Tic Toc, the clock moves forward with an anxious tremble. Anticipating letting go, again. It’s never an easy season. Mixed emotions fluctuating back and forth as my mind wanders through the halls and classrooms filled with children and all that lies ahead. I feel sudden surges of anxiety, forecasting bullying and sickness, academic struggles and homework. Twisting through the darkness of what’s to come and fearful of what may be a reality, and what may not. I force excitement out with an apprehensive squeal, knowing that a new beginning is good. But hiding in the corner of my soul, is angst and turmoil about what is bad. Hours and hours through days and days, present opportunities of the unknown.
Will they find friends? Will they be scared in the new halls with the new schedule and the new teachers and all the “new”? Will they navigate their way through the corridors and find the restroom in time? Will they find someone to eat lunch with and play with at recess? Will they grow tired half way through the day and want to give up? Will they want to cry deep inside, or cower in fear? Will they understand the curriculum and take the tests with confidence? Will I ever know exactly what they face during those long days, weeks and months on their own? Oh how the questions go on and on in my restless mind.
I want so badly to believe that this is a good world with a good place to send my children to be educated. I long to turn around and go on my way feeling confident in all that surrounds them, influences them, embraces them and questions them. I want security in knowing that my children will be entirely safe and well inside the walls of their school. I want to rely with certainty that when they are ill, they will be taken care of effectively and lovingly. I want to believe. Oh, how I want to believe.
A mother’s shaky heart. A mother’s trembling hand. A mother’s doubting mind. A mother’s aching soul.
Tic Tock, the clock flies toward new beginnings of wonder and learning about this world and where my children fit in. It is a time of awareness and investigating all that ignites their hearts and deepens their soul. The experiences that lie before them are the building blocks of who they will become. It is profound and critical to set them free, in order for them to navigate and discover each corner of life that unfolds before them. The days will be filled with tests on their skills and abilities to problem solve and make good decisions based on their character and their intuition. What a remarkable world to explore and question with the resources that our dedicated teachers can provide.
My children will learn independence and integrity as they overcome adversity and conflicts. They will conquer fears and inspire others, as they fully embrace their strength and confidence. Each challenge will be a step forward in developing their identity, believing in who they are. They will acquire the ability to evaluate and assess their surroundings accordingly, and practice bold creativity in coping. As hours turn into days and days run into weeks, they will grow in perseverance and endurance through hard lessons, filled with triumphant victories and painful defeats. Practicing the very essence of living.
I am so grateful that my children have this chance of a lifetime to grow with so many others from different walks of life. The diversity of souls will add depth to their perceptions and enlighten their minds to all that this country stands for: freedom. They will adapt and adjust to things they do not understand or agree with, and they will find compassion for those who are suffering.
My children will take their steps alone, without holding my hand, as they embark on their journey. It is how they grow. And I will be anxiously waiting for them alone, without holding their hands, as I too find my direction. It is how I grow.
A mother’s courageous heart. A mother’s sturdy hand. A mother’s confident mind. A mother’s faithful soul.
Beautiful post. I echo your every thought here. My little one is starting “big school” this year, so that weighs heavy on my heart and my older one is headed to 3rd grade, which I feel like is mean girl, drama waiting to happen.
But we will make it, because we are mothers, because we are strong, because we care.
Your sweet ones will do great.
One of my favorite sayings I heard when my older one started school: It is our job to prepare our child for the path, not to prepare the path for our child. 🙂
Oh I LOVE that saying!!!! I am so making that my “mantra” this season! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your encouragement. Means so much to me. And good luck to you too, dear mama! We will write ourselves silly with all that the year entails!!!
I know I’m a weirdo about privacey, lol, but I don’t like posting my name. Anyway, I feel for your friend!! When Little R changed school districts in 2nd grade (we just started homeschooling in 3rd) I was a MESS!! Not only did I hate not having him around but I had all of the same fears you did. Will he make friends, will he be alone at lunch, will he be alone at recess, will he have anything in common with the new kids, what were we thinking moving him to a new district and away from the friends he had gone to school with since preschool. But you want to know the good news my friend? God has already thought about all of those “what ifs” and He has gone ahead of Cass and Cade and worked out every last detail! How great is that!? You don’t need to worry cuz God has it handled, they may not to get to hold your hand through the halls but they are holding the hand of the one who loves them more than we do. Hang in there and I’m here if you need an ear!
Oh you dear sweet friend! Thank you so much for that amazing encouragement! I love hearing it. I needed to hear it. God used you to bless me tonight. Eyes on Him…Eyes on Him. 🙂
Will be praying for those little people as they ‘navigate’ in school this year! Good luck Cass and Cade! And good luck to mommy too! May your nerves settle quickly!
Thanks so much sister!!! One word: Bench. Two words: Pyrex Glassware Three words: Chips in Wallmart Four words: Oh, I love you! 🙂
I subscribe to the “try not to think about it” school of thought. I shudder when I think about those heartaches of childhood and so want to protect my “baby” from all that. I agree with you, my new mantra is to “prepare her for the path” — so LOVE that! Love this article!
YES! I have to start blocking it out of my mind or I will seriously lose it! So glad Ashley’s statement inspired you as well! LOVE it!
Sue Theimer says
How very well you described the emotions of both mom and child, Chrissy! There will be many separations to come; is there safety in numbers? NO, each and every time is difficult, even when Mom is 72 and child is almost 45!
Aw thanks mom! Geez… I am only at the starting gate of this journey then! Well you can at least rest assured that your baby is doing well. VERY well! 🙂
Jenny @ Creatively Blooming says
Love this post! My kids are currently in preschool. I love hearing them tell me what they learn every day, but I know as they get older worries will start too. I just try not to think about that right now!
Visiting from SITS. Have a great weekend!
Oh thank you for reading and your encouraging comment! Yes, my kids are starting first grade (all day school! yikes!) and fourth grade (new school for her…double yikes!). It gets harder to let go. The world seems meaner and more difficult to navigate, the older they get. But praying their strength and courage will prevail in finding who they are in it all. On their own…
WOW WOW WOW. I found you on SITS and I guess it was known that i needed to read this. My one and only child starts kindergarten in a week. I worry about bullying and teachers and will he be ok but just as you said I know this is his time to travel this journey and learn how to shine.
Thank You So Much
Oh I am SO happy you found me!! And it appears in perfect time for you as you face the looming day of letting go of your little one!!! Hang tight mama! Oh, do I know what you are going through!!!! 🙂