Time…
I have been thinking a lot about time.
How fast and fleeting it can be.
How generous and magnificent is its wonder.
And what a thief it can become.
I’ve been digging deep contemplation, as the season changes and the air gets heavy.
And I wonder about this thing called time.
How does it happen?
The magic of it all.
One day you are staring into the eyes of your man before the wedding begins, and he spends that fleeting first moment wiping the atrocious amounts of snot off your face as you cry…
You remember every single tissue used.
So lovingly.
Love fills and feeds.
In that moment.
And through the years.
It unfolds into hundreds of love letters…
From a man of few words.
Because ‘words’ are my love language.
Not his.
Mine.
So he gives.
And I am full.
Boxes full.
And some days, time presents itself in stiff rigid hands that seem to not budge when we beg.
Then in an instant, a decade has passed.
Blurry, saturated in shades of memories.
Or we grip so tightly to the hands that tick too fast, wishing and willing them to stop for just this moment.
Because we are afraid it will never come again.
But what we begin to learn-
Is that each new moment has its own magic.
Moments that become gifts.
Miracles really.
There are moments big and small. And sometimes… the small have more power than the big.
If we let them.
You know the ones?
The moments that whisper, not scream.
They catch us off guard.
Because we weren’t even looking for them.
Oh, how I love those moments.
But the big ones?
They are pretty cool too.
Like~
Miracles multiplied.
And as time pulls us forward, more magnificent wonders appear…
Funny how we rarely capture the bad moments.
I like that…
Because although we can linger on them too, Time has this power to heal.
Just enough to lessen the pain.
So we can embrace the good.
And although we don’t display the mess beneath the marvelous, all those moments tie together to knit the perfect fabric dressing our lives.
Each thread means something…
Even the shredded unraveling frayed pieces become part of the masterpiece.
You wouldn’t think for a minute that these were the hardest years of their life, now would you?
I thank God for all those harrowing holes in time.
Because as suffering seems to do-
It grows grace and gratitude.
I live deeper because of them.
Oh the joy.
The light.
The love.
That’s what I lean toward.
Joy.
Light.
Love.
Even in the midst of…
There’s still lots of those.
And we intentionally capture the victory when it comes.
Because without hope?
There is no Triumph.
Or Celebration.
And as time continues it’s tricks of magical wonder…
We can linger in a day, and it turns to weeks…
Seasons…
Years…
Memories fade into snippets of photos and bits of stories.
Holding on to Time is futile.
It will slip through your hands…
Your heart.
But it begs us to cherish it.
The clock that ticks by with the power all its own.
We must bask in it.
Or lose it.
Because the gift of time?
Is just that.
A gift.
It’s magical, really.
If you wade in the wonder of it all…
Oh Chris, your writing is always such a blessing to me. The way you string words together, my friend, is a true gift. I have been cleaning out my craft room the past few days, which contains all of our pictures (back before digital times). I keep hearing myself say- where has the time gone? I can so relate to everything you have shared here! Much love :).
I love that this message seems especially powerful for you and your healing journey through addiction, my dear friend!! Just look at all the miraculous wonders time has brought you!!! Oh, how I love that.
Oh Chris, I love this. Writing my Halloween post was hard for me, as I looked over pictures for me the last 14 years. How doe sit happen so fast. I love this, “Memories fade into snippets of photos and bits of stories.”
I loved your journey through the years, so very much Allie… I felt it all. I love your heart. SO much. Your amazing strength and insight and perseverance inspire me, my friend.
This is absolutely beautiful Chris and was choking back tears as I was reading. I am so not sure where the time goes and just last night Kevin and I actually got to go out on a date night together. He turned to me and asked me point blank, “Where did this year go?” I couldn’t even begin to answer, but here we are Halloween day and tomorrow is November 1st. The year is indeed almost over and so much to be thankful for, but still get it so completely. Thank you Chris once again for just being you and hugs to you on this Halloween 🙂
Date!!! YAY!! Oh precious that Kevin asked you such a beautiful and thoughtful and INTENTIONAL question!! Oh, Janine- what a guy you have to spend forever with!!!
I hope your Halloween was absolutely magical with your precious family!!
So very true and touching, these reminders. Oh how I wish I could live in the light of the truth of how good I really have it ALL the time. As it stands, I don’t. I often focus on what frustrates me or what I don’t have, when what I DO have and HAVE had is and has been nothing short of a miraculous gift! Thanks for the reminder : )
It’s SO easy to allow our vision to be limited to what we don’t have or what isn’t going right… I know sweetie. It truly takes intention and a lot of effort to embrace the big picture sometimes. And then are those pesky emotions… 😉
Onwards and Upwards. And thank goodness that the past is behind me, and I am gradually getting free of it. There is not a single moment that I want to return to, and none of the versions of myself I’ve been before that I’d rather be than who I am now. No freakin way.
Thank GOD for time and things moving forward.
Are you sure there isn’t ONE single moment you want to return to? I an guessing there are quite a few rare beautiful moments that you are choosing to not see, or remember…
And every single moment leading up to this? Is what made you the best version of yourself to this day. Who you are now…
I thank God for time too- and yes moving forward for you love, but make sure you don’t forget the magic of marriage, of friends, of sisterhood, of Neice and Neff, of FLOWERS, and SUNLIGHT, and writing…your YOUR words that give voice to your heart. Of CAKE and doing so many things for GOOD, and delicious glitter bombs all around the world. There’s more, but there’s a start for you… <3
Oh, there are MOMENTS which I would re-live in a heartbeat, but as the now-me, rather than the then-me, if I could. I am finally beginning to evolve into someone I feel a little more peaceful about being – someone who I almost like. Or at least, someone I don’t hate. For now, and for as long as it lasts. Which is a wonderful thing to be able to say. So no – if going back would mean being any of those former me’s then no, I wouldn’t.
BUT that’s not to say there haven’t been many wonderful, glorious, nearly perfect moments in life. There have been. I promise, and I’m aware of them and very grateful for them.
And for you, Kitty. I’m grateful for you and for your love and support and encouragement and just…all your loveliness. Thank you.
Beautiful.
Thank you so much Scott. That means the world to me!
This is beautifully written and I love that final picture of your family.
I can’t believe how many minutes of my life I wished away thinking “if only….” would make everything perfect. These days I’m really working on embracing all the minutes because they really are short.
I swear I am getting more and more intentional about that very thing as I age. I am really living the “aging gracefully” and it is truly amazing when that happens, isn’t it?
Oh my sweet Chris!!! I so so love your words and I especially loved the moments that are a whisper and not a scream. Those are the ones that scream to me. Well the screaming ones do too but you know what I mean… LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
I DO know what you mean, Kristi!! EXACTLY what you mean… Thank you for getting this. Oh, how I love that you do. <3
Chris,
you are a LIGHT in a Dark world.
I really love you. xxxxxxxx
As are you, love. As are you… <3 I feel it radiating all the way over here- from the moment I met you!!! Ah... DIVINE indeed!!
When our computer crashed a few weeks ago, we tried to save all of our photos and videos that were on the hard drive — a decade’s worth of memories, really.
I know I was tired in those pictures when my little ones were REALLY little, but when I look at those pictures, I see joy and happiness and wonderful times. I loved your caption: “You wouldn’t think for a minute that these were the hardest years of their life, now would you?”
Nope, not one bit. Thanks for this lovely post.
They were blurry years with the babes, weren’t they Robin? But yes oh yes- time has a way of capturing the joy!
This post has a lot of depth. I’ve allowed struggles to defeat my attitude on life lately. Thanks for the attitude shift
i understand that all too well, Tami. We all need an attitude shift sometimes… glad this helped!
I feel like this is a song, and I was singing it to a melody in my head.
I just read your chapter in the Clash of the Couples so your wisdom was already coursing through my veins today!
Also, I can’t really handle little Cassidy/Cade photos. I just can’t. Too adorable for words.
Don’t you totally cringe when you see my photos all blurry and pathetic here? I swear I think of you EVERY TIME I add a photo, and cringe myself with how horrid they are as far as quality!! But it’s all I gots to give!!! #Wishyouwerehere
As I get older, I cherish the time I have with the people I love more and more. It is a gift; you say it so eloquently, Chris. You’re a gift too. xoxo
I am back re-reading this post and it is helping me regroup and ground myself once again…
Thank you Dana, for sharing in this one with me!! XO
that was an amazing example of word wrangling my friend!
I felt every word.
which is awesome, because I am a “basker” – I just like to sit and bask and let time roll on in it’s own sweet measure while I treasure the fullness of it.
“Word rangling”- I love that Leslie! I still love this one… it’s truth just really reaches deep into me. Thank you for being a basker of life, because people like you are the ones that inspire me to do the same. <3
Chris this is so beautiful. I loved walking down that memory trail with you – seeing the good times and some bad. Your family – so beautiful, so cherished! Hugs to you!!!!
Thanks so much Alexa. We all could do a post like this one… Time is just so personal, isn’t it? Bless you this DAY. <3
Oh, CHRIS! I am typing through tears here (as I do so often when reading your beautiful words). You just nailed it so completely. Here I was all set to be cranky and PMS-y today…and you have turned me around. This post is a treasure!! –Lisa
Oh Lisa!!! I remember reading this comment a MONTH ago… (Life- amIright?) and thinking how grateful I was that you took in this post so deeply!! Thank you friend. It means so so much to me!
I’m so behind on my blog reading. But this. I am so glad I am here to read this. This is just beautiful, Chris. Dare I say, one of my favorites from you?
Do you know what Jen? I am back here to re-read it thinking I will share THIS one for my faves in a sharing FB group that asked for us to share our favorite post ever. Isn’t that amazing?
I like it too. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this beautiful Chris. There is nothing like aging to blatantly tell us how fleetingly fast life goes…As I learn to appreciate ‘time’ more, it is hard not to have regrets of not enjoying those moments more in the past. I know this is wasted energy but it is still hard. I look at pictures or think of phases of life sometimes and wish I could go back and appreciate things more and have another go at them. O well….back to the present..this is where we must be, and savor.
Oh Candice… I know exactly how you feel. I’ll trump you with regrets… I would like to go back and change so many of my decisions that forged pain and confusion and shame in my life. Lets grieve the loss together, but then may we truly relish in THIS now.
Perhaps it was ‘that’ time in our lives that brought to appreciate this time now. May that’s what it took to get here. Maybe.
You have rendered me completely speechless!
That’s a good thing, right? 😉 Oh thank you so very much Bianca!!! Time truly is magical…
It is impossible to feel like I’m in a truly deep shit when I read your posts Chris. Thank you. Please know that you are a blessing to many. 🙂
Bwahahaha!! Oh Jhanis- that is the BEST compliment I have ever received about my writing!!! I’ll take it, girl!!! 🙂 XOXO
So beautiful Chris! We sometimes view time as the “enemy” taking our babies away and agin us as we go. We have to remember that time is a gift that gives us moments and memories and experiences beyond measure. This post reminds us to appreciate the passing time rather than to be sad for what has passed us by.
I love that your comment is so spot on and then to see your post attached is “If We Could Turn Back Time”…. 🙂
Beautifully said! I like how time heals the deepest of wounds, and how, with time, we grow wiser.
Ah… me too Tarana. Me too. Those are my favorite aspects of aging… 🙂
This was beautiful, Chris. We really must be more of aware of this moment and the memories we are making. And to be more intentional about making those memories…making more days special.
I have been thinking a lot about time lately. I will see pictures of new families starting out with their babies and realize that it went by so quickly. That time when everything was new and just beginning. It’s easy to get caught up in the sense of loss for that time. I have to catch myself, because I do not want to miss today..and the magic of time. This time. I do not want to be 80 and want to come back and smack my 51 year old self. Ha ha.
It seems like a rite of passage of time- to be gravely aware of what we have missed and more intentional about not missing any more. Ya know?
Yeah… Aging gratefully indeed Topaz!!
Very beautiful and so touching. I really love it. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for coming by to take it in, Lynne! I’m so glad it touched you… <3
Thank you for coming by to take it in, Lynne! So very grateful. <3
Wow! Clicked over from FB (the personal page) 😉 Thank you for sharing. I can see how this piece would mean so much to you. Reading it “in order” I clicked over to “the hard parts” then I finished reading this one. Gulp and goosebumps! Woo goosebumps @ life begs us to treasure it. Wow.
Oh Kenya!! You are such a DEAR to take it all in!! Thank you friend, for diving in this journey with me and wow to Time being magical, indeed. <3
“The moments that whisper, not scream”…I love that so much! Yes! Those moments are sometimes so much better than the loud, in-your-face moments. And the part about grace and gratitude being born out of suffering…I get that too! Beautiful.
I love that you get it all, Laura! Thank you so much for coming by to take it in and embrace it with me! 🙂
Loved your post. Our time here on earth is truly magical. Even through the tough times, we are able to make it through because of our loved ones. Truly life is a blessing!
Sherill, thank you so much for coming by to read this! Life, is just such a journey for us all. And I’m so grateful I have these pieces of revelation that the moments we live are truly a blessing. Time pushes forward, causing me to take a much closer look at those precious days turned into years and fall on my knees in gratitude!