I was looking for a movie to watch while I exercised, and came across “The Passion of the Christ” and thought it would be a good one to watch. I haven’t seen it since it came out and fresh from Easter celebrations, I thought to myself, “This would be good for me. I need another reminder…”
I quickly came to realize the pain and torture that erupted so violently before my eyes and in my soul, while watching the massacre of my beloved Christ and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I turned it off and went upstairs for a respite. I brought up some weights and with trembling hands decided to see what I had on the DVR to watch, in hopes to distract me from the resonating pain of Christ’s crucifixion.
I clicked on 60 minutes thinking this would be worthwhile to watch. This particular episode was a long interview with the grieving Sandy Hook parents. I watched, and drew in closer to the TV slowly putting my weights down… as I succumbed to the suffering they exuded; I felt the darkness slip into my heart. The Boston tragedy had just happened, and I couldn’t take the trauma of more agony and pain. I turned it off. And sat in silence. I had no words to pray. No words can possibly adequately describe the heavy burden of loss. Of trauma. Of fear. Of an aching that is so deep, it penetrates every piece of who you are.
I was so lost in their helplessness and hopelessness, all I wanted to do was pray for them. And yet? I couldn’t find the words to pray. I was so deeply traumatized by their pain, that I simply had no words of prayer to offer, except “Help them, Lord. Help them.”
And yet, I kept thinking of this…
Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
I kept thinking of this. His word tells us that the Spirit helps us in our weakness. When we don’t have words… because the pain is too great for words…the Spirit intercedes on our behalf….
So I sat in silence. I couldn’t put into words what this grief and horror could possibly feel like for all the victims of such heinous evil. There are no words. Not for this.
And when the pain is so deep that words can’t describe it, when the emotion is too intense for our human mind to process…
The Spirit will moan for us… and pray for us on our behalf.
Oh, how I love this. I pray that the Spirit moans for every single soul attacked by evil… I pray that I can grieve for these precious people struck by horror…in hopes that if I can sacrifice even one bit of suffering for them in my heart and carry a tiny bit of their burden…they will have less in theirs.
Lord, let me bear their pain. Give me a piece of their weight to carry in my own trembling arms. May I please? Let me hold it close and mourn for them, in a desperate plea to carry them for just one moment.
And I will give it all to you. Without words. For your Spirit will moan in my suffering.
Your spirit will intercede for them. For me. For all.
That is my prayer.