This is the season for letting go, as countless mothers are sending their beloved children off to school. Whether it’s kindergarten, grade school, middle school, high school or college…
It’s never easy.
I have endured and embraced this fine art of letting go… endured the anxious peeling off of my grip on control and embracing the independence of both my kids. It’s profoundly bittersweet, yes?
On one hand, we watch them as they step forward into the unknown with all that they are and all they will become. On the other hand? We fear that neither will be enough. I believe I speak for all mothers when I say that my greatest fear is my children’s spirit being broken, crushed in some way.
I can handle the throws of academic challenges, the friendships falls and the navigating of schedules and timelines and responsibilities. But what rocks me to my core is the idea of something happening to my kids that forever taints or cracks or shatters the window from which they view the world.
This is what I fear most.
It happens.
There are bullies, and bad teachers and unsupervised areas of their life without us that can have a profound impact on their hearts, their perspective. Those are the moments I desperately pray for protection on their impressionable souls. And it seems the older they get, the more dangerous those damaging dark spots can become.
I am walking the road of middle school this year, as many of you know through my recent post; “Middle School: The Devil’s Playground”. It’s so very fascinating to me how our parenting journey shifts and changes through the years. I have read many posts about first days of school, for sweet kindergarteners and grade schoolers, and I sigh that heavy sigh of reflection.
Things are different now.
When I drop my daughter off to school every morning, I see the masses of older kids flooding the front of the school and it paralyzes me with fear every time. I see the cliques and groups that seem threatening and dangerous. I feel uneasy and uncomfortable looking at them, because in my heart? I’m still the mom of a grade school girl. This atmosphere is terrifying to me. I tighten my heart and hold my breath every single morning I let my baby girl go…
She walks with her backpack and ponytail through the crowd all alone, and I keep my eyes on her as she works her way through the 7th and 8th graders that seem to dominate the school. Through my own eyes, the landscape is haunting and daunting and I feel like an awkward, intimidated kid tormented in my own 47-year old body.
My middle school was small and quite safe and lovely.
This school is large and kids are bused in from everywhere. This is so very, very different. Its diversity and multifaceted pockets of the unknown truly reflect the world.
My girl walks into it every day.
And I drive away… letting her go.
And?
Holding on.
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Today I am over at 1Corinthians13 Parenting sharing more about this experience and how I grapple with letting go through the power of prayer and the fortitude of faith. I can’t think of any other way to let go, as this is how I hold on. Come read more here, and let me know how you let go and hold on.
It’s so hard to let them go, isn’t it? We have to… but sometimes I just want to scoop them up and keep them with me.
Yep. Me too Shell. But then after about an hour, I would be all “Why don’t you get your butt BACK to school, cause you are DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!” LOL
Thankfully, the middle school letting go isn’t something I have to do. Our school goes from k-8th, where the 8th graders still walk in straight(ish) lines. They call it middle school, but it’s only down the hall from the previous year’s classrooms.
I’d be feeling the same way you are now if I were in your shoes.
Fortunately, she looks happy to be there. That’s a blessing right there.
Mine did the SAME THING Christine!!! No transitions at all until High School. (And that sucked btw)
This is just huge. I feel like it IS High School. It LOOKS like it anyway. Ugh. But she has not problem walking into that crowd like I would. Oh how I love that. 🙂
My girls are still young, but walking away is never easy and Emma doesn’t even look back when she goes on the bus now. She just keeps walking and can’t wait to go, but still I am missing her terribly as soon as she does enter that bus until she steps off of it in the afternoon. Crazy as it sounds, but still Letting Go is definitely a mom challenge here, too.
Oh Janine- I remember those days of letting go too and they were NOT easy at all!!! I just love that Emma is so excited about going to school and so comfortably separates from you. THAT is huge!!! What a strong and courageous spirit she has. I call you BLESSED mama!!! 🙂
Letting go is so very hard with our kids. I fear the same things. I see G getting older and how the kids change. All we can do is have faith that we are teaching them how to cope in all the craziness. And that they know they always have us when they come home. 🙂
You know I read in some book that the best thing we can do for our kids is create a family where they BELONG. This is the core issue for many kids who make bad decisions because they don’t have a ‘place’ in their world to belong! I am constantly striving for that ever since I read it.
Makes perfect sense!!!
(Ended up on the couch watching “24” with Derek last night. We have two more episodes to go. He’s ADAMANT about watching it until we’re through it. Will keep trying!! Feel just awful about it. Ugh. Any time tomorrow? Text me!!)
You have such a beautiful way with words!!!
I know it is hard to let her go but that smile on your sweet girl’s face is incredible!!!
I feel a little tightness in my chest every single morning when my boys walk into the huge middle and high schools but I know it is good. (I can’t imagine letting them leave for a semester).
Oh gosh Kim- lets not even go THERE, okay? Well, you will be going there sooner than I- so I will learn from you okay? Sounds good to me!! lol
I have been wanting to ask you about being fb friends forEVER! Do you use your personal page at all for blog stuff? I would LOVE to be fb friends!! Let me know or friend me!! 🙂
I love this picture of your daughter. And I need this post. I am a mess with Kindergarten’s start, but really…it all comes down to letting go. Making this my prayer and thank you.
Remember honey… God loves her more than you do. And each stage and step forward takes a bit of our hearts and guess where it goes? Off with our precious child, into the world. They have that piece of our hearts to hold when we are not with them. Fill your anxious heart with prayer and remember that each time you have to let go? They get to take another piece of you with them. At least that’s how I look at it. XOXO
That young lady’s face looks like she’s doing OK so far! How freaking adorable is she???
Kidzilla has gotten off to a good start in first grade and she tells me that she doesn’t miss me because she’s having so much fun and that school is way more fun than home. (sniff) But she explains that home is fun, but a different kind of fun.
I hate it.
But I love it. Because you know what? If she loves it, that makes me feel SO much better. If she were hating it, I’d have to wonder why because that’s never good.
Little blessings, right?
AW!! I love that Kidzilla is LOVING SCHOOL!! I think first grade is a huge big change from kindergarten and it’s just perfect that she doesn’t ‘miss you’. There’s something to be said about your girl’s confidence and security in letting go of you and embracing her own independence in a place away from you- that speaks VOLUMES to your parenting! And it certainly reflects the strong and contented spirit that sweetie must have…
I call that many HUGE BLESSINGS!! 🙂 XOXO
After just over a full week, I can see that first grade is much different form Kindergarten. Wow! Met the teacher already and she seems like a very good fit – I was very impressed at parent night.
You are so right that her confidence and independence is a good thing – honestly, who wouldn’t want that for their daughter? For any child? To say Kidzilla has a strong spirit…well, that’s an understatement. LOL 😀
Still…could she miss me just a little??? Seriously, though, she is thrilled to death to see me at the end of the day and that’s awesome.
Oh I can GUARANTEE that your girl misses you, Lisa!!! She is simply celebrating her big BIG life leap into independence!! 🙂
You are one blessed mama to have the best of BOTH worlds!!
Such a cute pic of your girl. It is hard to let go…but as they move to another stage it’s something new to enjoy and hold onto…at least for awhile.
Truth Andrea. It is something new and exciting to enjoy! Oh there is something really exciting about this new season of ‘growing up’ that I am still stumbling on. All the little things- like she doesn’t even need a note to go home with a friend? Really? No one supervises them any more… that’s just one insight from this morning alone! I think my girl needs a phone. Next step in this massive overwhelming new stage!
She is so precious! Love the picture of your beautiful, smiling daughter. She looks peaceful, confident, and joyous so I think she must be doing pretty good :). I completely understand about letting go, my friend. Sometimes it seems like it’s not getting any easier, even when they reach adulthood.
I never thought about Fall, as school starts, as a season of letting go, but you are so right! Between the kids going out on their own to school and the trees letting go of their leaves, it really is.
She is all of those beautiful things, Candace. And I just pray constantly that no one steals them from her!! I may need your encouragement and advice as we go down this middle school road!
Yes- trees letting go to their leaves. Love that. Oh- and LOVE your tattoos!!! (Now I want to do that with my daughter!!) 🙂
I will definitely help you through it, my friend. Middle School and the tattoos ;)!
I’m not quite there yet, the boys are still so young. They’re in preschool and pre-K and I had very little problem letting the go at the time (though day 1 was hard). But I know how much they love it, so it makes it easier (plus, half day!).
But yes, middle school, high school etc. Ack. I don’t know, I might be in pieces then.
Just hold on to your precious season of little ones, my friend!! You are blessed with two beautiful boys and TWO more little ones SOON!!! No need for you to even ‘think’ of middle school. I believe you have quite enough to think about. 🙂 When they get to middle school age, call me. I will have lived through it and maybe, just maybe I’ll have some good advice. I don’t know. Will see!!!
And nothing ever prepares you for it, right? There are times when I just want to keep my kids in the house and shelter them from all the bad things but then I tell myself that if I hold on too tight, it means I do not trust them to make it on their own. It’s hard but we try. 🙂
Oh so true Jhanis! That was one of my biggest pieces in making the decision to send her to school instead of home school her. I realized, “She can handle this…she always has up until now, so why not give her a chance?” So far, my girl is making good decisions, and I will keep praying that this continues!!
And here I stand, destroyed by mere kindergarten. Although the fifth graders look HUGE to me in comparison, they also still look full-spirited, kind and innocent.
Middle school scares the heck out of me. It almost broke my spirit. Only almost, though.
She is made of the best stuff on earth! (more than Oreos, or whatever product uses that tagline)
Fifth graders starting their year ARE innocent and full of life!! The erosion begins toward the end of that year… and they still start 6th grade with flickers of that innocence and zest!! But you see it festering underneath the looks and nervous attempts to be cool and older than they are.
I’ll keep you updated so about 6 years from now, you will know!!
I despise letting go)))) It feels like a small death every. single. time.
Lovely photo! xxx Kiss from here.
Bless your heart Kim…
I can only imagine what letting go means to you. How every time you have to let go, shadows always appear… with the darkness of death.
Sigh…
Man, oh man, did you nail it here. Both of us are in the middle school trenches with our girls so we so totally appreciate this post. It is SUCH a tricky time in their lives, even under the best of circumstances. And being the mom in it is HARD work. Glad we are all going through it together!-The Dose Girls
Here’s to our ‘new year’ with our girls! It’s a jungle out there… so we’ll take one faithful step at a time. 🙂 There is comfort in knowing you girls are in this season with me! We can surely help each other through it!!! XOXO
Yes, my greatest fear for my son really is his spirit getting crushed, though I don’t think I realized it until you articulated it so beautifully. Even as a toddler he has a zest for life I never want to see him lose!
We can pray together for our children, Katie!! XOXO
Hi Chris! I can totally relate to your feelings here. When I would drop off my kids, I always wanted to park and follow them in with a baseball bat in hand. That way, everyone leaves them alone.
It’s so hard to watch them go, but of course, they have to, and most of the time, they really want to. Naturally I am projecting my own fears on the situation, while they have a totally different view. (How my kids made it with me as their mother I’ll never know.)
Moms have fierce love for their kids. It’s a good thing.
Blessings,
Ceil
Oh Ceil, you and me BOTH sister!!! I love how you said that- our kids have a much better perspective than we do… they able and willing to set their first steps in their new season and surrounding and we really must allow them to GO!! (But I will surely bring a bat and hide it in my car, just in case!! lol)
Middle school is rough–I remember being terrified when my first one went. Just be sure to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter and make sure she is happy there. I’m betting she will find her own tribe of friends and do quite well because she has an awesome mom guiding her through it all.
AW! Thanks so much for your encouragement Marcia! I pray she can find her own tribe… and I will work tirelessly to keep the lines of communication open!!
My heart goes out to you. I’m really not looking forward to these years. I recently heard an interview w/ a middle school teacher saying that kids would do better to just spend those years on a farm, learning through work and life lessons. Kinda sounds like a good idea to me 😉
My kids would LOVE to spend these years on a farm!!! Oh, how I dream of that scenario now…
I have been thinking about this a lot and wondering if our own school experiences may colour how we handle our children’s. I loved school! I loved learning, I played sports, I did theatre, and due to that had a wide range of friends. It was very positive for me. So I didn’t have the same worries, anxieties and fears as say my husband who experienced some bullying and very much was a loner. Out of our 3 children: we have 3 different attitudes towards school. One daughter like me who can’t wait to get there, our some a panicked mess most days, and the littlest one… well, I think she just like the bus ride the most at this point. It’s funny to me that even though my spouse and I have tried not to put our own mark of experience on them; they seem to be divided down the middle anyway. curious.
Love your insight and your observation Leslie!! I think somehow parents tend to have this unintentional ‘coloring’ that tends to sprinkle on our kids. I JUST was asking my husband if Cade wants to play football because Cade senses my husband’s passion for it, or does he REALLY have his own passion for it.
I don’t think we can get away from it… but lets hope that our experiences ultimately help our children to navigate their own journey through all of their stages and phases of life!
I thought it would get easier and, in a way, it has. But I dropped my girl off at a drop off birthday party yesterday (these are new to us still) and it was still so hard.
I know! I still have anxiety over dropping my daughter off anywhere, and she is in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I’m not sure that every goes away…
Sigh.