For those who have not read my last Devotional, you might want to do that before reading this. Read it here.
I went to the new Doctor yesterday, and found out that it is a tumor that needs to be removed. “Tumor” is such a ugly word, isn’t it? It evokes fear and darkness. I don’t want to evoke or hold on to either. Tumor is defined as basically an abnormal growth of cells that don’t belong. Those are my own words… but I like to always frame it that way.
It’s only the size of a marble… not that big. But apparently that doesn’t matter.
It’s on my Parotid facial gland… not, I repeat NOT Carotid. Funny, I thought the ultra sound tech mumbled Carotid. The doctor and I had a giggle over that BIG difference between one letter. Yup.
Surgery will be “extensive”… due to the location of the tumor. It took about six hours to excavate my woman parts, it will take three to cut out a little marble. Amazing.
I had a needle biopsy to see if it’s malignant or benign. Results to come. My odds are good. 80/20. Lets all root for the 80% shall we?
If this thing is malignant, my new doctor will send me off to the James Cancer Institute. I’ve heard good things…
I had to ask what could have caused it… she said- “Bad luck.” I find that hilarious. Come on! It’s funny!! You have to laugh.
But I wonder if those frightened souls who were given much worse news could laugh at a thing. I wonder a lot about those precious people that had to be told their tumor was much worse- malignant, growing fast, too late. Those broken hearts who walked away dumbfounded to realize their new existence would be consumed with fighting for their lives.
I am deeply aware it could be much worse. And I have a new reality that changes my view, broadens my perspective, and so passionately enriches my prayer life. Because, once again it’s not about me. I could make it that, and sometimes in the quiet moments I do. Sometimes, I dip my toes in that terrifying 20%. When I think about the phone ringing with my doctor at the other end, my entire body trembles. When I imagine the worst, I cry out for my children most of all.
But instead, I find myself thinking about, and praying for all the people who have survived such an ordeal. All those warriors and victors that had to face the climb of their lifetime- and through all odds, make it to the top. Then, I think about those that suffered down the sliding brutal brush of death. I am tormented by the devastation so many have had to face in order to survive, or surrender.
Did they have “bad luck” too? It sounds so trivial, so fleeting, so silly to say that, when faced with life and death. But in it’s carelessness and cleverness… the bold stupidity of that phrase makes it funny.
Perhaps I am the lucky one after all.
I am lucky that it was found. I am lucky for that.
I don’t want to evoke or hold on to – fear and darkness.
So I will hold on to the Heavenly Light of Hope.
God’s got this.
My friend! I’m praying for you. Youll be absolutely fine. By HIS stripes, we are healed. Hugs and good thoughts coming your way. 🙂
Thank you… thank you. XO
Oh Chris. 🙁 We know this must feel so overwhelming to you right now. Please know that we are wrapping you in hugs from afar and wish we were close enough to do it for real. Strong believers in the 80% over here. Love you friend.-The Dose Girls
I love your support, your love, your hearts… thank you from the bottom of mine. xo
{Melinda} Chris … I am just catching up on your blog today. I am so sorry about this news. SO sorry. I hate that you have to go through this, but am comforted knowing that Jesus is right there with you. I don’t understand why things like this have to happen, but please know I am praying for you!! For peace, comfort and that you’ll fall into the 80%. <3 Love you, my friend!!
Thanks Melinda… thank you so much sweet friend. I love you. xo
Oh Chris! I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. you are in the 80%, I’m sure! But I send my love, hugs And prayers for you to have the strength to have faith and stay strong. Xo
Thank you so much Leah. Your precious words and prayers mean so much to me. xo
As usual, your words on a difficult subject are comforting. I’m comforted for you. I think you’re an 80% type of woman. I see that so clearly. I see great things for you. With your children. There are a lot of warriors and victors in this world. And if it should go that way, I have no doubt you’d be one of them.
Your confidence in me and my strength means the world to me Tamara. Thank you sweet friend. xo
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a horrible health scare a couple years ago and spent way more time at the cancer center than I ever have desired. I was so unbelievably lucky in that I ended up not having cancer, but that fear was so intense, I’ll never forget.
You have an amazing approach and attitude and that will only serve you well. You are so strong and I am sending lots of hope, positivity and prayers your way. Lots of luck.
Thank you so much for your sweet supportive thoughts Ashley. You are so kind to share them with me. xo
Chris, oh my goodness. This is so scary. The unknown is the worst. When I read this, I could hear your voice reading this to me! Like you were telling me what’s going on in your life. Please know that I am praying and rooting for you. Big hugs.
Oh Tara!! It means the WORLD to me that you stopped by to encourage me. Thank you so much dear friend. I love you!! xo
Oh Chis. I love your perspective. Such a brave and courageous one to have. I’m not sure I’d be as composed. I know you’re a survivor. I pray for the best. I hold on to the heavenly light of Hope with you. May the Lord Jesus continue to wrap His arm of peace and comfort around you.
Thank you just isn’t enough. You have touched me so deeply through your precious faithful encouraging words Hope. I am forever grateful. xo
Sending prayers that you are in that 80% and everything is okay. xo
Thanks so much for your support Shell. It means so much to me. xo
I am sitting here, trying to figure out what to say… this is a TOUGHER subject for me, my father fought & lost his battle with Melanoma Stage 4 but my Momma WON her battle against breast cancer 4 years later & just got released from the tomoxifen which is the pill form version of chemotherapy… I overcame a car accident where I hit black ice, instantly comatose for 21 days, the drs told my Momma I would NEVER walk, talk, drive, or have a productive life again in 2005 she looked at them & said you must not have God in your heart, then she read this verse over me whileI was in the coma, I want you to have it, I dont need it, I madeit through my struggle but it is your turn now… the verse is Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good & not evil, to give you hope & a future.” I love you Chris. You have got this & if you need anything just hollar at me, I am here… I wander but I am not lost. XO. ~A~
Honey- YOU are a warrior if there ever was one!! I love you. And I absolutely LOVE that verse.
Thank you- oh thank you… for all your constant love and support. You are a true friend. I am so grateful… xo
I’m here always for you, don’t forget that darlin’. XO. I am who I am & I will always stand for those I love.
God has got this for sure.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through it, and I will be praying for you.
OH Tracie- you are a love to stop by and encourage me. I am so grateful. xo
Chris. God has sooooo got it! I think those last words are what give perspective to all the other words that precede them. Here’s some good medicine along those lines:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4_Z0NAAZNU&noredirect=1
Oh Alison!! Leave it to you to bring joy to my heart and faith to my soul!!! You are such a light- His Light just shines in every part of you.
I love that song… never heard it. Now it will be going on and on in my head.
Love you for this. Love you for you.
A post so full of emotion — hold onto that light, that hope!
So glad it was caught when it was; it’s in the hands of the Father now — and He will keep you safe.
I love how you put that Christina… I feel comfort from your encouraging words. So grateful. xo
I love your positive attitude! I thought of 2 Timothy 1:7 as I read your post– God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love ……
That power and love can (& will) carry and sustain you my beautiful friend!
Hugs and prayers!
Oh I must take that to heart… over and over again. Thank you for being there with me- through it all. I love you- oh how I love you…
Oh Chris, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are amazing…you are one of the strongest women I know. I think not knowing is the worst but I am believing in that 80% for you. Hang in there and know we are all out there praying and rooting for you!
Waiting is getting harder the more it is setting in. Hate that. Your words give me confidence and strength Michelle. So grateful for you… xo
Oh, Chris, my heart aches for you and all you have been going through! I love you so much! God is faithful and always with you, he is your strength and shield! Hold strong my friend:) you are constantly in my prayers! Em
Aw!! You COMMENTED!!! 😉
So THIS is what it takes eh? Hee hee…
I love you Em. So so much. I love your love- your prayers- your endless support. XO
Thank you hun. Thank you….
You sound so much more calm than last week. Praying for that 80%!
Yeah- well not so much last night! 😉
Ready to know. Not wanting to know. But just get this waiting over with. But WAIT- I panic at the thought of hearing my doctor’s voice on the phone. I’ll wait a little longer…
Sigh.
Praying for the 80%, Chris. I love the perspective you are taking right now. You are lucky it was found. You are not alone. Sending you massive amounts of love and prayer!
Thanks so much Jen. It is quite interesting that I actually made this appointment- for YEARS I have dealt with my sinus crap, and why now did I finally go for any treatment?
What pushed me to go? I know down deep that someone is taking care of me, always. Even in my ‘human condition’- meltdowns and all…
Oh friend! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I am praying and rooting for that 80%. How is it that even in your hours of fear you’re able to light us all up with your faith? I pray to have faith like yours ins day. You are such a light. Wish I could hug you! Love you and keep us posted!!
Oh Hillary! You are such a dear to come by and encourage me with your kind words. I am filled with JOY reading them. Thank you love… thank you. xo
I’ve been praying and wondering. Your faith is evident and inspiring. I will continue to pray.
Thank you so much for your sweet support and prayers, Laurie. I am so grateful. Will keep you posted…
Praying for you!
I love your attitude (even if on the inside you are cringing!!)!!!
It sounds like the DRs are on this and can take care of everything but still scary.
Praying for peace for you and your family!!!
Oh Kim, you are so sweet. Thank you for your encouragement and support! It means the world to me…
That is scary. Thinking of you and also rooting for the 80%!!
visiting from PYHO.
Thanks for stopping by Anna!! I forgot I linked up there! Geesh. I don’t even have the button on my post. Not totally together obviously…
80% all the way.
Oh how I hope so Tricia!! 80%… your confidence means the world to me. I’ll take it!
Chris, I’m so sorry that you are going through this. The unknown is the scariest feeling but I have faith that all will turn out well for you! Big hugs to you, friend!
Thanks so much Sara. I am hoping and praying you are right, my friend. xo
He’s got this! He knew well before you did that it was time to go to the ENT….XOXOXOXO
Isn’t it interesting that I decided after all this time to finally make an appointment and DO something about my sinus issues?
I find the timing impeccable. His timing always is… XO
Chris, I am thinking of you and lifting you up in my prayers. You know you are being used by God to touch many women’s lives and it is so cool to see!! You are an example to me of one whos life honors and pleases the Lord, and your life produces every kind of good fruit. All the while, growing and learning to know God better and better.” COL.1:10.
I am praying for you and your family my sweet friend!! luv you-
Oh Dana!!! I am SO excited to see you HERE!!! Oh, dear friend- how your words encourage me SO SO MUCH. Thank you- from the bottom of my heart- thank you.
Miss you!! XOXO
Oh my friend, thank God our circumstances do not come down to the roll of the dice. With God, our lives are not arbitrary. Every joy and trial is sifted through His fingertips as is this one….again. Yes, He’s got this marble sized mass and He’s got you. We are ALL praying for you. I know how scary this must feel. Your perspective and your response is an example of who you are in Him…..a beautiful, grateful and gracious light, shining bright. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Is 43:2 Praying, praying and praying some more!
I have read your words over and over again- I have read HIS words over and over again…
Soaking it in, my friend. Soaking your beautiful encouragement in.
Thank you- from the bottom of my heart. <3
Come OOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 80%
Hope you find out the results really soon, and that they’re in that big, fat has-to-be-the-most-likely-bigger-majority-percentage section.
I’m so glad you have such a responsive and pro-active medical team around you. That’s super. I hope their decisions and actions around this are effective and right. To get rid of it. To make it gone. To heal you.
And as ever, I am amazed and inspired by the HUGENESS of your faith. I’m so glad you have this, and you have the certainty of knowing that it’s been taken care of already.
Have I ever sent you this? It seems pertinent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dPJQ8Jve1E&list=PLvANrIeoHfPn1lff8ecW5r69hd-2jaC8_
Much love to you <3
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You always say the perfect things. You always share the most beautifully poetic words. And now- you shared music. Her voice. The lyrics. The message…. comforts me more than you know.
Oh friend, thank you.
I try, my friend *HUGS* Not sure how much of it is me/my words at times 😉 But glad you found comfort in them.
God will honour His word in your life Chris! Will uphold you in prayers.
Thank you so much Ugochi. I am so grateful you stopped by to encourage me. Your prayers mean so much…
Praying for the 80% Girl. Praying. And I love your gratitude, especially while facing something so scary. It’s contagious.
It’s pretty easy to be grateful when you have been blessed with true abundance… and that I surely have! Seriously- so much. Astounds me.
XOXO
God’s got this! Thank you for the wonderfully positive view. You’ve got to dip into that 20% just a bit, because you don’t want to be stunned if that becomes reality. But you are so right about not staying there for too long. Good idea!
Thanks for sharing!
Yes Andrea… trying to not stay “there” but if by chance –
I need to be prepared either way. Clinging to my faith now- His Plan will happen no matter what. So I pray for peace and strength wherever I am intended to go…
Thanks for your encouragement… so grateful.
So, so rooting for the 20%, and so, so, so loving you. xo, my dear, sweet friend.
I love you honey. SO much. Your friendship and prayers and support have blessed me more than you know. XOXO
I’ve missed SO much! I’m so sorry I’m late finding out about all of this. I know based on your other post titles it’s not cancer. Praise God!
Yeah- I didn’t think it would be right to leave my readers guessing and have to open my post to find out. It could have been a great hook though eh? LOL Not for me. I am so blessed by so many who have been praying- I just wanted them to know. 🙂