Today I kick off my new series! A few posts back, I offered my place for anyone to come and share their faith story. Anyone. That includes all walks of faith, all kinds of people, and truly- everyone who comes here is loved and valuable and worthy of respect, wherever they are in their faith journey. I have no expectations of passionate Christians coming in droves, my passion lies in people. Period. And quite frankly, your hearts. Wherever you are, God meets you there. And I too, meet you there. As all should.
Now lets all shout a glorious “AMEN” to that, shall we?
I am so excited to share an incredible testimony, written by an amazing and beloved friend. Lizzi has become dear to my heart, as we have grown close quick. I love how God places people in our lives for a reason. Don’t you?
She is a gifted writer and a beautiful soul. Don’t let her fool you. If you haven’t met her yet, you need to see what she’s all about. She gives plenty of her brilliance over at Considerings. Go see for yourself. And here, she shares a part of her that is both profound and powerful. I am personally in awe of her portrait of faith. Okay, enough of ME- it’s now time for Lizzi!
Chris asked me to write a devotional for her, which made me hugely excited and happy that she valued my words that much, but also made me think she might be making a huge mistake, you see, I’m pretty certain this might turn out to be a massive let-down.
Let me explain:
I remember very vividly, a few times in life where the sermon in church, or the discussion in home group, has suddenly gotten ‘pointy’. As in, pointing-at-me, ‘pointy’.
These times tend to be when the conversation or teaching wends towards the topic of WITNESS, and often includes the oh-everyone-knows-this verse from the end of Matthew’s gospel (also often referred to as The Great Commission)
“18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
The moment this passage gets brought up, I start getting twitchy. Because years ago, a very compelling teacher posed the question “If you were put on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to accuse you? If not, then you might want to think about that…”
Ack.
If there is one thing I can definitely guarantee, it’s that there is far more evidence against me being Christian than there ever could be for me being one.
The swearing. The anger and arguing. The struggles I’m having in my marriage and in sticking to my vows (love? honour? obey? who are you kidding?). The bitching behind backs. The flirting and occasional salacious comment. The resentment I harbour for my current situation as mother to two miscarried babies and potentially without the prospect of any further children, all due to Husby’s illness. The resentment which seems to be hardening in my heart, like a cold stone, when I look at him and wonder why he’s not better yet, or not trying harder to GET better yet. The irritation I nurture and feed, allowing myself to think negatively. My lack of faith that any Good can come of this, and that perhaps God doesn’t know what He’s doing, at ALL, sometimes.
And yet, I just can’t quit God. I know – I’ve tried.
In the end, the idea that this world in all its brokenness and hurt, and the propensity of the corrupt and wicked to find success, and for the poor and downtrodden to remain so, should be all there is…is too harrowing for words.
Whereas, even if it’s the wildest of magical dreams, the idea that there is a Creator who Made It All, and intended it to be perfect – who made me, and you, and everyone else, and intended us all to be perfect, with eternal souls which could spend forever in glorious friendship with Him – that sounds like the Good Stuff right there.
Not to mention some of the amazing promises made about this afterlife:
Revelation 21: 3-6 says
“And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”
And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” Then He said to me, “It is done…”
Can you begin to imagine? That moment when all things (including us) are made new; are perfected and brought back to our original, intended, eternal natures – it’s what Louis Armstrong sang about in ‘What a Wonderful World’, only amped up beyond our wildest dreams.
Heaven is perfect. And that perfection is so wholly holy that it is almost unbearable in its beauty and as such, nothing which is less than perfect could ever be allowed in. Ever.
So how can we ever hope to get there? Because let’s face it. We’re screw-ups – I don’t care who you are – you make mistakes, just like I do (well, different ones, I expect) and it’s part of our nature while we’re here to have the balance ever-so-slightly loaded on the side of ‘making a mess of it’.
Some people try to get there by Being Good, or by Doing Lots of Christian Things, or by Sharing Their Wealth, or by Converting Others. And in the end, none of that will work.
Our best efforts will never be enough.
Is that disappointing?
I don’t think so.
It’s a relief.
Because knowing myself, and knowing how utterly hopeless I am, the pressure of trying to get myself into Heaven under my own steam would be too immense and I would shatter into a million pieces, knowing it was an utterly impossible task.
Enter the loophole.
Jesus.
It’s all about Him.
Because in His wisdom, He made me (and you) and the whole point in making us was that He wants to be friends with us. Forever. But He’s not going to force the issue – He wants genuine friendship, chosen freely by us; not coerced or forced or ‘for-lack-of-a-better-option’ friendship, but the true, invested kind.
He knew that we’re messy kinds of beings, because He made us (fearfully and wonderfully) with the option to mess up. And in this broken world, messing up often seems like the better (or default) option.
So He decided to address this with grace; He allowed himself to be murdered by the very people He was trying to befriend.
Jesus – who somehow managed to contain both human and God – managed to go through life so mindfully, He did it without a single sin. And because of that, when He died, the Old Way – the way of Death – was defeated. It couldn’t keep Him down, for there were no transgressions to separate Him from going straight to Heaven. Perfect.
And all for this:
On that final day, when those horsemen of the apocalypse come rampaging through, and lightning goes off across the world, and bells ring and trumpets sound, and in a glorious chaos of confusion and wonder, the world comes to a halt and wonders what the hell just happened, then catches its collective breath as it realises that this is The End – we all will be judged.
And in that moment, through grace and love more immense than we can begin to fathom, Jesus offers to step in front of us, hold out his arms wide, hide us behind his perfection, and tell God “This wonderful person is a friend of mine, who has done some wrong things, has apologised and tried to make amends. I am here, standing in front of them, so that you can only see my blamelessness. Their wrongdoings are gone. Every. Last. One. Because I, who could not be held by death, have forgiven them everything. They are perfected. Let them in.”
(I paraphrase (probably) but you get the gist)
So in the end, it’s nothing to do with me.
I need to be a willing participant in the plan. But in the end, workings are all Him – His character, which freely offers a way for a failure like me become perfectly what He intended all along.
In the meantime, back in the witness box, if anyone should try to accuse me of being Christian, what do I have?
Well, I have those failures. The parts of life I wish I really hadn’t done as I did. The parts of life I should have done differently and didn’t. The conversations I chickened out of, or the arguments I went for with all guns blazing and my words set to ‘kill’.
Because just look at this:
2 Corinthians 12
“9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
And so my constant prayer (and perhaps one of the major sources of my ongoing ability to somehow keep the faith, in spite of everything) goes something like this:
“Dear LORD! I’ve fucked up. And again, for saying fucked. Twice! But look – I’ve made a mess, and I know that somehow, you can do something with that. You say that your power can be made perfect in weakness? Well I’ve been working on those weaknesses, and somehow two have gotten a little better, but seven more just appeared – could you just take them all – all the gnarly, broken, crappy parts of me and make something GOOD happen with them. Please? And sorry. And thank you.”
So yes. I’m a failure. A let-down. But I’m God’s let-down, and He thinks I’m worth it.
And that just might be perfect, in that case-
So might this writing be.
Join the Deep Thinking, Truth Telling and Good-Seeking at Considerings
I loved this – mostly because it was a great message and from someone who doesn’t even pretend to be perfect but is a very real person just like me!!!
Kim, thank you so much for your very encouraging response to this piece. That the first response to it has been so positive really helps put my mind at ease about how it’s going to be received.
I couldn’t possibly pretend to be perfect. Not now, not ever. But I’m really great at imperfection, and I do try to be Truthful. I’m just glad that my imperfections can be put to such good use – there are so many of them!
Liizi set the bar high on this one- the first of what I am hoping is a long and fruitful series for all. ALL.
I love her courageous step in sharing her deepest parts of her Christian faith. I am confident that EVERYONE can relate to being imperfect. And I am more confident that someone, somewhere out there- may have learned a thing or two.
XO
(Still nudging!! Not pushing…. just nudging!!)
As my friend would say, “True story”. God knows us better than we know ourselves. Why pretend? Thanks for your honesty and being open.
Thanks Laurie. Honesty and openness are two qualities I value highly in others, and try to maintain in myself.
And yes, when I stop and think about how well God knows me…it gets painful. And I wish I found that it inspired me to do better…
When lizzi sent her post to me- I was incredibly impressed with her authenticity. It resonates with everyone…. EVERYONE. 🙂
Lizzi, you said it perfectly and coming from a fellow swearer (yes from way back), I have said my fair share of curse words, including the word “Fuck”. Hey with two little kids and the day with Playdough alone, I said it quite a few times, but you are right I think as long as we repent in our own way, he will hear us and know we didn’t mean. Wonderful post and thanks Lizzi for sharing your thoughts on this here!
Ah, see, to my shame, I mean it half the time, and the rest just say it for effect! Very bad of me. I think I need to ask for a little more of a repentful spirit…I’m not overly good at that. I tend to get defensive.
But thanks for the solidarity – I really appreciate that 🙂 Thank you for your lovely comment, and for ALL your lovely comments, and for lovely you *hugs*
I might say those LONG excruciatingly challenging days can let the strongest break down and unravel into a thousand F— words!!
(I gotta bleep it out- cause ya know, my home- my rules. I would probably feel more comfortable F-ing it up over at your place- kinda like going to a house with no parents…lol!!)
Well CRAP! I just read what I said and it sounds like I am saying that your place doesn’t have a “Father- Parent figure” that may be perceived as me saying that there is no presence of God on your site! AAAHHHH!!!
Oh dear Lord, I pray you didn’t take it that way!!
You wouldn’t though- no… not you Janine! XOXO
(Apparently- I can say the word “Crap” here, but not the F word… why bother with rules??)
Totally didn’t take it that way Chris at all and please don’t worry, I know you were only being funny! Seriously so happy that we have gotten to be friends and closer here recently!! 🙂 🙂
You are ABSOLUTELY the BEST Janine. HUGS!!!! XOXO
What a beautiful post, Lizzi. I’ve heard that activity before, of being on trial for being a Christian. I never really liked it.
We are all screw ups. We were made that way. By Him. It’s OK.
Aw thanks 🙂
I don’t like the analogy because it feels ‘pointy’, and I know we’re not meant to hide our light under a bushel or owt, but the thing is, there’s a time and a place, and yelling about it tends to alienate people.
Love (by which we’re meant to be known – that one) is a verb, and the ‘doing’ is often not very shouty. But I’m also aware I’m often not too good at doing it anyway.
Enter the loophole. I love that loophole.
Amen to THAT Christine! I agree- who ever receives information clearly and openly by judgment and pushing?
My greatest peace lies in the truth that God can use us exactly the way we are…
I really love this post. I feel like I could come back to this post and get something new from it with each re-read. I often feel like a beautiful let-down. But I’m working on it. And I know He thinks I’m worth it.
Thanks Jennifer.
It was really easy to write, because the one thing I know I’m good at (REALLY good at) is messing up, and failure, and not-getting-it-right. But that this can all be used for Good…is mind-blowing, and such a comfort.
I’m glad you understand this, and that you’re working on it. I guess it’s one of those things we probably never STOP working on (which also might be kinda the point)
I love how the comments here are helping me to crystallise my thoughts even further in this perspective. Thank you for yours, Jennifer.
Amen Jen… I hear ya. I just love your comment. LOVE.
Loved your intro, Chris! Of course you know that I’m from a different faith and that I LOVE coming here and I do feel welcome always.
That said, appreciate your honesty so much, Lizzi. So very much. It is a relief and not disappointing to know we’re all perfectly imperfect. And imperfectly perfect?
Tamara, thank you so much for your comment – I was rather concerned that what I wrote was going to upset the gorgeous balance Chris has got going here – she’s so open and welcoming to EVERYONE, and I was anxious that my writing this would make some of her readers feel uncomfortable, so your comment is really precious to me.
And yes – absolutely perfectly imperfectly perfect. Life is On Purpose. And so are we 🙂
I have had you on my heart from the moment I thought about this series!! I know that there are so many people that walk your road, Tamara. Oh, how it would be a blessing for you to share it here!
I know you vacillate, and perhaps are not completely grounded in the two interwoven faiths…what you believe- or how you believe or who you believe…and where your heart truly is in it all.
But you- my friend, are the voice of many.
Think about it?
NO pressure!!! XOXO
This is so beautiful, Lizzie. I got chills while reading it. Revelation 21:3-6 is one of my favorites passages–always brings tears to my eyes when I read it. Thank you for sharing this–it really brings things into perspective today. XO
Thank you so much, Marcia.
It’s a beautiful, gorgeous passage, and gives me hope, that one day all this – all the nastiness and horribleness and pain and hurt and death and mourning – will all be gone, and we’ll be left with a renewed creation and reunion with those we grieve for…I cannot WAIT.
And yet, in the meantime, there is Good to do.
I’m glad you found it a useful piece to read *HUGS*
Your comment? A true God-send to Lizzi, Marcia. I love your heart, and I love that you shared a part of it here in response to Lizzi’s beautiful testimony.
Oh, Chris. You are awesome. You are the most supportive blogger we know. You are a great friend always helping others! :)-The Dose Girls
AW! Thanks so much for your loyal and loving support ALWAYS. It is just an incredible blessing!!!!! XOXOXO
Lizzi took a step of Faith, literally- here. And I really believe she is the one deserving of praise today. SO proud of her!! 🙂
Lizzi. You are brave for being the first in this series. Talking about faith is such a personal thing. I think you are perfect in your imperfectness. Aren’t we all? Thank you for sharing, for always sharing, what is in your heart.
Yes, it worked out pretty neatly, because Chris didn’t really tell me much about the series until I sent her the piece, and then she suddenly decided she wanted to do this, and would I mind (I don’t mind at all).
Sharing faith is an intensely personal thing, but I figure that if I don’t do it, no-one will feel able to talk to me about theirs, because why would they. I don’t mind being an ice-breaker.
I do think we’re all imperfectly perfect, and that we (and life) are On Purpose. Definitely.
You’re always welcome, and I’ll ensure I try to stick to that. Truth is such a Good Thing.
Five Stars!
Thank you, Sue 🙂
What a great message Lizzi! We ALL mess up and we all get forgiveness. That’s God’s grace and it is a beautiful thing!! You are beautiful, too~
Lisa, thank you – and you’re right – His grace is beautiful, and available to every person who messes up, ever, which is awesome 🙂
Love Lizzi’s eloquent writing. And it’s refreshing to read about the Journey. We all have a Journey. Love the message and it’s power to uplift. 🙂
Thank you Cyndi *hugs* 🙂
This is absolutely beautiful, Lizzi. It’s such a wonderful message. We do all make mistakes and your words are uplifiting. I believe that God knows what we do and don’t mean and that what is most important is the type of person we are.
And Chris, you are amazing…I feel uplifted every time I come here!
Thank you Michelle. I’m glad you found this uplifting to read. I find it a comfort when I mess up 🙂
Oh, you two! This is beautiful and so well-written. I have been in that place where I wanted to quit God and I couldn’t. I couldn’t or didn’t want to believe that this was it. All of this hurt and pain was it. There had to be good things in store. There had to be someone or something to carry my burdens because they were too heavy for me to carry. You, my friend, are beautiful in every way…strengths, weaknesses, all of it.
It’s certainly a tough place to be, and I remember hating every second of it, but I wasn’t able to unhook. Not completely – not enough to do as I wanted without that prickle of conscience.
And that promise. That hope…that’s IT.
Thank you for your lovely response 🙂
YOU ARE AMAZING. Thanks for creating this place that we can be real, celebrate our faults and realize God loves us anyway! What an incredibly awesome post!
You are such a love, Meredith. Thank you so SO much for your support. I KNOW you can be a part of this series!!! If you want to share… I would be HONORED!!!
Anytime, girlfriend. Anytime.
LOVE you. XO
Thanks so much Meredith 🙂
The two of you together – awesome! Love that we can all share our imperfections – because we all have so many, but somehow this post makes it all feel “ok”. As long as we keep going, keep trying, keep messing up, keeping asking for forgiveness – we’re on the right path – whichever path we are all on:)
That’s what I loved most about Lizzi’s post- it’s real. It’s what we ALL are… imperfect in every way, really.
You are such a dear to support us BOTH!!!
YES! That’s exactly it. We keep trying, and we know that when (not if) we fail, it’s all okay…and we get up and try again 🙂
Thank you for your lovely response.
Wow, Lizzi, wow. I don’t know you but feel a soul-connectedness with you. I am so thankful for a Savior who knows our crap and loves us anyway. I’m also thankful for real, true friends that accept me the way I am – severely screwed up, and for a place we can vent without judgement. Here’s to the screw ups of the Kingdom! Cheers sister!
She’s one fine Britt Tammy!!! She’s amazing… and I just LOVE that you shared your sweetness here for her. I love that you and I and really all of us can relate to her genuine imperfections.
I love you WBP. 😉
Oh gosh, Tammy, the more people who feel this way and understand what I’m trying to say here, the very better!
No judgement, because none of us have a leg to stand on, but support of one another as we all struggle through the tough bits.
CHEERS to the screw-ups 😀
I thank GOD every day for loving me for who I am, forgiving me for all of my sins and imperfections. What a wonderful post!
Amen to that, Jen. And well done for remembering ever day. I’m lucky if I remember that a few times a month #letdown
I will chime in with a DITTO to THAT Jen!!! So grateful for His Grace poured out daily…. 🙂
Screw-ups unite *fist bump*
GOR.GEOUS post, Lizzi. I never saw this one!! My view on religion is so topsy-turvy and dysfunctional, I could never write about it, much less so beautifully. Again, I leave a writing of yours just shaking my head, marveling at the beauty that is your mind.
Wa-HEY! *fistbumps back*
Pretty much being a screw-up is the only thing I KNOW I excel at (that and, sometimes, writing) so….if that can be used in some way, I’m down with that.
I still get topsy turvy. To be honest, since even writing this post I’ve been more back and forth on the subject and just uncertain. I *think* things are beginning to make a little more sense now I’m buying a bit less into the ‘organised religion’ part of it (and being a bit more aware of the good and harm that it can do) and more into the faith and spirituality part, which seems in large part GOOD.
And here I’ve sat all week sort of kind of mad and blaming God, and I read this and a post by Lauri that just make me realize that maybe I shouldn’t be mad. The more words I experience of yours, Lizzi, the more I love you. Thank you for sharing this. I so very badly needed to read it tonight.
See, if this in any way helped, and even if it just ever helped one person, I’m glad it was you, and I’m glad I wrote it, Mandi. THIS is the screw-up-ness I CAN do. And (maybe) how that can be turned to Good.
But it’s totally okay to be mad at God. Or at life. Or at circumstances. Because there are times when they truly DO suck the big one. And God’s big enough to take that – He already knows, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to remind Him. And then see where He goes with it.
*huge wrap-around-hugs* to you, Mandi
I…I, I just don’t have the words. I am SO very blessed to know the both of you. Lizzi, thanks for pointing me to this. If I wasn’t in the office I’d be crying right now. Love to you both.
Lizzi has a way, doesn’t she? This testimony is just so real and raw and speaks for many of us ‘let downs’ everywhere. God’s GRACE be with you, Kristina!!! XOXO
Salty, you got me right in the Feels there! I <3 you big 🙂