We hurried through the hallway around the corridor toward the auditorium doors. Entering in the over-crowded venue, we scanned the large landscape for any open seats. I couldn’t believe how packed it was. I wasn’t expecting this, but our school district has three huge public high schools, so why wouldn’t it be? My daughter spotted a few of her close friends sitting up front waving her over, so we rushed down to grab the seats before the presentation began.
As I turned to take off my coat, I was surprised to see an old friend and neighbor in the row behind us. We began the conversation most people do when they haven’t seen one another in years. Then she pointed to her son sitting down the row with his friends.
I froze in shock as I stared into a young man’s eyes of the boy I once knew.
I remembered that precious smile, those adorable dimples, and his bright eyes. I flipped my hands in the air, mouthing “NO WAY!” with a dramatic flair only a middle-aged mom can display, surely making a small scene. I darted my eyes back to his mom, with the same expression, exclaiming the same thing. She nodded with an affirming smile, “I know, right?”
As the lecture began, I kept looking back at him. The poor kid seemed uncomfortable with my stares. I was in awe of this gorgeous young man and struck by the tenacity of time.
I glanced at my girl, sitting right beside me. Then back at my friend’s son.
They’ve grown so much since then.
I kept shaking my head, trying to process just what was unfolding before my eyes as the memories flooded in, and the reality broke open a well of emotion I couldn’t control. I flashed back through the years that brought us to this moment, recalling our kids swinging outside on the swing set, splashing around in the blow up pool, and playing all the childhood games with the joy and innocence of being little.
We lived on the end of a cul-de-sac, where our favorite pastime was meeting outside to let the kids run wild in the safety of our sweet little circle of back yards and front lawns, of cleared pavement free of cars and pedestrians. It couldn’t be more perfect. We would stay outside and supervise our kids for hours while we talked about everything under the sun.
It was so good to see my dear friend and to share in this big moment of motherhood together. Who would have thought we would meet in a crowded auditorium filled with hundreds of people? It was this surreal serendipity that catapulted me from dismissive denial into the hard truth of reality.
My girl, this babe of mine, is entering High School.
I still can’t grasp it all. I wonder if I ever will.
This assembly was the first formal introduction into High School, filled with curriculum options and teen testimonies- all of which became a muffled blur as my mind swirled with this numbing idea that my girl would soon set sail into the waves of these deep new waters.
A vast and sometimes vicious sea, filled with opportunities that could either steer her ship successfully toward a destination of purpose- or suck her under the surf, dragging her through dangerous riptides and crashing currents of peer pressure, bad choices, and drowning influences.
Either can happen.
I know.
I’ve worked with teenagers for over 30 years and I have been witness to both voyages out to sea. I’ve watched kids drown with the desperate attempts to survive the raging waters that flooded their world. I’ve also seen kids sail with clear direction, charging through the forceful under-currents with confidence and courage to steer the course straight. And I’ve learned that no matter how equipped the ship might be for its journey, there are always unpredictable risks and uncontrollable forecasts that can be damaging and destructive to the vessel’s survival. Some storms can take down the strongest craft ever made.
High School is the entrance into new, unprotected, uncharted territory- filled with unknown doors to open and foreign halls to navigate. I’ve seen kids manage it with wisdom and maturity, taking cautious steps around dangerous turns and embracing the benefit of academic growth while nourishing lasting friendships along the way. I’ve also counseled countless kids who were vulnerable and victimized by the forces of drugs, sex, bullying and more.
I’ve since learned that being a great parent and teaching your kid the skills to navigate this new expanding landscape, are only part of what dictates their success. I know many wonderful parents whose children still struggled and slipped into the broken cracks this new ground can create.
It’s a gamble.
As life often is.
I look at my daughter once more, as she takes notes and listens intently while looking up at the projector screen. She’s made it through Middle School, steering clear of those dangerous options so far. She’s managed to keep her footing on solid ground.
Middle school is good training for High School. Just the other day, she and her friend casually claimed some of the kids in school are drug dealers.
“Are you kidding me? In middle school?” I exclaimed with utter disgust.
Although, I wasn’t as surprised as I should have been. I’ve heard worse. But what really upset me, was this unfolding realization that my daughter is constantly being introduced to the ugly side of humanity, offering her ample opportunity to make hard decisions. She will continue to be exposed to the dangerous choices that are at her finger tips every single day- And I worry if the riptide will ever be stronger than her convictions.
The audience clapped while people rose from their seats, and as I turned to grab my coat, I looked back at my friend.
We nodded to one another, as I glanced over to her son one more time and back at her. Shaking my head with a smile…
“Here we go!”
She nodded and smiled in solidarity.
We both understand the deeply rooted emotion that lies behind our casual encounter. It’s one of uncertainty and excitement, apprehension and fear. Soon we will enter a new threshold of motherhood, so far from where we once were.
We are about to watch our kids set sail on the wavering water, as we stand on the dock, unable to embark on their journey and steer the ship for them.
It will be a slow and difficult passing of the helm.
This is the intersection between holding on and letting go.
And letting go is never easy, but always necessary.
We can only pray we’ve trained our Captains well enough to navigate the sea with their own emerging compass.
The forecast looks good, but you just never know.
We’ll keep the lighthouse flashing, so they can always find their way home in any storm.
Aw, I still have a few years for this myself with my girls, but still cannot believe how fast the years have gone by so far. Pretty sure I will blink and high school will be here before we know it, too!!
RIGHT? I blinked Janine… and here I am. Sigh… It’s amazing how fast it all goes. And I hear that high school years are the FASTEST. Oh dear.
Ahhh, I love this post so much, Chris! Your comparison to a ship at sea is perfection. You know, my kids are in their 20’s now and I still feel I have this dilemma of holding on. I’m learning when to let go but it’s never easy. One thing that really bothers me is when people assume that a troubled teen must come from a ‘troubled’ or bad home. This is not true and you’ve definitely clarified that stereotype here.
It bothers me TOO, Lisa! Our kids make decisions on their own- we can do our best to prepare them and nurture them, but their choices are ultimately theirs- not ours. I think I will still struggle with letting go when my kids are your age too. <3
Sniffle. Pass the kleenex.
Sorry- I’m all out. Used them all here. lol <3
Oh wow, what a big milestone! I can only imagine what this transition must be like as a parent. I am just starting the venture into school this fall, but starting preschool is so different. Eve is still so young and innocent and protected. I’m sure as she gets older she will have to navigate so much of what your daughter has already gone through in her young life — but it sounds like she has a very strong head on her shoulders. Hoping for a smooth transition for her and you! <3
Bev, I remember that initial ‘letting go’ with my kids and every season of parenting our kiddos is equally challenging and emotional! I am hoping for a smooth transition with sweet Eve too, my friend! XO
I love all your metaphors used here – they are really true too! I remember that first high school meeting with my oldest son (the one who is about to graduate high school) and the one thing I remember being emphasized at that meeting is how fast the four (or five in our case :)) years will go…very true. And next year, I’ll be at that intro to high school meeting with my youngest dude…wow, how did that happen? Anyway, enjoy the ride Chris. I can tell what an amazing foundation you have laid for her and even though you are at that “intersection,” she is ready for a little of that letting go…I think it’s always harder for us than for our kiddos!
Thanks so much for your confidence, Emily! I have heard from SO many friends that the high school years go fastest out of all of them. Oh my…
Oh my gosh Christine, my I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes..not only is your writing so captivating always, but you lead us right into the heartache of teenhood, of the perils of high school you describe so honestly–rose colored glasses are dangerous when it comes to high school. Having just gone through those perilous years, everything you say is so true..no guarantee, yes “High School is the entrance into new, unprotected, uncharted territory- filled with unknown doors to open and foreign halls to navigate”.. yes and drug dealers and tons of peer pressure. In so many ways it’s insanity..but the firm ground you stand in God on as a parent is what makes the difference in steering them (constantly), setting firm , loving boundaries, and being someone they feel they can come to anytime as you walk on the balance beam between availability and their need for privacy! I really do feel your concern in this transition, but know you are amazing parents and your daughter has a very strong moral foundation within her already thanks to all your beautiful guidance. Prayer is a powerful force, too..
I want to print out your comment and frame it, Kathy. I’ve read it three times already and I am soaking in every beautiful, encouraging, wise word you shared. I’m so grateful for you, my friend. XOXO
The high school transition is so so hard. I was wigged out at orientation for Hunter. I had so many flashbacks to when I was in highschool school. And next year, he’s a Junior. The next transition I am not ready for????.
It’s terrifying! And everyone says the high school years go FAST. I’m guessing you can attest to this truth. Good Lord make time STOP!
You’ve summed up this piece so wonderfully Christine! Yes, it is letting go, but it is also still having a light of navigation for realignment, comfort, and direction that is always on. I made it through the teen years, and in another season, yet could still so resonate with your moments at the graduation. I see my grand daughter leaving her elementary school years behind this year, and want to hold on to this time longer!
Your grand daughter is the same age as my boy! He is entering Middle School next year… I’m experiencing a double whammy this year. Oh my…
I love how you put that Lynn:
“Yes, it is letting go, but it is also still having a light of navigation for realignment, comfort, and direction that is always on.” <-- BEAUTIFULLY said.
Yup. Here we go, Chris! I was grateful my school district had all the orientations for high school back in February. It was less emotional for me in the middle of the year for some reason.
It probably didn’t seem as real back then, ya know? Has it hit yet? It’s hitting me HARD!
I’m right there with you, Christine, with my 2nd one starting high school this fall in a building that seems as big as a university and swarming with 3,500 students. I’m comforted by the knowledge that I had the same anxiety with my first and she transitioned with grace, preserving who she is and where she came from, but even so, I worry. I’m worrying about different kinds of things with him than I did with my daughter. They couldn’t be more different from one another, so it kind of feels like navigating my way through the wild for the first time again. Cassie sounds so grounded and so much like her beautiful mama, that I know she not only has got this, but she’s also going to rock it!
OH Julie, reading your journey with both your very different kids makes me think of MINE! I know when Cade starts high school, I’ll feel very differently with different worries all their own- I’m now experiencing similar emotions with him starting middle school!
These stepping stones sometimes feel like slippery rocks in a raging river, don’t they?
Oh my, it just can’t be! She’s still a little kid who barfs on rides! I swear it!
I’m terrified of having middle schoolers and high schoolers. I can’t bear it. I need to have/adopt seven more babies first.
Well, you’ll find comfort in knowing she still barfs on rides from time to time. LOL
I was JUST like you T- I promise you’ll be ready when the time comes… and SO WILL YOUR BABIES!
Hi Chris! It is amazing how our children grow, so slowly day to day, and suddenly we notice with a start that they are actually becoming people!
At this time of graduations and new beginnings, I know there are many tears, prayers and pride in who are children are and who they are becoming. May God bless each and every one of them, and the parents and families who loved them to where they are right now. And will love them through to the next adventure too. “Here we go!” And it’s only the beginning…
Blessings,
Ceil
Aw thank you so much for that beautiful response Ceil. What an encouragement it was for me to read it. <3
Wow Chris! Your little girl is not so little now. But I think you’re right: “We can only pray we’ve trained our Captains well enough to navigate the sea with their own emerging compass.” You’ve done your part, and from all that I’ve read and seen from you, she will not only survive but thrive in high school. Tight hugs, Ali
Aw thank you so much for the vote of confidence, Alison! XO
Oh wow. This was so good! I can’t believe it! Highschool?! Where has the time gone my friend?
You described this process of holding on and letting go so well. I hope I can have as much grace when my turn comes around.
Thank-you for sharing.
xoxo
I feel like I’m just at the starting gate with both my kids, Jennifer! Praying for grace and guidance every day… <3
Oh, Chris – this speaks to me. I remember the feelings you are describing, but then high school becomes the norm and college is the new horizon. Time passes without our permission, doesn’t it? You and your girl are going to be fine, and even when you let go, she will know that your hand is still there, reaching out when she needs it.
I know you have lived this, Dana… and I’ve been told many times that the high school years is when time REALLY speeds up… sigh. I’m guessing you would agree.
Thanks for your encouragement, my friend. <3
What a wonderful post Chris! I can only imagine how you feel about this big step, for your daughter and you, as parent. Time is going so fast.
“We’ll keep the lighthouse flashing, so they can always find their way home in any storm.” I LOVE this. It’s the only thing we can do. Letting go must be so hard but yet always necessary as you say.
I am sure your daughter knows that you and her dad will always be there in case she needs any advice or help in this brand new adventure.
Sending you Peace and Light from France.
Thank you so much for your beautiful encouragement, sweet friend. It’s amazing that we are here- at this turn, so soon. She’s ready. I believe in her. I’ll always be afraid. But with every new season comes fear and surrender… It just seems each transition gets bigger and bolder. But so does my girl- And, so do I really too. It’s amazing how growth occurs in perfect time. 🙂
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, friend. I have faith in your girl to navigate high school and I know that you will help guide her (the lighthouse imagery really struck me, too). I can’t believe there are drug dealers in middle school. Oh, wait, yes I can. How scary though. The things our kids face… good thing we’re strong mamas! <3
It’s mind blowing to me what is going on with our kids these days… (Omg I sound so old)
It’s a good thing we have strong kiddos too! <3
Well said! It embodies the essence of how I feel right now. Bittersweet times!
Thanks Melanie! Yes… so very bittersweet. <3 I think we will be in this season for a while. It's so hard, and yet so beautiful. 🙂
This – “this surreal serendipity that catapulted me from dismissive denial into the hard truth of reality.” Gulp. I’m sitting in the dentist office waiting on Christopher to get his teeth cleaned. I sorta experienced this this morning as soon as I walked in the freshman orientation. I don’t know if you saw the comment back to my mom on Facebook about remembering one of the seniors when he was little. Waaaaaah. I was there to keep it together for ONE thing but it was that one other thing that catapulted me. I’m not done reading this yet because my eyes welled up over that one line. So I’ll finished later today when I can cry all I want. Thank you for sharing this with me. P.S. I have one of those headaches you get when you’ve held your cry in all day. ❤️
OH my gosh, bless your mama heart, Kenya!! I remember how hard it was when Cass started high school. SUCH an emotional time! I love that you *started* to read this. Christopher is growing up so fast and he is just such an incredible young man. I know you are so proud of him and love him so much. Hold on, girl. You can DO THIS! XOXO
Loved it! Thank you for passing on some wisdom and courage.