I am sitting upstairs, listening to giggles and shouts downstairs in the basement, while my daughter and her new-found girlfriends are playing games. She’s been wanting to have them over for months, because they have become her closest friends. She spends tons of time with them because they are swimmers in the same swim club. They have gathered in ongoing various practices and meets, slowly building an incredible bond among them all. These girls are kind, respectful, thoughtful, and smart. All of them. They are good girls. I see their hearts in how they act and the choices they make- and I am amazed that at their age, they all could be so lovely and daringly innocent. Every last one of them is someone I would hand pick for my daughter.
I’ve been praying for my girl to find her people.
Praying hard.
And she finally did
It wasn’t long ago, she was alone.
I’m so proud of the amazing strength it took for her to get through those hard years. I watched her make difficult choices by discerning which people she invited into her life, and this oftentimes left her without anyone. It was rough, but she felt more comfortable in her own skin than I ever had in mine at that age. She managed to spend recesses alone sitting in her own security and silence. She somehow unleashed a confidence within herself to take bold steps toward independence, letting go of people that didn’t share the same values she did. Ultimately, this girl chose to be alone, rather than roam in the thick of messy socialite mishaps.
Such maturity.
Middle school has been hard. She walks the halls in search of someone to trust, and it’s been an exhaustive hunt. She’s learned things I wish she hadn’t at her young age, but middle school can oftentimes be called, The Devil’s Playground for many reasons. My girl has managed herself beautifully over there. My greatest fear was that she would get lost in a whirling world without friends to anchor her down. She had her family and her two best friends that don’t go to the school. I kept reminding her that this was enough- but honestly?
It wasn’t.
She needed more.
I’ve watched these precious new friendships take hold of her heart over the past few years, and I’ve witnessed her eyes shine brighter and brighter as the gifts of these friendships filled her with a new sense of belonging and community she has never experienced before. And it’s quite remarkable.
My girl found her people.
My girl has a Tribe.
It is safe there.
I sit here listening to the joy relentlessly rising from downstairs, and I am filled with enormous relief and great joy. I didn’t realize how profound this moment would be for me, as her mom. I am both giddy and tearful at the same time. I’ve dreamed of this for her. I’ve hoped and prayed she would find friends she could be herself around, that she would find a comfortable spot right where she was, with who she was and nothing more. We finally arranged a “Game Day” party for these beloved friends to all come over and play a variety of games, do crafts, goof off, and eat snacks. We are well into our third hour, and the energy level has not waned at all.
I could not pick a better flock to surround her. They all share the same values, and they don’t do drama. They are still sticking to that sweet spot of innocence, where games and giggles is enough. Boys aren’t necessary and backstabbing is foreign to them. There’s a cold and brutal world out there just waiting to infiltrate these budding teens…
I’m so grateful she has this barricade of a bond to protect her.
This group of girls isn’t founded on fashion or popularity. It’s grounded in connections established through hours and hours of challenging swim meets and grueling workouts at the pool. This beautiful social circle has developed through hard work while cheering each other on in victories and comforting one another in defeat. There’s a sense of unity among the girls, that seems indivisible. Each one their unique character, as they all appreciate the differences in one another instead of diving into comparison or jealousy. They instead display encouragement and affirmation. Can you imagine a peer group like THAT in middle school? Finding a safe and authentic tribe in such tough terrain?
I know. It’s miraculous really.
They spend hours together at meets, playing games and being together- soaked from the pool and utterly without facades or anything to prove. I don’t believe they realize the gift they have with one another- I don’t think they will understand the unfiltered commonality between them all that defies all middle school madness. They aren’t aware of the strength and power in the friendships they hold- they only feel the comfort of genuineness and the freedom to be exactly who they are.
Without judgment. Without gossip. Without twisted hypocritical cynicism that could so easily be found along those lonely hallways at school. Accepting each as their own without question or critique- it comes so naturally to them all. Oh what a gift!
I envision years going by, as they all still stick together…
In the thick of adolescence. Grappling with independence. Struggling with the enormous weight of what the world can bring-
Together.
My girl found her people. Her tribe.
My mama heart is full.
And I believe hers is too.
Aw, so glad Cass has found her tribe and her friends sound like they are an amazing group. Truly does make all the difference to have a great bunch of friends at a time in life when so much is slowly but surely changing, but wouldn’t expect anything less from your girl, because she is an amazing young lady!! 🙂
Oh Janine, you are SO sweet to celebrate this with me and add such encouraging words! THANK YOU, my dear friend. XOXO
It’s really amazing to watch her mature and change. My daughter isn’t quite there yet – and although I want to slow time down – I am looking forward to the transformation.
It’s been a difficult one with friends, for Cass. BUT it has been incredible to watch her strength evolve and her character be built- through tough decisions and hard situations. I love that word- transformation. I think that’s the one. 🙂 Good luck with your girl, my friend!
I love how your blog speaks to me every time I read it. I, too, have struggled watching my kids try to find their tribe. I needed to read this today to remember to PRAY first. He’s got this, I just need to keep giving it to Him. Thank you Chris!
And I love that you keep coming to read it and join me in the journey, my dear friend. <3 It just means the world to me! It is so hard to watch our kids wobble alone on shaky paths. Oh do I know it! Yes… pray. And trust. And then invite them to pray and trust too. 🙂
So happy to hear this. Nothing quite compares to the sounds of joy and happiness eminating from our children and filling every worried crack and crevice of our worried mama hearts. Happy, happy, joy, joy.
Thank you SO much for celebrating this with me, Mary!! You described it beautifully. Of course!! 🙂 You’re so good at that, my sister friend. <3
Hi Chris! I love this: “joy relentlessly rising”. What music to your ears! I am sure that your gal-party for your daughter was also a joy for her friends. Everyone needs a place to be that isn’t built on fear, trying to keep up, or what I’m wearing today. A place to be silly and be yourself. Such a great gift you gave your daughter, both in your patience with her finding her tribe, and now helping her rejoice in it.
All I can say is YAY!!
Blessings,
Ceil
YAY is right, Ceil!! Thank you so much for celebrating this JOY with me, my friend! It’s been a long time coming, for her. And for her mama. 🙂
Perhaps the time spent alone was necessary for your daughter to find the happiness she now has. I am a firm believer that being comfortable alone is a prerequisite for healthy relationships with others (although I am a pretty extreme introvert, so maybe I’m biased).
It sounds like a great group to be a part of, and I hope their friendship(s) will last beyond the school years and be a source of strength for them all for life. 🙂
You are so right, Vince. It IS important and even necessary for all of us to be comfortable alone before we can have a healthy relationship with others. Totally agree! Those middle school years are usually filled with such insecurity, that girls (not sure if it is as prolific for boys?) will do almost anything to have friends, be liked, be accepted. That breaks my heart, and it makes me all the more proud of my girl for staying strong in WHO she is and not bending to conform. 🙂
Beautiful! So important to find community. And sounds like she is grounded in herself to find the right community for her, instead of just going with the crowd. She sounds strong, and confident in she who is. And a blessing to you to see the fruits of being her mom.
YES Lynn! I’m really amazed at her ability to stay grounded in her values and not sway with the crowds, just to have friends. It truly has been a blessing to see her strength in it all, and long awaited answers to prayer! You said it perfectly. 🙂
I saw you post about this on FB and it made me so happy – for your daughter, for the other girls, for you. May the tribe continue to support one another through middle school and high school!
That is my hope, Dana! We have a lot of years ahead of us, but for now I just celebrate the joy in these friendships. I hope and pray she keeps them through those high school years. You just never know. Thanks so much for celebrating with me, my friend!
🙂 So happy for her! 6th grade was hard for my oldest, but she found her tribe last year in 7th and they have stayed together this year through 8th – gotten closer and stronger. Now, I am just hoping they can hold onto it through high school!
Oh that is sooo wonderful, Lisa! I’m so glad your girl found her tribe too. 🙂 I am hoping the same thing. We have lots of years ahead of us…
This is so lovely to hear. Middle school can be incredibly tough…I had a tribe turn on me, and thirty years later I remember the utter loneliness that felt like it would last forever. I bet your daughters care with her search will buffer her from such heartaches. If not she has you…and her self.
Oh gosh Anna, that is the WORST. I’m so so sorry you had to endure that awful betrayal. There is nothing more traumatic at that age. I have always told my girl, better to be away from all the drama and stay alone than in it with people she doesn’t trust and risk getting hurt. You get it. I’m so grateful these girls don’t operate like that.
So happy she found her tribe. She’s quite an extraordinary girl. Those years are so tough. Having that kind of confidence and good girlfriends you can count on makes such a huge difference.
It really does, doesn’t it? I’m SO happy for her! Although school is still a very lonely place, at least she has THIS. 🙂
Oh my gosh, you plucked again my heart strings!!!What a beautiful testimony to a mama’s prayers, to raising a precious daughter with a discerning spirit, who so patiently waited for friends that matter (how hard that is for children!)–and how God, our gracious God, blessed you and your daughter with far more than you could as for!A tribe of darling girls! I’m right there with you listening to their girl party, smiling, joyfully grateful for this beautiful blessing!!! My son had very similar experiences as a younger boy, so my heart breaks remembering the many days he sat alone, learning to understand no friends were better than poor choice friends..and the endless prayers I prayed..and here he is with more friends than I ever thought. And good ones! Prayer is so powerful, and especially for our children, God is with us and them..He knows our hearts! I so love this beautiful story! What a dear daughter!
OH Kathy! I am THRILLED to hear about your own story with your son and the answered prayers for him!! That is WONDERFUL! I’m so glad our kids were strong enough to stick to their values and hold out for friends they could trust. I pray it continues for my girl… We have a lot more teen years ahead!
Thank you for celebrating this with me, my dear friend. Your words always fill me with such love. <3
I’m so happy for your girl, and you, Momma! Hunter struggled for along time, and think he’s finally found a tribe (whom I affectionately call the Nerd Herd). Audrey has a tribe, but I do worry about some of them. And middle school is looming and I know we’re going to have a wild ride. Oh, I can’t even think about it…
I love that, Allie! “The Nerd Herd”. Brilliant! 🙂 Hold on for the ride. It may not be as scary as it seems. Cass has handled the ‘ups and downs’ quite well, and I bet your Audrey will do the same. 🙂
So glad your girl found her people. Middle School is such a hard time, made easier with friends.
Thanks so much Gail. She has really felt so alone there. I’m so glad she has a place to be herself and feel like she belongs!
So wonderful!! It’s so hard to watch my oldest who has trouble navigating the social aspect of school now that he is older and such negative things come into the play. He’s much more sensitive than most, and that is viewed as a weakness of course. But thankfully there are a couple of bright young lads who see his worth and stand by him. It’s such a gift!!!
My daughters on the other hand can make friends with anyone. Seriously – you have no choice. Just go with it – it will be less painful. LOL
I’m so glad he has those ‘bright young lads’ to trust, Leslie! We only need a few trusted friends to know we are not alone. He’s got them! That is GOOD. Cass is such a social butterfly- I just hated to see her pull back from not being able to celebrate her love for people while she’s in school. She still struggles there… But at least she can shine with these girls!! It’s wonderful. 🙂
What a wonderful answer to a mother’s prayers! So happy for her and you! Will also be praying more for my son’s friendships after reading this beautiful post. Thank you for sharing, this warms my heart!
Thank you so much for celebrating this with me, Christina! Yes, I think that is a wonderful idea to be praying for your son’s friendships too. As our kids grow, who they surround themselves with is so incredibly important. I pray for the same with my son!
Oh my goodness, Chrissy: “I’m so grateful she has this barricade of a bond to protect her.” Yes, me too! For your girlie and mine! Thank You, Jesus! I know that alone-ness so well. My girl went through it. Middle school is really such a difficult rite of passage. I love that swimming keeps them grounded. Well written from a beautiful mama heart! Oh Girls, hang onto this as long as you can! And find women like this into your adulthood!
YES! Thank you for celebrating this with me, my beautiful friend! When we are grounded in that trusted fellowship with other women, oh what comfort it brings! (I’m so grateful for our little tribe!)
I’m literally sitting here in tears, my heart cracked wide open with every line, so happy for your daughter, remembering my own lonely middle school years, and still in the midst of quietly grieving the lack of a trusted tribe in one of my daughter’s life, my first-born, my first teenager. She hasn’t found it. This post was a prayer of gratitude for you and your daughter and one of hope for me and mine.
Oh my friend, how I’m so grateful you celebrate this with me! And my heart aches for your mama heart with your daughter… I am so sorry. I know how difficult that is to watch your girl in that dreaded isolation. Picture my heart wrapped around yours… it is. And you KNOW I will be praying for her now. Something good will come from this. I just know it.
My heart! Sometimes it’s hard for the best people to find their tribes. They’re just too awesome. Cassidy is so heartful and delightful and of course there are people out there for her. And I’m glad she found them.
I am SO glad she found them too! The only catch is they are out of school, which still leaves her lonely there… 🙁 BUT she has her swim peeps, and that is WONDERFUL. This makes me so so happy.
So happy to hear she has found a group of friends she can trust. Girls she can count on to be there for her. Middle school can get ugly— I saw some not pretty things when I taught 8th grade. That tribe is vital.
I am blessed to still be friends with my bestest friend from those days. Weekends at her house, giggling with each other and just being kids instead of feeling we needed to put on a show for others — priceless memories.
OH Christina how I just LOVE that you are still that close with your bestie! Now, that is friendship at its finest. 🙂
So sweet and such a wonderful testimony of your daughter… I have raised two daughters and girls can be tough! Middle school, high school and even young adult age is not for sissies! 🙂 🙂 It is so, so important WHO are their friends and their “tribes” and oftentimes I felt it was out of my control during school times, etc. Love this!
I just keep praying that this tribe will continue through those High School years! I don’t know the outcome there, but I will savor these moments now. <3 I'm SO grateful my girl really thinks seriously about the friends she decides to trust. She's amazing. 🙂
As a mama of a middle school girl, I hear you! Tribes are good. We need them and they need them too.
AMEN to that, Amy! I know you understand… 🙂
It is such a relief when our kids have found their best friends, the missing puzzle pieces to their lives. Friends are so important in the teen years, and that she has found a group that you could have picked for her is a miracle. I hope they stay friends for years and years.
Thanks so much for celebrating this with me, Andralicious! 🙂 It truly IS a miracle. I pray it continues through those high school years…
Awww. I found my tribe in middle school too. I am still friends with four other girls from when we were 10 and 11. Well over 30 years ago. I’m hoping the same for Christopher when he starts middle school next year. There hasn’t been any solid bond yet other than just having someone to play with. We all want our kids to have that, I am especially anxious about it since he’s an only child.
I just LOVE that you are still friends with your childhood tribe, Kenya! That is so cool. 🙂 Yes, I get your anticipation with Christopher. It WILL COME. I think boys are so different. My boy doesn’t have a ‘tribe’ either- I think the social dynamics are not like girls, so there’s that.