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Encouragement for the Teenage Girl Who Is Hurting

October 31, 2018 By momcafe 18 Comments

I want to offer this encouragement for the teenage girl who is hurting, whatever that might look like in her life. These years can be so emotional, so confusing, and so hard. Besides having a teenage girl of my own, I have worked with teens for over 30 years and I have encountered many girls who struggle with feeling vulnerable, confused, scared, and unsure of how they are going to cope with the pressures and problems they face during these challenging years.

The growing pains our teen girls endure can sometimes be too much to bear. I know.

I hope and pray these words speak into the hearts of those teenage girls who need some encouragement right now…

Encouragement for a teenage girl who is hurting.

 

 

Dear beautiful girl,

You may be feeling so overwhelmed, full of intense emotions that seem scary, confusing, and hard to understand.

Right now you are experiencing a keen awareness of this emerging raw and vulnerable side of you that is often hidden from view. You try to guard your fragility that lies underneath the smiles, the day-to-day motions you go through while pretending you’re okay.

All the pressures and problems you face can lead you to feel unsure, insecure, and sad. It’s an agonizing place to be.

I want you to know something.

Strength and hope will come from these struggles.

Did you know that?

You see, something you may not fully understand just yet is that we are ALL unsure, insecure, and vulnerable and these are the hard places where growth takes place.

You may feel so alone, but you are not.

Even the girl who struts the halls with sheer confidence and popularity feels this way. Even the jock who seems to dominate the field has hidden hurts too. They just don’t show it, much like you…

But because of your ability to identify those difficult emotions, you are stronger.  You have the ability to acknowledge you don’t feel secure in your own skin and you may not understand everything you are going through. And you know what?

That is normal.

Completely and utterly normal.

You love, are normal.

Everyone struggles. Everyone needs help. Everyone has their own issues to manage.

So if you think you’re weird, broken, insecure, and so messed up.

Listen up, okay?

 

This is the time in your life where emotions emerge that you have never felt before, and ideas and opinions all clash and conflict and rise with a fierceness you can’t control. You may feel weak, scared, and confused. You may not know what to do with all these feelings that circle around you like a hungry hawk, ready to dive in for the kill. There may be a bottomless dark pit that swallows you up or a twisting tornado that grips your thoughts and tightens your nerves.

You might even feel like you’re losing your mind.

You’re not.

You are not losing your mind.

You are submerged in the battle. The perfect storm of adolescence.

You are emerging into your womanhood and awakening to the big scary world.

You’re growing up fast, as your body is rapidly changing and you’re not even sure you like it. In fact, you might even hate it. Your hormones are surging through your body with rapid-fire flooding you with overwhelming and unpredictable shots of emotion that are foreign to you. The world as you once knew it, is opening up and sometimes you feel it’s swallowing you whole.

 

So where’s the strength and hope in THAT you ask?

It’s in the growing.

It’s in the exploring all you have and what you’re made of.

You are discovering who you are and often it can be a painful process, full of grand mistakes and long hard falls. But it’s in this season you are learning so very much…

These are the years you begin to realize that you have soft places that need protection and scary wounds that need attention. You are exploring all the delicate discoveries and complicated questions and unsettling emotions you have. You are becoming aware of what makes you feel all these emotions. And through each scary step, you are building strength by enduring the hard-fought battles and learning how to take care of this you, you are becoming.

And growing up will lead you toward realizing your worth, as you persevere through difficult decisions and battle boundary lines for the sake of self-protection. This is the road that will lead you to embrace who you are while claiming your strengths, your talents, your gifts. This is the most important season you will endure because you are learning about yourself, and understanding how to care for, guard, and nourish the soft spots and hard places within who you are.

It may be scary. It may be hard.

But this is your own personal road to self-discovery, self-preservation, and self-worth.

This is the journey toward honoring who you are and where you fit into this world.

Your ability to feel deeply and see clearly, that which makes you thrive or makes you hide, is the most valuable gift you have.

You are armed with knowledge and equipped with wisdom.

You have a fierce kind of purpose right now.

And you are growing through every step you take through it all.

Keep shining your light on those things that make you feel strong and reach out for help in exploring those things which make you feel weak.

In time…

This season will end and a new one will begin and you will have evolved into the beautiful woman you were meant to be.

You may not feel it now, but let me assure you dear one…

You’re going to be just fine.

***

The original version of this post first appeared on Grown and Flown.

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Filed Under: Encouragement in Motherhood Tagged With: emotional teen, encouragement for teens, parenting, teen girls, Teens, teens who struggle

Comments

  1. Stacy Voss says

    October 31, 2018 at 10:23 am

    Don’t stop writing, my friend. So many need to keep hearing your powerful yet tender words of truth.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:41 am

      Ah, you are so sweet to say that, Stacy! Thank you, my friend. SO much. <3

      Reply
  2. Janine Huldie says

    October 31, 2018 at 10:39 am

    This quite frankly is beautiful and I am saving to share with my own daughters as they will soon enough be teens here, as well. Thank you, Chris for sharing your wise words with us here today <3

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Thanks so much, Janine. Your girls are so sweet and I know you will have encouraging words for them when the teen years hit your home too.

      Reply
  3. Tamara says

    October 31, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    I remember watching that great 80s movie with Christian Slater and it shows the most pretty and popular girl
    saying how she is screaming in pain inside. I remember really hurting my freshman year, and it was hard to explain to my mom. She thought I was being bullied or pressured or questioning my sexuality and the truth is that none of that happened! But, I had a wicked crush on a senior boy who didn’t feel the same, and I couldn’t keep up with my honors classes like I always had. Bigger kids can lead to bigger problems and I just am so inspired by you for when my kids grow.

    Reply
  4. Lynn says

    October 31, 2018 at 10:33 pm

    Yes, you are going to be okay! This is beautifully written as always Christine. And an important, timeless message. Did you know I have a teen novel I almost finished back in 2012? It’s still all outlined, and has 40,000 words written for first draft. Maybe one day you could beta read it for me when I get back to it? 🙂 Your experience and wisdom, and being a mom are all so valued by all of us here, I’m sure!

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:39 am

      No WAY, Lynn! I would be honored to read it when you return to it! I can’t wait!

      And thank you so much for your sweet words of support. They mean so much to me. I can only hope they help teens, because my gosh, it can be so hard.

      Reply
  5. Liv says

    November 1, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    Yes. Yes. Yes.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:37 am

      Liv, thank you, sweet friend. I am so grateful for your support and I hope this one reaches those hurting hearts.

      Reply
  6. Lisa thomson says

    November 2, 2018 at 1:36 am

    Your words are so beautiful! I would like to borrow this whole article and give it to my daughter. She isn’t a teen anymore but could certainly benefit from your words. I did and I’m a grown a** woman! Xo

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:36 am

      Aw, I LOVE THAT LISA!

      My gosh, I think we all need to be reminded of this stuff no matter our age, right?

      I love you and your support of my words always means the world to me. <3

      Reply
  7. Candace Playforth says

    November 2, 2018 at 2:00 pm

    This is perfect, Chris. Every word. I was definitely a teen who struggled. How I wish someone would have spoken these wise words to me back then. You will help many with this. My little girl is no longer a teen. She is actually about to become a mother herself. So I will send this to her for that precious girl who will soon be my granddaughter :). Much love to you, my friend.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:35 am

      Candace, I join you in wishing I had someone who told me these things too. I truly hope it reaches those girls who need to read it. And SO exciting your ‘little girl’ is going to be a mom! Congratulations to your daughter and to YOU, my friend!

      Reply
  8. Kristi Campbell says

    November 2, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    This is beautiful, Chris. I wish I’d have had this advice when I was a teenager. So important and the reminder that “you are normal,” and that “you’re NOT losing your mind” – this is going to help so many teens. xoxo

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:33 am

      I remember how hard those years were and sometimes agonizing and isolating too. I really do hope this reaches those girls who are hurting and need this encouragement.

      Thanks, sweet friend.

      Reply
  9. Julie Jo Severson says

    November 6, 2018 at 8:27 am

    This is exactly what I needed to read today, Christine!!! I am forwarding this to both my girls, 13 and 17. What a comforting, uplifting message that I want to pass on to them every day but can never find the right words. Now I can just give them yours! LOL. Your two kiddos and all those young kids you mentor are so blessed to have you in their lives.

    Reply
    • momcafe says

      November 11, 2018 at 11:30 am

      Aw, Julie, you are so kind. I’m thrilled this spoke to your mama heart and that you’re going to pass it on to your girls! The teen years can be SO. HARD.

      Reply
  10. Becky Beresford says

    November 14, 2018 at 11:46 am

    This letter is beautiful! I’m a momma to all boys, but it took me right back to my adolescent years. Thank you for writing such encouraging, life-giving words for God’s Daughters. 🙂

    Becky

    Reply

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