I like straight lines.
Lines that have no knots, kinks or loops I have to untie, hurdle over, or wind around. Predictability. Stability. A day that starts and ends with a nice straight line from morning ‘til night…
Having everything go my way.
Predictable paths.
Life has a way of messing up our straight lines.
Summer with the kids home all day has a way of adding some bumps and barriers and winding tunnels that take us nowhere or somewhere or everywhere, surely unplanned. Things happen. Schedules rearrange themselves on the go and if I try real hard to allow this to naturally flow as it should… it can be liberating.
But lately I haven’t had that free flowing spirit. I’ve wanted to hold on tight to the lines and stay the course, for just one day. One day. But when you start your day with coffee machines spilling out, or find your quiet time out in the torrential downpour pulling the kid’s slide through the mud to hoist it up against the house to redirect the gushing gutter waters from flooding your basement, or you come home to find your refrigerator warm– on top of kids wanting this or that instead of this or that, and calls to come and then go, and needs arising from loved ones, to ripple that line just one more time…
It pretty much sucks the peace and plan out of any straight-lined predictable path.
Then there’s this new-found excruciating pain right at my screwed-up joint. Like those screws have somehow found a way to create their own bulging bump , protruding from the fused bone-what should be a nice solid straight line.
This just makes all the lines hard to walk on. Winding or straight.
Some days, I can embrace the unknown paths life creates with a zest and zeal that says “I got this!” Other days, any sharp corner I hit, propels an intense surge of anxiety, as I attempt to control the tiniest turns and twists that threaten my peace.
Lately, it’s been the latter of the two.
I hate that about anxiety. Its ebb and flow comes and goes without my control… its sinister ways can grab me mercilessly and suffocate my breaths.
These days, there are so many barriers to that straight line- although miniscule and mundane- they have been coming in droves…I am tired of fighting it, and I’m left in a ball of nerves.
Then there’s those drop offs:
Those predictable lines that suddenly break-and the path abruptly ends.
You’re dangling off the edge…
With no line to cling to, no ground ahead, because the line is gone. You hang there with every morsel of strength to hold on, as you desperately try to produce a new course- any path to survive. It’s momentarily formed underneath each new step you take. There is no line ahead of you to guide you, or to plan, or to predict.
My friend found a lump in her breast. It was cancer.
Her straight line cut in that moment, planning for the worst as she dangled off the edge. Survival mode: See surgeons, oncologist, tests, MRI, blood work, counseling, second opinions. Each step newly formed out of strength to overcome.
Today I took two beautiful teenagers out for a much needed distraction, because it was Father’s Day. One, whose father left when she was just a young child. Another who suddenly lost her dad just months ago.
Straight lines cut. Tragically. Survival pushes each step, whilst they create a completely new new line- full of more hurdles and bumps in which I could never imagine.
Our church has been struggling for a while now. With desperate hopes to withstand the bumps, the knots, the twists and turns in our once straight line… we are looking at difficult decisions about the home we once knew.
We find ourselves anticipating dangling on the edge of our broken line, clinging tight, praying for guidance in where to find our new path.
Life has a way of breaking our straight lines.
But here’s the thing…
We have more straight lines than we think. Despite our unraveling roads filled with jagged edges and new-found dips, bumps and hidden hills…
We all have a lot of straight lines. Think about your own life, would you?
Lots of things go right, instead of wrong- don’t they?
Sometimes, we are so distracted with our own curving corners, that we can’t see the many straight ones we so steadily assume.
What are your straight lines?
For me? In this moment, I quietly reflect on three big ones.
1. I may have lost all my woman parts due to the BRCA1 mutation years ago, but I was blessed with never having to face the diagnosis of Breast Cancer.
No broken lines to worry about there.
2. I came home after dropping the girls off from our day, and I got to call my father. Better yet? He told me that I was a great writer, I was as strong as Sacagawea and that he loved me.
Ah…Seamless straight line there.
3. I was able to go to my church today, and leave my church without the horrific scene of evil splattering the blood of my precious loved ones.
No jagged edges to cling to here.
So as I think about my back to back schedule tomorrow, knowing full well something will surely create some nerve-racking curves, causing some races to not even enter the finish line…
I am reminded that I have enough straight lines and predictable paths to get me through.
And as you set out to navigate your own twists and turns that once where straight lines, or perhaps you are dangling on the edge of the drop off-
Where there once was a steady step…
Maybe you can remember the straight lines you have in your life too.
And sometimes. Sometimes.
That new crooked path turns out better than any straight-lined predictable plan we had.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
I couldn’t love that last more if I tried about the crooked jagged lines. Seriously just couldn’t have said it better myself if I tried.
Aw!! Thanks so much Janine!! It’s so true, isn’t it? 🙂
I have missed you these past few weeks and am happy this is the day I read your post. You are so great at putting things in perspective! A close friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer last week also and it looks bad (in the lymph nodes, tumor so big it doesn’t all show on the scan, stage 4:(
But, I know she is tough and will fight and has lots of people to help straighten the line for her.
So sorry to hear that you are still having pain from that ankle. Hang in there!!
KIM!!!! Oh, how I miss you!!! How is the business going? Your summer? I hope you are doing GREAT sweetie!!
As for your friend- absolutely tragic. What a drop off. Just horrible. What is her name, so I can pray for her? My friend had her surgery to remove the tumor and we are grateful it has not spread into her lymph nodes. Only radiation as of now.
I went to the doctor, and apparently my screws are protruding through. I go in for my next surgery to take them out July 7th. Kinda sucks. But has to happen. 🙁 Back in the boot I go. But at least this time, no cast for two months or anything else. Just more ‘down time’ off the damn foot. *Stillhavelotsofstraightlines* 🙂
I sometimes get into a funk and curse at all the upsets in my life. Your post here is pretty much the TToT. There’s always, always, always something to be thankful for.
I had that kind of a week, Sarah!!! SO many upsets! At every turn, there seemed to be a change of the path… and it really got to me! Yes… TToT theme here. Gratitude always hides beneath and rises above in the end. If we let it!!
“That new crooked path turns out better than any straight-lined predictable plan we had”…so true! Beautifully written, Chris!
It’s amazing how that happens, isn’t it Michelle? 🙂 Here’s to our crooked lines!!
Thank you so much, my friend.
I’ve just decided to dance along the paths whether they are straight or curvy. They are both. You are so very right that there is always a straight line hidden inside all those curves. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself. xo
You are my hero that always braves those curves and corners so boldly, Jennifer. I can’t tell you enough, how much you inspire me! Your strength and stamina are RELENTLESS. I absolutely love that about you!!
I suppose life would be really boring and predictable if it was all clear, straight paths. While the windy ones can be scary and really challenging, they can also lead to wonderful things, and they’re what really shape us into who we are. It’s all about a balance between the two, which of course can be elusive, but you have to find those straight lines when you can. Beautiful post, Chris!
Oh Bev- you just summarized everything I wanted to say in your beautiful comment, my friend! EXACTLY. 🙂
Our straight lines have been none-too-straight lately, Chris.
But we’re okay.
We’re healthy.
We’re lucky to love and be loved.
And we’re Here.
Present.
In our Here.
Hoping we can continue this chat over tea and cookies one day.
Until then…and with heart,
Dani
OH, how I would love to continue MANY chats with you over tea and cookies! Healthy. Love. Present. Those are significant lines, my sweet friend. Hold on to them. XOXO
So true! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Andrea!! Hope you are having a wonderful summer!! 🙂
***Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.**
Another one of my all time faves!
Love all of your lines: the strait, the crooked, and the swirly.
Wish we went to the same church! We’d have so much fun together! xxx
MINE TOO!!! This one is GOLDEN, isn’t it? My constant reminder…. and I’m betting yours too, my love. Will you move here? Please?
I love all your lines too. <3
What a beautiful way to look at life. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much, Janet! I’m grateful for your lovely encouragement. <3
I’m having a lot of trouble with that lately. My lack of faith recently started a huge issue with an acquaintance. I get seeing the knots and realizing there are more straight lines than you expect once you look back. But when you are in the thick of battle, you only see the knot in front of you.
Yeah. I get that Kerri. I really do. Sometimes that knot can consume you. Until it becomes untied- unraveled- unbound. I really hope you can resolve the knot you have right now, hun. Your lack of faith is a very personal thing… I do hope and pray that your acquaintance can meet you with grace. That is always how it should be. I have always found that the truest people of faith are the ones who have an endless source of mercy.
I enjoyed this post with my cup of coffee! Thanks for sharing..
I appreciate you coming by to read this, Matilda! 🙂
I don’t think I know a straight line I can’t screw up somehow, but there will always be more straight lines, and greater than all of the mess is love.
Have some lines for whenever you need them, Kitty xXx
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Aw! I always love and need more lines, especially coming from YOU. They help. They really really do. And there are MANY straight lines you don’t screw up. Many. Don’t lose sight of those!!
I love how you focused on the positive, wonderful things in your life. Straight lines are boring. Although sometimes boring can be good… 😉
Lovely words…
Thanks so much Elaine! Straight lines can be quite boring… and sometimes those crooked lines lead us to our best moments. True? I still like my straight lines over any other, though. 🙂
Ah, the ebb and flow of anxiety. The suffocating breaths. I haven’t even had that lately but today – I had a moment. It wasn’t so bad because I breathed it away with straight line breaths.. but I know I love the crooked lines too.
Some crooked lines are breathtaking really… but many I simply don’t want to deal with at all. Many. Anxiety- oh that mysterious monster! I’m so glad you breathed yours away with straight line breaths, my dear! I love that.
Well written, Chris. As I read your post I thought about the straight lines in my life: reasonable good health, loving family, nice home and I the places where my straight lines have broken. The broken lines could be worse so I say I am truly blessed.
Yes, Mary! You do have some wonderful straight lines indeed. And I agree with you… I too have broken lines that could be much worse. We are blessed!
Oh Chris, wow. My straight lines (right now): health, family, freedom. I love this piece and your heart is so big. I hope all goes well for your girlfriend, too.
Those are really beautiful straight lines, Allie!! Hold onto them tight, my friend. I will too… they help us navigate those curves and edges better. 🙂
Oh man, Chrisalicious! That was amazing! I saw it a few days ago but just now could sit down and digest it. Your first 2/3 describe how edgy I feel about summer and other things disrupting my flow, but what a great reminder of the abrupt cut-offs other people often face and the beautiful straight lines God intends for us to follow and lays before us when we trust Him. I learned so much about you, and I absolutely love your heart to take those two students out on Father’s Day. Just beautiful!
I love your comment SO much, Bonnalade. Oh, what a blessing you are to me!!! We all really do have many stable straight lines in our lives… I am thinking God prepared us for all the curves in the others. And blessed us with the security of such straight lines we really, really need. He has a way of designing our lives just so, doesn’t He? 🙂
Hi Chris! I might have to have my screws removed in a few months. They are protruding out of my ankle bone and causing some chafing. Sigh… Never ends, right?
I woke up today kind of anxious myself. I have internal deadlines, and although I’m doing fine accomplishing them, I can still put so much pressure on myself. Why is that? Ugh. I need to realize that my straight lines WAY outnumber my wavy ones. I am so blessed. It’s time to see the love and light in my life, every single day.
And if I have crooked ones? Like you, I’ll wait to see where the curvy road takes me. Might just be amazing!
Blessings,
Ceil
I’M REMOVING MY SCREWS TOO!!!!! So- Yep. Saw the surgeon and apparently the swelling JUST recently went down enough to have the screws now protruding out of my joint… That is exactly what that pain was that I explained here! For me, it’s on the outer corner of my big toe base joint- and putting a shoe on is. PAINFUL. And it aches off and on all day and night. I did find two pairs of gym shoes I can safely wear that don’t touch that end of my foot. Surgery to take them out is set for July 7th.
Back in the boot I go…
God help us both.
ooh I love the perspective you give us here! I was right there with you in the beginning – I love straight lines something fierce and I can’t remember the last time I felt like my life had them in abundance. But you are right, I have so many more than I think.
It’s SO hard, isn’t it? Living in the swerves of bending lines? Ack. But this really did help me realize that I can hold on to my straight lines for my ‘safety’ and ‘security’. Thank God for them! I am sure yours will keep you secure and safe too, my friend. <3
Yes a crooked line could bring better things than a straight line could. That’s where our characters are built and our faith are tested. 🙂
AMEN to THAT Lux!! And for some, it takes a long time to realize such a truth.
I never was much good at walking the straight line — but that was all my own doing and why I need my butt in church!! LOL
so yes, I need to seek the straight lines, because I think I am the opposite sort that sometimes get too tempted by curves in the road. like, why do I have to make things so hard sometimes. like you say, enough of the curves/hard comes all by its own.
HA! I totally get creating crooked lines, Leslie. You and me both, girl!! Sometimes our crazy ways make life a heck of a lot more interesting, yes? 🙂
I just love this, so relate and so beautifully written! How easy is it to focus on those crooked lines in our lives, when right before us are those grace blessings, those small and large gifts we tend to trip over!! Just adore you Christine!
And I adore YOU, Kathy! I am just SO blessed by you every time you come here to read my words and respond. We DO tend to ‘trip over’ those gifts… and I love how you describe them as “grace blessings”. Beautiful. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this on your FB page today my friend! It is just the post I needed to read.
Life has definitely thrown a few curves and broken places in my path in the past. This week has been exceptional with them. It has been a year of various small illnesses and minor surgeries for my parents, and today my father is having a bone marrow biopsy. Going to admit I am scared to death. Praying that this is not a broken path. Thank you for your honest, beautiful post.
Oh Christina! I am so so sorry you are facing some terrifying news! I pray that you have received word on the biopsy and your father will be okay. Please let me know? I will keep praying for you and for your dad, my friend. I’m really glad you took the time to read this, sweetie. Praying HARD for no broken paths in your life. <3
I know you already know this, but my struggle with anxiety is intense.
After my grandma died I had an intense struggle but I’m just starting to feel grounded again. My cure – Jesus – more of Him. Even so, I still struggle but I find great comfort seeing Him as opposed to seeing disaster and stress.
I just started the 1000 Gifts devotional and I am truly seeing what it means to be thankful in all things, in all circumstances – and the practice of being thankful has given me much joy.
Thanks for sharing!
xoxo
Oh Jennifer, how I understand that anxiety well my friend! I just love that you are diving into that devotional and I’m so so glad you’re finding comfort from the One who offers it best. I pray you continue to find rest in Him. I’m still trying to do the same. <3
You know, I’ve lived long enough to experience lots of evidence that His plans are better than mine. You’d think I’d remember that when the going gets tough. Not so much though. I need continual reminders!
I do too, Rabia. Oh I do too…
Proverbs 3:5,6 right? OWN IT. 🙂
Chris, love the words about “straight lines”……thank you! I so cling to them but I know that there are curves, loops and maybe ever breaks in the “straight lines” but I know I have a God that is with me all the time even when I don’t feel that way sometimes. Thank you for sharing your wise words and reflections!
Love ya!
Oh Sandy, how I just love it when you come over to read and comment, my friend! I so cling to them too. And yes, curves and loops and cliff drop offs- we simply must trust He already designed the path and its outcome. <3