around the room with a sudden paranoid jerk, as a whimper from the corner radiates the deafening silence of the scene. Facing you once again, shoving the barrel of the gun so hard in your head that you fall back and catch yourself with your trembling leg.
“ANSWER ME NOW!”
He grabs your hair and pulls you up to his face and you shriek as your throat clenches and tightens so you can’t breathe. You are gasping for air, but can’t take it in. You start choking on your own fear, knowing this is it. It’s here. Evil has found you.
He throws a punch to your right cheek and the blow knocks you down to the ground, falling hard- but you don’t feel anything. You are numb with terror as your body jerks upright in defensive mode with your hands covering your face. He grabs your hair again and snaps your head back so he can look into your tearing eyes, but they are closed. He yells at you to “Open your f$#@!*# EYES!!” He is visibly shaking and losing his control. You open your eyes, now into the barrel of his trembling gun as he cocks the revolver and you gasp. The whimpers and choking breaths are evident in the room now. This is it. The moment you feared most.
“Are. You. A. Christ. Follower? ARE YOU??!!”
************************************************
What would you do?
Oh dear God in Heaven, can you imagine?
I have imagined this type of scene in my mind and many more similar to this, since I saw the news of the shooting in Oregon. I flash through all the horrific things going on around the world- The be-headings overseas, the brutal slaying of innocent lives in so many places I lost track, and right here in our country. My mind swirls back and forth trying to wrap my mind around the madness of our world.
And I wonder.
If it were me…
What would I say?
Would I pull a Peter and deny my Lord for the sake of my life?
Would I choose life for my children?
Oh my beloved children! That has been my first thought every time I play this scene out.
“My children! I can’t leave my children!” I scream when I picture it playing out…
What. Would. I. Do?
I honestly don’t know.
Sure, there are many faithful Christians out there who would give their life and their last heartbeat for the honor and glory of Christ. I truly believe that with all my heart.
Maybe I would too. I’d like to believe I would. I’d love to write my passionate testimony of absolute determination and claim my undeniable decision…
But I can’t.
Maybe you can’t either.
You see, if you haven’t had a barrel of a gun in your face, or your hands tied behind your back with a knife to your throat…
I’m not sure any of us can be so confident.
Perhaps you might “Peter” out too.
Fear does things to you.
So does staring at the door of death.
I’m guessing, anyway.
What I find so interesting, is that I know many believers who have trouble sharing their faith in the most ordinary of circumstances. I know others who feel awkward and don’t dare delve into claiming what they believe, for fear of looking ‘weird’ or even worse, a ‘nut-job’, or even worse? “A Bible-Beater”. I know people who have no interest in going out on that limb for the sake of their Savior. They quietly pray and go to church and stay safe in their inner circles. I call them the quiet Christians.
I get that. I really do. I am often silent in a world that screams judgment.
Maybe? Some of those closet Christ lovers may be the brave souls who say “Yes” to the murderer, and those who shout from the mountaintops that Christ is KING would cower in denial.
It could happen.
I think no one truly knows, until they are facing this horrific standoff.
What would you say?
What would I say?
I want to say “YES I AM A CHRISTIAN!”
I want to say this always. In awkward moments. In intimidating circles. In uncomfortable situations. In passing conversations. In hard debates. In blog posts.
With a loaded gun to my head. With a knife to my throat.
I’m guessing we all can declare we want to claim Christ as our Savior, if that in fact is what we deeply believe.
Here’s the thing.
While we wait and wonder and worry- petrified about the thought of evil finding its way to us. And we wait and wonder and worry about how we would respond- if we actually would say out loud “I am a Christian” to a violent, sick, mass murderer who wants to kill us…
We might discover that claiming our faith is much easier through those awkward moments, intimidating circles, uncomfortable situations, passing conversations, hard debates and blog posts compared to the deranged psychotic killer staring us in the eyes.
It kinda puts things in perspective a bit, doesn’t it?
It does for me.
Maybe. Just maybe?
Sharing our faith with someone in any of those less dangerous situations would be the best way to honor the sudden and tragic loss of 9 beautiful believers who answered “YES.”
I am truly not sure what I’d say to be completely honest. Don’t get me wrong as I’d like to think I would put my beliefs and faith first, but not actually being in the heat of the actual moment I am truly again not sure. Thank you for making me dig deep though this morning and most saying so many prayers for those 9 tragic people now more than ever.
I don’t think anyone could honestly predict what they would do, you know? I am still in awe of those faithful people who stood in the name of Christ. In AWE. I pray we can all honor their bold steps while facing evil… may we take much easier steps in sharing our own faith, facing discomfort.
Oh Christine. This is the most touching, heart-wrenching piece I’ve seen on this topic. I have been thinking about this decision, as so many people have, all week. I don’t know either. All I can think of is My kids. My kids. I need to be here for them. God would understand that right? Those families . . . I just can’t wrap my brain around this. This whole post and the challenge in your last sentence “Sharing our faith with someone would be the best way to honor the sudden and tragic loss of 9 beautiful believers” is going to ripple with me for a long, long time.
Oh Julie! Your comment honestly made me weep… because your heart echoes mine! I’m so grateful for you. I’m so overwhelmed at the thought of it all, and completely convicted to take bold steps now more than ever. It continues to ripple through me still.
I’ve thought about this in the past with my own faith, especially in learning about the Holocaust. If someone asked me if I were Jewish and I knew answering in the affirmative would end my life? I’m not entirely sure that I could do it, especially now that I’m a mom, but it’s definitely a tough call. If anything, I would want to preserve my faith and culture and pass it on to my family, something I would not be able to do if I were not alive. But at the same time, would it be putting down something that is important to me and who I am? I don’t know. All I know is that it breaks my hear that religion is used as an excuse for killing, and my heart goes out for the families and friends of the victims of another senseless crime.
I love love love that you were able to apply this message to your own faith, Bev! I seriously thought about adding other religions to this message, because SO many lives have been lost for the sake of SO many other faiths as well. I truly love your response- I feel the same way. And I am devastated for all of the enormous loss through the ages in the name of any faith.
I agree that it’s impossible to prove our words without facing the situation, and I hope we never have to be faced with such a decision. I seem to remember reading once that the question is not so much whether or not we are willing to die for Christ, but are we willing to live for him? It is easy to be quiet, but I think that now is the time to be bold in our commitment, to “fear not the reproach of men” (Isaiah 51:7), to speak up in defense of Christianity. If too many are too quiet, the right to speak up could be lost.
My heart goes out to those who lost loved ones in this tragedy.
Kristi, I love your response to this post! YES. A thousand times YES. Are we willing to live for him? To boldly claim our faith NOW, not ‘if’? “Fear not the reproach of men”… perfect!!
thank you for your courageous post and posing such a difficult question. I know for sure I’m more of a Peter. Just as Jesus knew Peter would deny him, I believe he knows I would too. Am I happy about this? No, just as I’m sure Peter felt awful, like a coward. And yet I know Jesus forgave Peter and l used him in the world to spread his message too..because I believe he saw Peter’s heart and knew Peter loved him. I wish I could say yes, I would say Yes like those more brave people, the martyrs, who stand strong in the face evil, but they are more brave then I am in the sense of speaking the truth out loud. All this make my heart ache. The killings make my heart ache. The access to guns in our country makes my heart ache. The TV shows that promote violence. I hope God will use me even in my weakness with all this. Thank you Christine.
Oh Kathy, how I love your response to this post! SO honest and genuine. I love that so very much! Peter was surely the rock and foundation of the early church, despite denying his holy Father! Isn’t that a comfort and an encouragement? He knows our hearts. That is all we need to cling to, when struggling to stand in faith. I pray we never have to face the evil that prevails in this world. Oh how blessed we are to be safe… for now.
***I want to say “YES I AM A CHRISTIAN!”***
Yes. This is what I’d like to say, what I pray I’d say, scream, yell, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I. AM.))))
OOOOOOOOO, I hope I’m NEVER put to the test, darling. xxx
I love your YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I. AM.!!! And oh dear Lord, do I ever pray I am NEVER put to the test too. God be with us, if we ever are.
I’m sure we all would like to believe we would claim Christ. That we would stand for Him. But who among us have ever faced a loaded gun? I think it is exactly for my kids that I would say YES. because if I said no and lived….. how could I live out my life with them, knowing I denied the very thing I have taught them? I think I’d rather leave the kind of legacy that says some things are worth dying for – and THIS one is the biggest and most important.
I’ve worked in Maximum Security male prison. I’ve faced dangerous men. Violence. Intensely dangerous situations… and I can say with 100% absolute conviction: God was with me. Not once did I not feel His complete presence surrounding me. And that’s all I can offer to assure everyone reading this today: you you will not face this situation alone. If He is calling you home; He will be there every step.
Leslie… THANK YOU for your incredibly inspiring words and message, my friend! We are NOT alone. Ever. You have confirmed a beautiful truth. And you have offered a convicting and assuring message for me to take deep into my heart and use to provide strength for ME. I’m so grateful for your faithful testimony here.
What a soul-wrenching piece Chris. God is using you and the gift of writing He gave to you to make a difference in this world. I am too often a quiet Christian. I move in and out of my safe, Christian circles. Thank you for challenging me.
Oh thank you for coming by to read this and respond, my precious friend! And I’m so grateful for your encouragement!! Truly! You are not alone, as there are so many quiet Christians who stay in their safe places. I pray this challenge helps move you in taking bold steps as God equips you along the way, sweetie.
I’ve had both a gun to my forehead and have had a cap gun fired at me while walking on campus but I didn’t know it was a cap gun and thought someone was really shooting at me. In both those instances I froze. I’m not even sure if I would be able to get words out if I was asked if I were Christian but I pray I would be able to. I wouldn’t want to deny my savior but then as Christians, we don’t need to beat ourselves over the shoulds or coulds and just have peace in knowing that the Lord is always with us.
Oh Jennifer… I just can’t imagine either of your experiences! Yes, to what you said. Truly. The Lord IS always with us, for us, and loves us… oh what a comfort to know and trust that!
Hi Chris! Like you, I’ve thought about what I would have done if it was me under that gun. Maybe like Jennifer, I would freeze and be unable to speak at all. Honestly, I just don’t know. I hope I never have to know.
God knows I want to speak for Him and say ‘yes’ with pride. If it means I’m a martyr, then that’s what it would mean. May He never test me, but if He does, may I have the strength to say ‘YES!’
Blessings,
Ceil
Beautifully said, my friend. I love your honesty and your transparency. It comforts me and inspires me.
You have described with truly explicit feeling about what this kind of dilemma presents for each and every one of us who choose to follow the Way of Christ Consciousness. I think a good question is to ask What Would Jesus Do with our answer. I sincerely believe that Jesus would not fault you at all to make a decision to stick around for your children and continue to be the wonderful Mom that you are and to teach them the wonderful lessons that you have for them. I also believe that Jesus would not fault you at all to remain on this planet and continue to work with him to create the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth.
I love your beautiful affirmation, Joe. It gives me comfort and peace. Thank you for taking the time to share it with me and those who read this piece. “What Would Jesus Do with our answer.” <--- YES!!!
Wow! Talk about cutting to the chase! Brilliantly done dear friend! I, like others pray I would have the confidence to proudly exclaim, “yes!” Thanks for the challenge. I too shall pray for strength.
I wish I could be so sure about it… but I’m not sure at all what I would do. I do know one thing- I will be sure about claiming Christ in *less* comfortable situations… that is the least I can do. Right?
I guess I never really know what I’d do unless I was in the moment.
And I’m not a Christian, but you can fill in the blanks with anything I hold dearly to – and I know how many people do hold so dearly to their religions. It’s so impossible.
Definitely a brilliant post, but no surprise by now.
Aw! I just love that you can filter through the faith parts and still allow many parts of this post to resonate with you, Tamara. ANYTHING you hold dearly. Exactly that. I was even thinking about adding other faiths in the mix too- as so many lives have been lost for so many religions, so many lifestyles, so many values… The list goes on and on really.
Wow. I honestly don’t know. I don’t know if my brain would be able to truly process what was happening and function enough to say anything coherent. You have given me so much to think about. Mostly the need to pray for the grieving families is weighing heavy on me right now. Thank you for your honesty.
My heart is too, Stephanie. I don’t think any of us can truly know how we would respond… But we surely have opportunities every day to respond without a gun to our head. That is the most important part of this post… Right? I am convicted and compelled to do better. I think we all can, for God and for those lives lost in the name of Christ.
None of us know what we’d say in that moment. I love your honesty with this. The gun is loaded all the time, ready to go off on us in the form of a cold shoulder, a rejection of friendship, or an outright insult – any time we say to the world “I AM A CHRISTIAN”
It shouldn’t stop us from saying it, but I think it does more often than we realize.
I love how you put that, Andrea. Yes- it IS loaded all the time. In all those forms you mentioned and more! I think fear has too much power over our lives and especially our witness to others. I pray I can be bolder in claiming Christ. I pray we all can.
I think this is the perfect response to something so tragic it is beyond words. Share your faith. Someone might think you’re a weirdo. But someone else – much, much younger – died, just for saying, “Christ is Lord.”
The extreme cases are so convicting to me! The least we can do is step forward in claiming our faith in those uncomfortable situations… Right? This compels me toward that charge. I pray it does for many quiet Christians too.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and raising your voice in front of such a terrible tragedy Chris.I still can’t get my head around it – too crazy for me.
I think we all kind of know what we would like to say, how we would like to behave. But in reality, fear does make things more difficult I imagine.
I’d think about my little one first. I am sure God would understand.
I am not sure I would be brave enough to say it out loud, looking at the crazy guy behind his knife or his gun. I think I’d like to scream at him that it has nothing to do with religion, it has to do with love. But that would not work anyway. Cause if this guy believed in love, he would not be there, standing and pushing me towards death.
Much love and may God saves us from such a tragedy. May he blesses the ones who died and their families.
This world is so scary. I’m scared. I pray for those families of all the various shootings… there are too many. Far too many. I think I would try to attack the gunman. What have I got to lose? What breaks my heart the most is hearing that one of those precious people tried to have compassion for him, and he went ahead and shot her dead despite her reaching out to him with love. Evil. God be with us all.
My heart aches for these families. This world is falling apart and so broken. This is one of those posts that reach deep within your soul and makes you really think about what you would do. Honestly, I don’t know. I want to say I would have the strength to say yes because ultimately Christ is first, but I do exactly what you do. I go straight to my children first! I imagine God doing the same thing with the gun up against their head. He wants so desperately to protect them and He puts His children first. But since this isn’t our forever home and He has our eternity in mind, I imagine Him saying “Say yes my child! And come spend eternity in your real home with me.” Wow. Just wow. My heart hurts for this world.
Yes… to all you shared here Stephanie! I love your response to this. If we could only grasp the gift of eternity like God does, ya know? I think God would understand our hearts for our children. They are much like His for His children! My heart hurts for this world too. God be with us all, as we navigate our way through it.
I don’t know either, Chris. Although I hope I wouldn’t pull a Peter. You are spot on, though, with how it is almost easier to deny Christ in our everyday, non-fatal lives with people we know and work with. I wish that wasn’t the case, but thank you for acknowledging that it can be the case.
I think it’s an ongoing challenge for Christians who don’t feel comfortable talking about their faith. I know it is a tricky topic to address in certain places and circles, but I am convicted more to take bolder steps in claiming my faith after this tragedy transpired. It may be ‘uncomfortable’ for me… but the comparison compels me to take those steps now more than ever.
You humble me every time. And I read all the passionate and honest responses and I am in awe of their faith and quite honestly, I feel like a coward. But with the gun loaded and the lives of my four kids flashing before my eyes – I know I wouldn’t hesitate. I’d say no.
You are not alone, my friend. I’d like to think that God understands more than anyone about having that kind of love for our children, as his love for his children is much the same. I also like to believe and hold tight to the people in the bible who denied Christ and continued to become HUGE players in God’s plan. I think can all be used by God no matter how we respond.
Thought provoking. Gut wrenching (in a good way). Like you, I don’t know what I would do, but I’m sure my first thoughts would be of my children. Do I say “No” so they don’t lose their mommy or do I say “YES!” so they know their mom died standing up for what she believed?!?!?!
It’s incredibly gut-wrenching to even think of such a situation, isn’t it? What a horrifying idea… that can become a reality. God be with us, no matter how we respond!
Oh Chris, I am embarrassed to say that I do not know if I will say yes but there is a big possibility that I will say no. I can’t imagine leaving the kids. 🙁 God would be so disappointed in me.
I think God knows our hearts better than anyone here in the world… I truly believe that He already knows how each of us would respond. He LOVED Peter… who became the ROCK. There is so much hope in knowing that God can STILL love us and use us for His purpose no matter how we fall or fail him.
What a frightening thought, my friend! You have really so vividly and intensely taken us there, Chris. I just can’t believe this is happening in our world, but it most certainly is. This is unfortunately a question we may answer someday in this exact situation. I hope that I would be able to spring out a fast yes! I pray for my children as well. This is an absolute devastating situation. Many prayers for the families and survivors. Thank you for bringing awareness here with your beautiful and important writing! Hugs :).
I really have no idea how I would respond. It grips my heart in such an intensity just imagining it. I am in awe of those fearless victors that stood strong for God. I can only pray I would too…
I love what you said about how the ordinary standing up for what we believe in moments are also hard. I agree! Who knows what I would do with a gun pointed to my head, but I would hope in those quieter moments, with a friend, or someone one on one curious about my faith, I’d have the courage to witness and remember those who lost their lives doing just that.
Oh Meredith, I love how you said that. I picture the scene with someone who trusts you and is curious about your faith, and you being able to honestly share in an authentic and genuine way. Most often, THOSE are the best opportunities for us all. They are Divine. 🙂
I would love to say I would be a hero and try really hard to talk the gun our of their hands and away from my head. However, I have no idea what I would do. Pray hard and out loud for my life, my family and my friends.
Oh yes Sarah… I believe someone did try that, and got shot. God be with them. I would hope and pray I would try to go after the gun…try to prevent more killings. I may freeze like Jennifer though. I just don’t know. But I love how you said you would pray hard and out loud for your life, your family and your friends. I would like to think I would do the same…
Such a hard question to answer. It’s easy for us to sit and speculate how we’d act in any given situation…but you never really know how your brain’s flight, fight or freeze is going to react to a particular trigger. You did a great job tackling this difficult, difficult subject.
Exactly, Jill. You just never know… I really appreciate you coming by to read this one, my friend. It’s a tough one for me.