I hate having to see a new doctor. Filling out all the forms and going through Cassidy’s history is quite cumbersome, to say the least. I’d rather not do it at all, but I am used to documenting the unusual amount of history this girl holds in her 11 years of life. When meeting a new doctor, I have become quite eloquent and poised at sharing her long and sorted past of grueling medical issues and procedures and diagnoses. I am able now, with the distance of a few years, to spell it out in a pace that is practical and to the point. I have polished the pieces of her past with a detailed timeline that winds around difficult turns and haunting memories. And as those blurry reflections come back to the surface in that rising moment, I am once again stirred with that familiar jolt of emotion.
There is more praise than pain now.
For that I am thankful.
When I speak to these doctors, sharing her story- our journey, I sense her tuning in with that innate radar that clings to her defining identity. She listens intently, taking in every recollection as if for the first time. And I believe the one most important thing I have done right in this parenting gig, is birth and nurture her belief that she is God’s fearfully and wonderfully made child. She is special. Designed with His Holy Hands to be a mighty force of His Goodness and His Strength.
She wears her story like a badge of honor. Because she believes it when I tell her, she is the making of God’s Miracle. Although she doesn’t remember much of her agonizing past, she holds the story like a potent beloved diary that is by God’s Design.
And that my friends, is my greatest success in parenting this precious child. Revealing to her the mystery of her creation, that has become a true living monument of hope.
Her severe reflux, her years of chronic illness, her malformed sinuses, her debilitating asthma, her abnormally formed ears, her viciously damaged larynx and pharynx, her multiple ulcers in her stomach, and her beautifully broken eyes…
A maddening muddled mess made into a marvelous miracle.
And despite the trauma of all her conditions, her light has never stopped illuminating even in the darkest of hours.
I marvel at God’s workmanship in her. May she never, ever stop believing His Truth…
Meet my beloved daughter. And before I tell you her story, rest assured…
She is well within her soul.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
What a beautiful tribute, Chris! I love the line about more praise than pain. I beginning to see that ahead of us some day, too. More hurdles, but moreunderstanding and more peace.
Oh, do I understand that my friend. More hurdles and more understanding… and peace. Hold on. Keep holding on! Praying for you to feel more praise than pain soon. XOXO
Despite all of Cassidy’s struggles, you have the most uplifting and positive attitude. I really admire that.
SARA! Oh, thank you so so much for commenting!! I love seeing you here! And thank you for your precious words of encouragement! There are so many ways to find the positive, if we just look for it. God shows me everyday, and really? He shows us all, if we want to see. 🙂
*I heard you were RADIANT at your wedding and that it was a GORGEOUS ceremony!! I have thought about you TONS of times, and pray you are enjoying your new life of love together!!*
Janine Huldie says
Chris, Cassidy seriously is an angel on Earth and try just so honored to get to know her more here with each of your posts. So just can’t thank you enough for sharing her here always with us. Hugs tonight my friend!! 🙂
Oh Janine, you are such a dear friend to be so deeply engaged with my beautiful daughter’s story!! Oh, how I adore you for that! You bless me with every word of encouragement you share. Thank you, friend. I love you. <3
Ahhh beautiful Cass 🙂 I’m glad that things are well with my young BFF 🙂
Well, she failed her hearing test at school, and will always have hearing difficulties. Her ear drum can’t function completely with the way her ears are designed. Her upper GI tissue is still just as bad as it was three years ago, so that’s no good. It’s atrocious really. 🙁 BUT- clinically, she’s never been better… so we celebrate THAT! Oh do we ever. She loves her *older but not NOT OLD* BFF!!! 🙂
Well I just hope she’s not in discomfort. The GI thing sounds bad. Will it heal at any point? Are there ways of fixing it? 🙁
But, she’s still wonderful HER. And as for clinically never been better, that’s great.
But well in her soul is far more important. And she’s a beaut.
Her tissue is just so destroyed, it may take ten more years to see healing. She’s on meds- has been since we discovered it through the scope they stick down her nose into her throat (as she gags and pukes and cries)- once we realized what we had to deal with, our ENT scheduled to get her adenoids out immediately. So that helped. Herr vocal chords are okay, thank GOD. Everything else surrounding it is tragic. Starting additional meds at night to prevent more acid coming up when she sleeps. Will see. Just praying that no abnormal cells develop. That is my only fear with this thing.
When we did the upper GI endoscopy- the specialist at Children’s found MULTIPLE ulcers in her stomach. So just one more piece to the puzzle. The god thin is since the meds, those have healed nicely!
We are good though. And she is well within her soul. MOST important of all. 🙂
Goodness! Yes, here’s hoping for never any abnormal cells! The tube down the nose thing sounds horrible, but I’m so glad to hear that gradually her doctors are creating a robust treatment plan for her, and that their interventions are WORKING. That’s awesome.
Ah sweet Cass. She has a large cross to bear, and yet she seems so determined not to let it get in her way. Lovely spirit and attitude 🙂
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
Wow! What a beautiful post mama! I can hear and feel the powerful love you have for your daughter and the powerful love of God surrounding her.
God chose you as her mom… He knows what He is doing. With that, there is peace and assurance.
Blessings to all of you.
Oh Jennifer, thank you so much for your gorgeous words of encouragement!! She is truly a light, and I am blessed to be her mama. So deeply blessed. 🙂
Love this Chris. I always new Cassidy was a special kid. Just from looking into her eyes, there is a peace and a quiet beauty that she radiates. She is an amazing young lady and I am lucky and blessed to know her.
Oh Brenda!! I love that you see it in her too!! And I love that you see so deeply into her heart. She adores you. <3 *Almost as much as I do*
michelle @ this little light says
She is absolutely lovely, Chris! You can tell just from that smile that she’s got a light about her.
What a blessing!
She truly is a love and a light, Michelle. I am so blessed to be her mom. XOXO
Katie @ Pick Any Two says
She really is a marvelous miracle, and it’s so wonderful that you’ve instilled that belief into her soul. I’m teaching Vacation Bible School this week, and one of our main messages for the children is that they are all God’s masterpieces. It’s a message we all need to hear over and over again!
Thank you Katie!! What a perfect message to instill in the hearts of your kiddos at VBS!! Love that!
So beautiful. And she’ll grow up to be as amazing and beautiful as her mom as an adult.
And she’ll be secure in your love and God’s love.
A miracle angel child!
Give her a hug for me!
Thank you love… so so much. <3 I will give her a big hug from you!!! XOXO
Ginny Marie says
This is so great! Going through that health litany can be so tedious, and yet it’s such a great reminder of God’s blessings. 🙂
AMEN to THAT Ginny!! Absolutely true… 🙂
Precious girl, I love you so much Cassidy. You are blessed with soooo many gifts that God will use so abundantly over the course of your life! So praiseful that you have been blessed with health the last couple years. Praying that is the case for many many decades to come! CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU
I will share your comment with her sis! Oh, how I know God has great things planned for her future!! I see her light grow, and I know. 🙂 WE CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!! (And organize your closets… for cookies.)
P.s. We best be getting some of these amazing pictures that look professionally taken recently? ? family? individual? love them!
JC Penny Amazon coupon baby!! Our first portrait since Cass was 6 months old. LOLOL If you head on back to read more posts (during your spare time… I KNOW you have it, don’t lolly gag around) you will see them pop up! Oh, and my fb page too! Whereyabeen anyway? Moving or something? Geesh.
*LOVE seeing you here again. Cannot WAIT to see you there.*
Sue Theimer says
Beautiful Mom makes beautiful daughter, and, of course, beautiful grandma in there someplace.
Beautiful daughter of a beautiful daughter of a beautiful mom and grandma. How’s that? 🙂 Thanks mom!!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
Her light shine even through photographs and yours shines through your words and love for her!
Thank you SO much Lisa. She really has a light about her. I love that. 🙂 And I’m glad you feel my love through my words!
Cannot believe how wonderfully and perfectly made she is! And go you, Mama, for always seeing an recognizing her beauty!
She’s a GEM, my friend. Oh, how blessed I am!
Cathy Z. Peek says
Beautifully written. Such a bond of love through the heartbreak of hurt while the story is written…his story. Your daughter is a beautiful person! I know it must be indescribable to see her suffer. Many prayers! I am stopping by from A Little R & R. Blessings on you both.
Thank you so very much Cathy! It was ten years of LONG suffering… but I am celebrating our victory now! I’m so grateful you stopped by. 🙂
Julie Chenell DeNeen says
Absolutely stunning. You are an amazing mother — and she takes after you!
Oh thank you so so much Julie!! That means the WORLD to me, my friend. <3
It's been a hell of a road... I am so so glad we are now *here*.
It’s so nice to meet you and your beautiful daughter today, Chris! You sound like an amazing mother, full of love. Both of my kids have chronic illnesses- diabetes and epilepsy. I spend a great deal of time in doctor’s offices. I completely understand about the redundancy of going over their histories again and again. Looking forward to getting to know you both :)!
Oh Candace! I can’t imagine having to have children suffer through those horrible medical ailments! Bless your mama heart. I can only imagine your journey in it all… and through it all. I’m thrilled we have connected! Thank you for stopping by to ‘meet’ us! 🙂
another jennifer says
So beautiful…both Cassidy and her mom! I love that she not only knows her story but she embraces it. She is truly a gift. And she’s lucky to have a mom who cares so much for her!
Thanks love… I a blessed mama indeed! And I am forever grateful we are through the ‘hard part’ of the journey with this mess.
Love everything about this! Can’t wait to meet your precious daughter you’ve been gifted with!
Thanks so much Karmen!! She’s a love and a light!! I can’t WAIT to see you!!!! XOXO (Good LORD, it may be after the crazy summer season at this point! Sigh…)
Lori Wildenberg says
Beautiful. Sharing this over at our FB page at 10 am today! Fearfully and wonderfully made by our Great God.
Thank you Lori!!! God’s workmanship IS marvelous in her!! XOXO
this is so beautiful and such a testimony to her and God’s never failing love for us. Stead Fast!
And you even included one of my most favourite verses! 🙂
Oh thank you so much Leslie!! She is a marvel… and that verse has God’s Power to lift even the darkest perspectives about ourselves, doesn’t it? Oh, how I love that!!!
WE are fearfully and wonderfully made, my friend. Whew!
You are one inspiring woman Chris! And so is Cassidy. I love Psalm 139:14 and would love to embrace it to my core.
Thank you SO much Jhanis!!! My girl is quite amazing.
EMBRACE it!! I have to every single day… XOXO
Cassidy is beautiful and from everything I know about her from reading your blog she is equally beautiful on the inside!!!
It Is Well With My Soul might be one of my favorite songs ever and I love the fact that it is well within your daughter’s soul!!!
Oh how I love that you love that song Kim!! I believe there truly is nothing more important than having our kids truly be ‘well within their souls’.
Cassidy is very lucky to have you as a mom, and of course vice versa too. You are the most positive, upbeat person I know, and I get the feeling from your posts that Cassidy is very much like you and determined not to let her health issues limit or define her. Hugs to both of you!
Oh Michelle, you are such a dear friend and I am so grateful for your encouragement!!!
We are very much a like- and I love that we have the same disposition!!! 🙂
This made me tear up. Your love for your daughter is so evident. And she’ll be better for knowing how highly you regard her, it will help her grow in confidence and self-worth.
Thanks so much Shell!! I love that she knows my love… oh, how I do! I just pray that as she navigates those tween and teen years, our relationship can continue as close as it is. Oh, how I pray!!
I have chills reading this! Your daughter has a beautiful smile and you can just see her sweet spirit! I have a miracle of God child also and I know the Lord chooses us as their mothers for a reason. We are in this for life….thank God for His grace and love to help us through!
AMEN to THAT AnnMarie!! Oh, I thank God every day for carrying us through those dark days… I am now in this season of embracing the refined treasure in us both- celebrating where we are now, and praying for where He will take us next. This motherhood mission is sanctifying and edifying, yes? You are farther along the path than I, and I am so blessed to meet you. 🙂