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Love The One You’re With

November 25, 2014 By momcafe 53 Comments

Sometimes when you are exhausted and think you are simply too worn to do much else, life takes a twisted turn off the cliff of predictable and pushes you to an entirely new level of survival. Things shift and priorities plunge into ‘crisis’ mode, where minute-by-minute you try to breathe, decide on what next, and do it.

It happens.

This is where I am.

Just in time for the Holiday.

Life.

It can relentlessly leave you in the wake of sudden blows causing crashing crumbling pieces to flood your days and nights, as you attempt to wade through the wreckage and figure out what the hell to do with it all.

I won’t publish what is going on, out of respect for my family. I’m sorry to leave you questioning, but I know you will understand that it’s not my story to tell. I am only a mere part of it and not the main character, to which this traumatic tale would reveal. So I simply ask for your prayers, for strength and endurance. For peace amidst this mess.

I am taking this one hour to pray and write, and then I probably won’t be back for a while. It just depends on~

Life.

I know I will climb my way back up onto the mountaintop, once the abyss has been filled.  But for now, I dangle with a grasp quite weak. Both physically and mentally and emotionally…

But not spiritually.

Oh no…

I cling to my Light Post in the darkness, and wrap my arms tightly around His unwavering strength and unmoving love. Even when I am sobbing and angry and hate every bit of what life throws at me, I am blessed beyond measure with a bounty of wealth and riches in love.

My fortress of faith was built long ago. And my beloved husband and children are my sanctuary. My precious friends are holding me up and my God will carry me through.

I was going to write a post for Thanksgiving titled: “Love The One You’re With.”

I thought it would be fitting for so many of us Americans who celebrate this Holiday with family members, some of which may not be our ‘first choice’ on the list of favorites. (Didn’t I say that nicely?)

With that said, as you go about your travels and hosting and all the festivities with those you love and those you might care to seat out in the cold dark patio in the sub-temperatures for your beautiful Thanksgiving meal…

I have a little thing I do with my kids that might help.

Cassidy is 11 and Cade is 8. They fight like crazy these days. And as many siblings do, they also laugh uncontrollably together and end up in the same bed every single night because they simply are a comfort to each other when the day is done- and all the fighting and laughing has finished its course.

Cassidy isn’t into hugging or showing any affection to her brother at this point. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for Cade. He’s a lover by nature, always needing an embrace and will do just about anything to get it. Cade feels neglected by his sister, and his sister thinks he is needy and annoying. It’s been an ongoing ‘not so pretty’ intervention in our home trying to get these two to compromise.

One day, I had had enough. Cade just wanted a hug from Cassidy and was elevating his whining pitch to meet the yelling revolt of his sister.

I said “ENOUGH!! From this day forward, Cassidy you will hold your brother for a full MINUTE every single day until you move out of this house!”

That was weeks ago. Cade makes sure we are fulfilling this command. I time it. She hates it. He loves it.

Sometimes?

You have to simply make yourself love the one you’re with. Force yourself to hold them, even when you clearly have no desire. Embrace them, even when they chomp on every nerve buzzing through your seething bits.

So this is MY challenge and perhaps? Yours.

This Holiday…

That family member you would prefer never came? That one individual who triggers twitches and needless woes?

Hold them.

Be ‘that person’, who gives more than you thought you could ever give. Who loves, more than you thought you could love. There is a reason for every person in your life, and mine. Make it matter. Give it purpose. Draw from the Light Post you cling to…

And love the one you’re with.

Love The One You're With

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this season of Gratitude, may you find Grace.

Author Signature

Filed Under: Encouragement in Faith, Encouragement in Family, Encouragement in Words Tagged With: crisis, Encouragement in Family, Grace in love, Holidays. Love the one you're with

Comments

  1. another jennifer says

    November 25, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Love it. Love the face on Cassidy. And I love you, Chris. xoxoxo

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      And I love you, Jennifer. SO much. (Praying Biz is okay…?) Cass home sick still here… 🙁

      Reply
  2. Janine Huldie says

    November 25, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    Aww, Chris I am not sure what is going on and will totally respect your privacy, but if you do feel you want to talk or just need someone to listen, know you can message me and would be more then happy to just be there if you are need. Thinking of you now more then ever and sending tons of hugs from me to you, too.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Oh Janine- you are SUCH a love. Thank you so much for your precious support always. I soak in your prayers and hugs and I am comforted by knowing you are there for me. <3

      Reply
  3. Sarah says

    November 25, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    OK, that picture. Is Absolutely Wonderful.
    But, I am thinking of you, and I will be thinking of you and holding you in my heart this holiday. Take care of yourself and report back when you can.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Thank you SO much for your precious support Sarah… I am surely not through it all yet, but trying to function as best I can and heal as best I can. Praying for Peace to win this war.

      Reply
  4. Stephanie says

    November 25, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    First of all…that pic is hilarious. That look on Cass’s face is absolutely priceless.
    Secondly, I don’t think I’m at a point in my life where I can do that for “that” person. Its horribly selfish, I know, but just thinking about this person puts my stomach in knots. A phone call, patiently listening to their ridiculous rants, is the best I can do right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a place where I can do more. Only God and time will tell.
    Thirdly, virtual hugs to you. I would totally hold you for 1 whole minute if I could. This (whatever “this” is ) too shall pass.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      Ah, yes sweet friend. Distance is healthy- when the person is UNhealthy. I believe sometimes God shows His Grace on those decisions, because He doesn’t want His children hurting or hurt by others. I have made a difficult life decision this week, and as hard as it is- I believe I am doing the right thing. Sometimes, it just has to be.

      Reply
  5. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    November 25, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    I love that picture! I cannot imagine making my two older embrace of a full minute – my oldest would honestly rather die. Sending you thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs. Your faith is incredible and I hope everything works out.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      Thank you so much Lisa… your support means the world to me. And yes- that picture perfectly reflects the relationship to a TEE! 🙂

      Reply
  6. Considerer says

    November 25, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    Oh my gosh, if anyone had made me do that with my sister when we were younger they would have been looking at the wrong end of eighteen-thousand conniption fits! You’re lucky she has a good heart in the end!

    I was going to say that the only member of my ‘family’ (because he’s very firmly ‘ex’) is one who even the police don’t want to tangle with, and I would NOT be up for in any way ‘holding’ him. But I’m also reminded I haven’t spoken to my Dad since summer, so perhaps I should make the effort there, even though he hasn’t either.

    *sigh*

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Kitty. And good for you for turning this into a lesson for us. Hang on in there.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Thank you for always being my source of comfort and strength when I need it MOST, Tigger. Oh, how blessed I am to have you in my life. <3

      Reply
      • Considerer says

        December 1, 2014 at 5:53 pm

        I do what little I can, Kitty. I thunk of you today and sent prayers. I wish so much that things were different, and easier for you at the moment. I hope, hope, hope that there are silver linings to this, and Good to come from all the awful *sigh*

        Send my love to Cass <3

        Can't wait til I'm there. I'm gonna hug you SO tight.

        Reply
  7. Alison says

    November 25, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    Love your message, Chris, and you. Whatever you and your family are going through, I hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Thanks so much Alison… I am praying for peace. It’s been an emotional week.

      Reply
  8. Marcia says

    November 25, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    Honey love this post! Says it all! I feel your pain and pray that God continues to bless you with a strong faith to weather those storms in your life… Love you! (and love the picture of Cass and Cade — those expressions are precious!)

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      Thanks babe. I love you and I am so grateful for you!

      Reply
  9. Courtney says

    November 26, 2014 at 4:15 am

    That pic is a framer! And I hope your storm runs out of rain quickly…

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      Thank you Courtney. I do too… <3

      Reply
  10. christine says

    November 26, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Have mercy, that photo is fantastic!
    Funny I should read this today.
    My daughter is in the middle of classes preparing for Confirmation, and I am one of the leaders. This week’s topic was relationships. There were so many wonderful points brought up in the material. Two really stick out, and your post couldn’t be a better example.
    1. Each relationship we have needs a purpose, and that purpose should be for each person to help the other become the best version of herself.
    2. Love is a choice. Even when you aren’t feeling all warm and fuzzy about someone, you should still show love. You should still do the things that let the other person know she is loved.

    Even if it means hugging a little brother for a minute each day.

    🙂

    I’ll pray for you and your family as you work your way through this difficult time.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Oh how perfect your material fits with THIS!! I’m so glad you came by to share it, Christine! Thank you for your prayers, my friend. I need them.

      Reply
  11. Ceil says

    November 26, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    Hi Chris! Oh my, I am so sorry for your troubles. We all move through seasons of highs…and then those lows come. Ugh. I will keep you in my prayers as you deal with your life challenges. My heart is with you!

    You described your children perfectly. Photos don’t lie, and that photo absolutely mirrors your words. What a wonderful mom you are. Your children are so blessed, whether they know it or not.

    May God bless your table with his love, peace and union with family and friends. Yes, we will be ‘that person’ together.
    Hugs,
    Ceil

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      Thank you for your sweet encouragement Ceil… I am so grateful for you! It’s been a very emotional week.

      Reply
  12. Tamara says

    November 26, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    Aww! That photo! And yes, you can see him getting lost in it and her waiting for it to be over.
    It won’t always be that way.
    I think I’ll take on your challenge, my sweet.
    Thinking of you always.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      That photo truly reflects their relationship right now- aside from the laughter and bed sharing- and adorable friendship they do share too. <3 I'm so glad I caught them in this moment- priceless!

      Reply
  13. Diana says

    November 27, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Despite everything going on, I’m so grateful you were able to post this Chris! A good Thanksgiving message and I love your creative, inspired parenting. I laugh every time I see this picture of Cass & Cade! It is priceless! Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      Thank you so much for everything you have been in my life… my anchor, my sounding board, my rock, my comfort. God blessed me with your friendship, Diana. I am so grateful for you!

      Reply
  14. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    November 28, 2014 at 3:41 am

    That photo is hilarious!

    My friend, I wish I could have you over for a hot beverage, a big hug, and prayer.

    I hope things improve for you. I’ll hold you up in prayer.

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    xoxo

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      Oh, how I wish I could come over for a hot beverage and a big hug and prayer. I would be a sobbing mess though- be warned! <3 I have a feeling that you would be a great comfort to me, Jennifer. I love your heart, my friend. You bless me.

      Reply
  15. Jhanis says

    November 28, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Aaww. Love the hug rule! And love the message of this post! Yes, there are people in our lives who we wish weren’t part of it, guilty as charged.
    I do hope that the storm clears up soon enough and I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration. Take care Chris!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Thanks so much Jhanis… <3

      Reply
  16. Bev says

    November 28, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Oh, that look on her face is priceless! And he just looks so content. I’m sure one day she will appreciate holding on tight to her brother and he won’t.
    Hoping for all the best to you and your family…big virtual hugs!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      Thanks so much Bev! I rarely catch the perfect moment, but this time I think I did!

      Thanks for your sweet hug, I feel it. <3

      Reply
  17. Rorybore says

    November 29, 2014 at 4:42 am

    oh her face – it’s so precious. I mean, she doesn’t think so NOW – -but one day, she will see that and realize the precious blessing family is.
    keeping you in my thoughts and prayers 🙂

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      I think this photo is a keeper for SURE. It is perfect reflection of their relationship right now… aside from the laughter and the bed sharing. 🙂 Thank you for your prayers, Leslie. Keep them coming my friend…

      Reply
  18. Andrea says

    November 29, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    So sorry to hear you are struggling. Sending prayers your way.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      Thank you so much Andrea… I do appreciate them. <3

      Reply
  19. Brooke Lynn says

    November 30, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Just after reading this post, I grabbed my hot tea and wandered off to the sun room after a glimpse of the sunrise caught my eye. It was a beautiful bright orange brilliantly glowing that touched my spirit in a special way. This was God’s way of reminding me of His beauty and His perfect peace. It created a sense of reassurance only God can give. It reminded me of Him and that He is the Maker and Creator of all things. It was enough to draw me into His presence and refocus my attention on what truly matters in life and what our hope has to be in. Our hope has to be in our loving God who holds our lives in His hands. Even if it’s just for a moment that we can stop and take a deep breath, even if it’s just for a moment that we can stop and say a quick prayer for help; those moments matter and in those moments, “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:20) My prayer for you Chris, is that you will have those moments today and everyday. Those moments where you can take a deep breath, refocus on God and be ever filled up by His peace that surpasses all understanding and your faith increased beyond your imagination. Thank you for your heart! Thank you for your friendship. Be Blessed in the name of Jesus!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Thank you, you have blessed me SO very much with your gorgeous words and heart my new friend. <3

      Reply
  20. Kim says

    November 30, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    I’m super behind but couldn’t read this and not leave a comment.
    I hope that you are OK and have people surrounding you that can help you through things right now!!!
    Cassidy’s face is priceless in that picture!!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Thanks so much Kim. I hope you had a beautiful Holiday, my friend! XOXO

      Reply
  21. thedoseofreality says

    December 1, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    My sweet Chris, I am thinking of you and hoping that perhaps things are settling down a bit…and if they are not that you know you are surrounded by people who love you, both near and far. And your description of Cassidy and Cade…Emma and Abby to a tee. I think we know what rule will be initiated in this house starting today! Hugs friend!-Ashley

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 1, 2014 at 8:09 pm

      *tears* Thank you Ashley… for your love and support. Rough tough over here. Praying for peace and protection. <3

      Reply
  22. Candace says

    December 4, 2014 at 3:37 am

    Oh Chris! I’m so obsessed with your minute long hug idea! I wish I would have done this with my kids. My daughter is not a hugger, but my son, like yours, desperately craves physical touch. He was always so hurt by her brushing him off. He never understood it just wasn’t her nature. That picture is awesome! It made me smile big :). My daughter moved out this weekend, so I may have to set a rule for her to give him hugs when entering and leaving the house when she visits. It would definitely be more than she does now. Thanks for the great idea! Many prayers for you and your precious loved ones!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 11, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Run with it Candace!!!! I hope your daughter goes with it!! I fear when mine are bigger they will not ‘obey’ as nicely!!! 😉

      Reply
  23. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says

    December 4, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    OH that face! Looks much like the one Kidzilla gives me when she’s displeased with something or other. (And I’m kind of struck by really how similar with the glasses – Kidzilla has them now, too. Such funny girls these are.)

    Anyway, just wanted to tell you I finally caught up on all your last three or four or five posts. I didn’t comment, but I loved every word.

    You absolutely have my love and prayers for whatever is troubling you and your family. And any thing else, just because. XOXOXO

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 11, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      Oh Lisa, thank you SO much for taking the TIME to sift through my posts and catch up, my friend!! Your heart is beautiful and your prayers lift me!! XOXO

      Reply
      • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says

        December 12, 2014 at 4:27 am

        Well, thanks for not minding that I get so freaking behind that I have to catch up! Usually it’s because your posts make me think hard and some nights I just … can’t. 😀

        Reply
        • momcafe says

          January 3, 2015 at 8:17 pm

          You are SO cute!! I get that. I totally do! I’m just so glad my posts make you think hard… oh that’s gold! I swear some of my posts take a LONG time to write, so if I have to think hard, well I do hope somehow they make others think too. 🙂

          Reply
  24. Theres Just One Mommy says

    December 7, 2014 at 12:41 am

    What a great pic!
    I love that you are making sure he gets that physical attention he is craving from his sister.

    I will try to have a more positive attitude about some of those I”m around these holidays…maybe a glass of wine to go with it.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 11, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      I like your plan my friend!!! It’s all about our attitude, although that is a hard terrain for me at times too! Wine… definitely a nice accompaniment to our goal!! 🙂

      Reply
  25. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    December 10, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Oh that picture!! My heart!! Her face! I love every single little pixel in that snapshot!
    Mine were home yesterday because of weather. I gave them one job: Be quiet. They fought, so I made them empty the dishwasher together. They fought on the way to do that, so I made them take out the trash together. They managed to get along the rest of the day!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      December 11, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      BRILLIANT RABIA!!!! I love love love how you dealt with your kiddos!!! I’m totally doing that. 🙂

      Reply

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